Friday, June 13, 2014

The Indestructible Kevlar Dream

I get a lot of emails that ask,  “yo arsehole, why you always biotchin’  about guilt?"

Guilt maintains the dream-like delusion of individualized egocentric existence and consistently, moment to moment, locks “you” securely in place just by how you think about “you.” There can be NO security in a dream, only the constant seeking of a security that cannot be found by an egocentric self that, by it's very nature, must be lost and guilty of not being found.

To truly see the full nature of your egocentric self, simply follow the trail of guilt, always asking, "is that true and does it matter?" and then just keep going deeper down the rabbit hole.

Not making enough money? Out of work, can’t find a job? Are you drinking more than usual? Yell at your kids too often? Not the man you used to be? Not as pretty as you once were? Are you on food stamps? Foreclose on your mortgage? Been to jail once or twice? Did you have an affair? Eating at McDonalds way too often? Watching too much TV? Spending too much on cigarettes? Failed to clean those gutters? Too much pot? Not spending enough time with your kids? Don’t call your mother enough? Fantasizing about other men/women? Spend too much time playing video games? Wish you had gone to college? Wish you had graduated high school? Do you need to exercise? No money? Need to lose a few pounds? Coveting your neighbor? Wished you owned a BMW? Not rich enough? Smart enough? Not good looking enough? Your personality sucks? If only you smiled more? psychotherapy? Bored with your spouse? Flirting with your coworker? You sleep too much? Don’t sleep enough? You look at porn? You spend too much time alone? You need to get more done? Need to take better care of yourself? You need to wash the car? Need meds? Need to get off meds? Need a new car? Masturbate too much? Should be working more? You should be playing more? You should have more sex? Your life should be more exciting? You should meditate more? You’re kids hate you? You should pray more? You should have more fun? You should know more? You shouldn't have done that? You should have told him off? You should go to church more often? You’re too stupid? You’re too fat? Nobody likes you? You wish you had more friends? You should get a promotion? You should be happier? Bad grades? Too much partying? You’re too depressed? You’re too anxious? You’re too old? You’re not funny enough? Everybody thinks you’re an asshole? You’re a crappy parent? Why are you wasting time reading this? People think you’re boring? You hate your coworkers too much? You hate everyone too much? You hate yourself too much? You have ugly feet? You should be different? You need to improve your self-esteem? Women/men don’t find you attractive? Your eyes are too far apart? You have no ass? Your tits are too big? You need a better job? Your tits are too small? You should pay off that credit card? You drive a hoopty? Little dick? Everybody thinks you’re lazy? Everybody thinks you’re dumb? You shouldn't think these thoughts? You need to get more things done around the house? You waste too much time? You should be more positive? You pick your nose too much? You hate your mother? You hate your father? You should be more active? You hate your kids? You don’t know what to do? You need a lower rate on your mortgage? You should be doing what you’re supposed to do? You should be doing what you want to do? You should get a divorce? Your life sucks? You should be more spiritual? You should be more loving? You should be more outspoken? You should have an affair? You should be more spontaneous? You need anger management? You should have a better credit rating? You should do what they tell you? You should live more? You should be dead? You should have a purpose? You failed to meet your goals? You should have goals? That ship has sailed? Living with your parents? Shop at Walmart? Voted for Obama? Voted for Bush? Didn’t vote? Got an abortion? You think about sex too much? Cheated on your taxes? You hate the government? You hate women? You don’t trust men? You think there’s more to life than this? You wish your spouse loved you? You wish your kids liked you? You wish more people liked you? You wish you liked yourself? You wish you could find love? You just need a break? You wish you could love your family? You wish you could love your job? You think God hates you? You hate God? You wish you could write like me?

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, on and on, year after year, month after month, day after day, moment to moment, ad infinitum…..

What have you done? What have you NOT done? When will you do it? When will you stop? When will you change? When will things be different? When will you succeed? When will “you” be what you should be? When will you be what you want to be? When will you know what you want to be? Shouldn’t you know by now? Soon? Tomorrow? In a week, a month, ten years? In time?

Not awakened yet? No enlightenment today? Then when? Aren’t “they” enlightened? Why not you? After 20 years of deep spiritual practices and contemplation are you there yet? No? Why not? Is something wrong with you? Are you not advanced enough? Are you not doing something right? Are you on the wrong path? Can you ignore centuries of historical precedence? Which is the right path? Are you not worthy?

What’s wrong with you? Does it matter what you do, if you can never be right? Why are you doing that? Shouldn’t you be doing this? Why aren’t you doing what they do? What are you afraid might happen?

You first learned the experience of guilt from your parents when you failed to comply with a rule. You learned of public guilt (shame/embarrassment) from public school whenever you made a mistake. When your loved ones are “wrong” correction must always involve guilt. The entire social system is based solely on finding guilt and justifying innocence. Adam and Eve were guilty and every religious-spiritual ideology on the face of the earth is built on a foundation of individual guilt.

Guilt is the fabric of an indestructible Kevlar dream. Every thought in your mind, is another stitch in time. Guilt makes your reality virtually bulletproof.

Awakening literally dissolves ALL guilt.

Are you there yet?


Artwork by David Mach - "Die Harder"