“You”… are Slowly, but Surely….Unraveling

The fear is rising in crescendo.

Things are slowly unraveling.

Watch how the ego-self struggles to maintain its structure. It will fight to hold onto the self-construct, demanding that the avenues of self-actualization remain OPEN.

Yet soon, it will be abundantly clear that the ego-games of "life" no longer sustain, no longer fulfill... can no longer be counted on for your egocentric identity.

The infinite player is prepared, while the finite player may be in for a powerful dose of suffering from failure to self-actualize through what it "knows" as "real" and "true."

Egocentric identification is always maintained through engaging the ego-games the world provides. Playing by the rules, "you" seek to accumulate ‘rewards and this is how you know your “self.” This is how existence is experienced. You engage in the games of the world in order to achieve the outcomes from which you will weave the story of “you.”

Yet, when the ego-games can no longer be sustained and when identification can no longer be achieved through the games, how will you play? What rules will you follow?Who will you be? How will you know your existence? What will become of the STORY of “you”? In what way will you engage your ‘self’ and others?

When money, career, ownership, possessions etc, etc, NO longer work as a means of identification, what will you turn to as means of defining your life and your self?

Will you turn to drugs and alcohol to anesthetize you hopelessness, your disillusionment, your suffering? What games will be played when the rules NO longer protect you? Will you turn to God (found mostly in foxholes and prison cells) to alleviate your helplessness?

Or will you deeply and fully engage those around you as a means of knowing your 'self'? Will you dump your dogmatic bullsheit or clasp ever more tightly to the objects of your crumbling self-concept?

The finite player has always weaved his/her ego-self fabric from the cloth provided. He/She weaves no unique or genuine garments, not provided from the world. Hence, interwoven deep within that fabric is always a pervasive sense of fear in the realization that the fabric is held together by invisible thread and thus…

…not held together at all and ready to unravel at any moment.

That moment is approaching.

Yet, the infinite player, of life’s ego-games, is not deluded by the static nature of his or her self. They are aware of the fragile strands of a fabric weaved out of nothingness. They are not victimized by the ego-self’s inherent vulnerability and experience invulnerability in every game they play.

The infinite player will NOT suffer through the loss of self-identity because they have been playing with loss for many years. They have been constructing and deconstructing all along. They have become experts of egocentric dissociation and de-realization. They have taken the time to unravel the egocentric threads, only to sew it back up... and unravel it again.

Hence, although the ego-centered fear is growing for you and I…

…they have NO fear. They have been there, done that.

Their egocentric identity may seem as intact and impermeable as the self-structure of our own identities. They seem just like you or I. Yet, the infinite player has expertly conditioned him/her self to fully experience self-dissolution and non-attachment. They have invoked the disassembly and deeply and fully engaged the nothingness from which the self-identity is woven.

They see what it’s ALL made of….

So when your self-development methods NO longer work wonders in the recognition of the futility of egocentric development. When your self-actualizing needs turn to basic survival issues, when all the strands of your identity have been torn loose from their threads, leaving tattered patches all balled up on the filthy tiled floor of life…

….there will be an infinite player around to show you…

…how fooking hilarious it’s ALL been from the very start.

And you may again remember to laugh.

Artwork by JeDavid - "Breaking Apart men"

The Accidental Guru

The Great Spiritual Guru is historically renowned for bringing up your sheit. Making you LOOK at yourself, exposing your delusions. Why else would you seek him out?

And while you were busy seeking your Great Guru, accidental gurus were all around you.

How many did you encounter today?

Or did you miss them and, thus, fail to retain the teachings?

Per chance....an accidental guru looked at you on the elevator and one slightly bumped you in line at McDonalds (with a quiet “sorry” that you barely heard). One loudly beeped his horn at you, while another let you pass. Yesterday, one made you angry and last week one made you laugh. Last month one made you cry and last year one hurt you real bad. There were others that made you leap with joy and some you just couldn’t get enough of and some you just can't stand.

Some are happy and some are sad. Some are vain and some are humble.

But not one of them…

… is sacred.

Let’s face it, you know a “Master Teacher” when you see one!

With an accidental guru, you just never know...

Hence, you pay them little heed, as you return to your sutra’s and scriptures, mindfully repeating your “OM.”

Because you know what to look for, you will seek and find your Master Teacher and he will always meet your expectations. If not, you'll just seek out another, until you can finally make your bow.

But you will never bow to the accidental guru, because you never know they're there. They will never meet your expectations, so don’t bother looking.

Yet, make no mistake, they will FIND YOU.

They never fail.

It’s inexplicable how they always seem to be there to teach you what you need right when you need it. Although, most likely, you’ll claim the timing was bad and miss the point altogether. Then you’ll angrily demand the accidental guru find a “Master Teacher” like yours.

You can’t prepare for what the accidental guru teaches. But you can always be prepared to learn. Unless, of course, it is the Great Spiritual Guru you seek. In that case, you’ll learn nothing by accident and everything on purpose.

Probably not the best way to learn…

…that YOU are an accidental guru.


Artwork by Mark Ryden - "The Apology"

Love is an Infinite Feedback Loop

Love is a feedback loop that when extended, only comes back around to the mind extending, even when receipt of that extension is denied by the love object you are extending to.

This loop originates with extension TO another, but is not conditioned on extension FROM another.

To know love you must extend love, yet it makes no difference if love is extended back from another. In this way, one can BE love and this BEING is not conditioned on anything other than that BEING.

Nevertheless, according to your ego (the conditioned and socially trained part of your mind), for love to be experienced, all extension, or giving, must be conditioned on ‘getting’ in return. Therefore, your extension TO another is specifically conditioned on their extension TO you. If a return is not forthcoming, based on your extension, your egoic mind will purposely obstruct or even fully terminate the loop that originates from your mind.

Love requires extension to another in order to be experienced, but it is not contingent on another returning it. Mother Teresa was steeped in love for the sick and suffering in her care. Yet, the extent of their sickness may have made it impossible for a return extension. Nevertheless, her love to them magnified love within her experience of self and the loop was completed, and maintained, like an unbroken electrical circuit.

Love magnifies YOU and this magnification is contingent on nothing but extension. This is because the only way to experience love is to extend it.

Of course, you need not be a Mother Teresa, sacrificing your life for the sick, to experience such magnification within your own experience of “self.’ However, there must be another for which to extend. Those we extend to are often family or loved ones of our choosing. Unfortunately, the ego chooses primarily for what it can ‘get’ and less by what it can give. This impedes the feedback loop that is not contingent on receiving anything at all.

Christ Consciousness is an extended infinite feedback loop. It requires nothing in return because it is always returns back to itself.

A feedback loop in the extension of love can have no interference for the impulses you send out to return to you in a magnified form. Love conditioned as contingent on return impulses from another only impedes what you extend from returning to you. Love is a state of mind and, although physical manifestations are available for observation, unconditioned love is an enlightened state of mind available to all minds.

Love is the nature of Being and extension is our natural predisposition. Demanding extension be contingent on return will cause the loop to eventually contract in upon itself. Many live their entire lives in the experience of a contracted and obstructed feedback loop and never experience the love that serves to magnify life itself.

The difference between this feedback loop and other forms of feedback is that your experience of love is contingent on the impulse you send out being returned in a magnified form, but that magnification requires nothing from anyone else and your only focus is extension. Therefore, you cannot obstruct this extension of mind through imposing conditions on that extension.

This requires a sense of ‘self’ in which your security is not contingent on a return of extended love. In this sense, your giving love to another is free and clear of the egocentric imposition of any factors whatsoever. Love is not a dependent state and must be free of conditional dependencies that your ego defines.

Surprisingly, (and many have experienced this), what actually takes place through this feedback loop is that, because there is no dependency on a return extension, that return naturally occurs.

When the loved one you extend to experiences that you have no demand for the extension to be returned, the natural predisposition is to extend as well. To experience diminished egoic involvement in extending love is to be inspired through it, and touched by it, instilling a desire to replicate the experience for oneself.

If you extend to me and all my hatred of you does little to impede or terminate that extension, I can only marvel and seek to emulate the experience I reckon you must have encountered. This is because deep down I know this experience and have wanted, longed for it, all my life. We all long for the freedom of extension that makes no demands and requires NOTHING. This is a condition of our Being, but is actually NOT a condition at all, but freedom.

In a spiritual sense, there is only one way to experience your Being, free and unfettered from egocentric attachment, and that is through the extension of your Being (which tends to be defined as "love") to another, with no condition on whether this is returned or not.

This is the nature of your existence. But a more important point relates to the magnification of the experience of love. This magnification within the feedback loop is infinite. Therefore, increase will continue to occur as much and as far as the mind will allow, based on increasingly diminished conditions. Thus, if another agrees to join the loop you have extended, this serves as an addition to the wholeness you magnify through your own mindful extension and magnifies them in their mind as extension is mutually engaged together.

Non-egoic love is always an increase to 'self' (minus conditions) regardless of who does or does not participate. Yet, make no mistake, participation is naturally compelled in the minds of those so touched by the experience you model through your own secure feedback loop. Take away egocentric impositions and the circuit cannot be broken.

See for yourself.

Artwork by Martin-Georg Oscity - "Der Schöpfungszyklus"

There's Always a Guide at the Border

The ego will take you to the border, but it can't cross.

Because it thought that even this was just another distraction.

But now the realization that none of it matters, that none of it ever mattered, is like a prizefighter shot to the gut. Some never recover and remain at the border, refusing to accept the guide.

They plummet into abject, utter loneliness and howl at nothing.

Very few ever cross over to the other side. But, once at the border, there is no turning back. There’s nothing to go back to once you get to the border.

There is a guide waiting. There's always a guide at the border. You just need to reach out, while letting go.

Fear of sacrifice keeps you at the border. Hold to one tiny strand and you'll remain there. Some have been there a lifetime or more.

The ego thought this was just another game. Just more rules to follow.

But then it dawns on you that this is it. This is where you're supposed to be.

At the border.

Many claim to have crossed over. They will even claim to be your guide.

There are no guides IN the world to help you cross the border.

But there's always a guide at the border.

I’m there now.

Been so for quite some time. There are others with me. I can see them.

Sometimes we look at each other, as if waiting to see who'll move first. One day we will cross. One day we'll be guided. One day, when we no longer feel the sacrifice.

Maybe we’ll all cross together.

Artwork by Fred Weidmann - "Evolution Without Goal"

Does The World Own Your Mind?

Do you own your mind?

Is it exclusively yours? Do the thoughts in your head really belong only to you?

Or did the world assign you everything you THINK?

If the beliefs about your ‘self,’ that you hold so dear to heart as being “you,” were extracted from a “world” outside your head, do “you” really exist in any individualized separate sense? Are “you” really there, or just a carbonized facsimile of you-ness, that we all represent?

The egocentric self-concept is only a belief in a separate individual existence. It is an abstraction and of no real concern whatsoever. But what comes as a result of that belief is a cascade of subsequent supporting beliefs ALL extracted from a “world.” These thoughts never stop hammering on you, moment to moment, day by day, year by year. Nevertheless, you have accepted this as “normal” and each day you become more and more desensitized through the chronic, incessant self-defining reinforcement of your egocentric, self-actualizing grandiosity.

“I think, therefore I am” originated from the world. You seem to know that you CAN think, but the thoughts you think are entirely owned by your world. You just THINK they’re yours (a belief that is also product of the world).

NOT one thought in your head can be traced and identified as purely and exclusively belonging to you. You’re a ‘nobody’ desiring authentication as a somebody through a MIND defined by the THINKER as “genuine.” But you will never become genuine in your world, because the world DEFINED YOU.

How can what is NOT genuine be REAL?

What you really claim as “unique” is the way you magically string thoughts together into “beliefs.” The Theory of Relativity was strung together by Einstein, but it was available to every mind, because every mind believes it's victim to the same world. Merely stringing together extracted thoughts to construct into a belief system is not in itself authentic. More like chronic repetition...

The world has always OWNED your mind and you have spent the entirety of your life seeking freedom from that bondage. 

Some have sought to seclude themselves from the world. But in the MIND, even that is a product of the world. You could “live off the land,” but the "land" determines your existence, not you. Others attempt to associate to more profound “concepts” or beliefs, such as spiritual or religious ideologies or accepted scientific theories. Alas, this too, is provided by the world and is only a more subtle form of bondage, seemingly “right” on the outside, but still no actual depletion of suffering on the inside. Some seek freedom through meditation, but the egocentric self-concept, constructed FROM the world, does not really want to leave the world. It wants to become ruler of the world through ever greater CONTROL.

It would seem that there is NO escape from the claim that the world has staked on your mind and so you admit defeat and relent to the pressure. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Hence, you adopt the finite goals and objectives the world assigns, thinking all along that you’ve made up your own mind in denial of how impossible that really is. Ha!

Never forget that the body and all its senses are as much a part of the world as anything else you experience. Your mind is the only part of you with the potential for freedom and nothing else can ever be free.

Yet, the one who plays infinitely in the world, seems to have found a way to break loose from the claim of ownership that the world has staked upon his/her mind (however, keep in mind that this is merely speculative and limited to what I have learned so far through direct interaction and indirect observation and is open to criticism and future correction. Not an infinite player, I am merely a student).

What the body does means little to the infinite player. Yet, no longer is there concern for what the mind THINKS either. The infinite player is NOT owned by the thoughts in his/her head. Correct and incorrect choices are made, but do not seem to matter as correct or incorrect. They care, and often show great concern, but this lacks the demands of the self. Although they do what finite players do and participate in the same functions, they are often seen as odd to finite players.

Interacting with infinite players has shown me that, if you examine your thinking, you’ll see that every thought is associated to an outcome and every outcome is directly related to the world. The infinite player seems to have somehow re-routed this circuitry or transcended it totally.

Nevertheless, they give me so little to go on, since the actions seem no different than the rest of the world. They do what we do. Yet, they don’t THINK about it the way we do and, hence, fail to suffer like we do. In fact, amazingly, they seem to suffer not at all.

It would seem that the world has lost all claim to the MIND of the infinite player. But they do NOT talk about it and, hence, finite players, such as you or I, are unable to define their ways. Hence, we just don't see them at all. How can you see CLEARLY what you don't understand? But they are most definitely there.

Nevertheless, I must continue to try. Have these individuals found a way to be IN the world and not OF it? Are their numbers growing? Why do they not suffer as we do? Why will they not expose themselves and help us all? Or have they been showing themselves to us all along, unbeknownst to us? Why is it so difficult to see them? Do they generate fear in the finite player, stuck on the treadmill of egocentric games?

As you can see, I have been intently studying this for some time and I seem no closer to a definitive answer.

I would ask anyone with information pertaining to the nature of infinite play to please post your comments for publication on this blog. All comments are published in the comment section (even the nasty ones), but those most insightful will be published in the essay section as a post.

As a mere suffering mortal, I am becoming more desperate to learn how to play infinitely in this finite world.

I am beginning to recognize that there are “people” in this world who have transcended all suffering without attachment or association to any esoteric practices or ideologies. They are no more Christian than Buddhist, neither Muslim or Jew, Hindu or atheist. They work in the world and do all the things we do, yet somehow…

…their minds are NOT owned by the world.

Artwork by Brian Smith - "Forever"

If The World Is An "Illusion," Do Your Thoughts Even Exist?

Do you often find it difficult to function around “normal” people who are pursuing “normal” goals? Do you often feel as if you simply do not belong “here”? Do you often wonder if you’re “happy”? (or are you sometimes confused as to what the concept even means). Do surface conversations or small talk often cause you to suffocate? Do you have difficulty with conforming to the “rules” of intimate “loving” relationships? Do you sometimes find yourself interpreting the world as some kind of absurd anomaly that makes no sense? Do you often find yourself puzzled by the things you feel you must do? Does watching or reading the ‘serious’ news frequently make you laugh?

Do you find this blog to sometimes make sense?

Ha!

Fear NOT silly finite “human”!

You are NOT ALONE…

These are merely signs of your growing desire to play infinitely in the EGO’S finite games of fulfillment. 

But the ego-self, that you’ve relied on to teach you what “you” and the "world" are all about, fights desperately to maintain your SERIOUS allegiance to all the things it demands as MEANINGFUL.

After all these years of independent “self-reliance” (sometimes to the point of desperation) do you really think “you” will give up without a fight?

And now, my friends, because you’ve worked so hard all these years, in your serious self-development, it seems a pity to finally see it ALL as a complete waste of time.

But pointlessness is obviously the final culmination of all your life's work.

All those years of education, all those career promotions, all those loving relationships, and here you are, still plugging away at extracting some sense of fulfillment, some consistent sense of “happiness.” Not to mention your years of diligent exercise, eating right, spiritual mediation, and just doing the “right thing.”

Yet, you never really seem any happier or less stressed. You never really seem to become anybody, but what YOU ARE.

And sometimes, in the wee small hours of the night, just before waking to start your “work day”…

…you consider just how absurd your existence really is.

Nothing has ever really changed and your disappointments have been mounting like a pile of nuts in a squirrel hole. Love eludes you and “happiness” is a fairy tale told by an idiot (and now, just look at the fooked up “economy,” threatening to dissolve all your hard work into nothing but a column of negative numbers on a piece of paper).

Have you had enough yet?


You can’t stop playing the world’s ego-games (because nobody can be an ego-self and NOT play ego-games). But you can learn to play them differently. You can learn to surrender self-fulfillment and discard your desire for the "right" outcomes and results. Because all that never really never mattered anyway.

Let’s face it, the ego-self (or package of beliefs you consider “you”) can never achieve fulfillment, simply because it is only a PART of your mind. Fulfillment is a delusion of the part that has lost contact with the whole. And isn’t that exactly what your world symbolizes? isn't that what you see when you look out your eyeballs?

The ego will desperately chase its dreams of fulfillment. It will pursue its “happiness.” It will never stop trying to find “love.”

But IT will never find what IT is looking for…simply because it can't.

It was NOT programmed to find, but only to seek and seek and seek, on and on and on, seemingly ad infinitum, until, after years of exhausted depletion, the very instrument it uses to measure what it seeks, up and dies on it. Oh boohoo!

Let it ALL go my friends. It simply does NOT matter. It wasn’t there UNTIL you starting seeking. Your seeking unloads it all. Your seeking merely perpetuates the very duality you continue to seek IN... and find nothing.

When you finally see clearly, you learn that not only is the world not there, but “you” are not there, nor are any of the thoughts you covet as meaningful, that fuels your seeking, is “there.”

But the cognitive abstraction you call your "self" will never let "you" go.

Nevertheless, a good way to accelerate clarity of this is to simply deny reality to the thoughts in your head. Your thoughts are as meaningless as the world you “think” you “see” (Yes, even the drivel you’re reading on this page…completely and utterly meaningless).

But woe to those who deny the reality of their own MINDS. You will, no doubt, have a rough time of things. That is, until the breakthrough occurs and you finally see the WHOLE shebang.

However, ego-self will mightily resist your being utterly meaningless. It cannot possibly see “you” as ONLY a dreamed up abstraction, because its very existence is contingent on the dream being “real.” The eyes of the body cannot help the “self” that demands the body define what IT is. Your goal has always been to see beyond what the body’s eyes show you, because what the eyes see is not “there,” although in your dream it sure seems as if you’re “looking” at something. That must no longer matter, because the body is as much a dream as the eyes and ears that seem to measure the “world” as REAL.

Some bright mind I read along time ago explained that, the moment you "forgot to laugh" the whole damn delusion took over and stupid things became meaningful.

IF everything that you are aware of is ONLY a dream, ALL must be included and nothing excluded. IF the world is ONLY a dream, your body is also a part of that and, hence, the self that believes it is a body is itself ONLY a dream. Your freedom depends on your seeing it as it really is and it really is…not “there.” (contemplate on the concepts "here" and "there" for awhile and see what comes up for you).

Sorry, but to accelerate clarity, you can no longer pick and choose what you want. And please, dump that fooking “spiritual” bullsheit. For chrisakes, all it ever did was perpetuate the need for the body to continue measuring duality and, thereby, make the whole delusion "real."

Thoughts that seek to represent and describe a dream world are as much a part of that dream as the images that seem to move around IN it. The dream is no less whole than the truth that you will awake to. Only difference is, the dream is NOT true, but ONLY a dream. Hahaa!

See ALL your dream in its expansive wholeness, so you are no longer victimized by the disparate and disconnected parts. Your thoughts about others are no more real than the images you see and claim as representing other minds. You are not “here,” nor are your thoughts, images, beliefs; nothing is “here,” because it is ONLY a dream.

The belief in “your” mind, as separate from the wholeness of the delusion, is as delusional as the belief in “other” separate minds. Believing that your mind is “the only mind” is no less delusional than believing in "other" minds and that all minds, including yours, are owned by the heads that seem to house them.

It's just not "there," dude.

Hence, your finite “spiritual” thoughts cannot save you. Go ahead and dump all that too.

Now you can be free to play infinitely in your world. Now you can remember to laugh.

What have you got to lose?

It’s only a fooking dream….

Artwork by MARS-1   - "Ultraviolet Dreams"