Everybody’s Talking at Me...But I Can’t Hear a Word They’re Sayin’

I must admit to feeling a little paranoid recently. It's as if I was being surrounded by some invisible force, trying to engulf me, take over my mind, lead me to the conceptual "promise land."

So in my paranoia, I thought I'd let my ego get all jiggy with it. 

Yet, that paranoid feeling never lasts. I have two daughters who’ve been trying to take over my mind for the past 15 yrs. Believe me, I am well insulated from the mind robbers. They're always tellin' me "I know, dad, I know, I know, I know." Of course, they never do, and so, you can understand how I've become wholly impervious to all the "knowers" around this place.

But nope….I’m not a witch. Nor am I a “mystic” with secret magical powers. I am NOT “enlightened” or “awakened” and I don’t speak to people from outer space or channel spirits from other dimensions. I have NO psychic abilities whatsoever. I am NOT "special" in any way, shape or form. I am NOT a guru or yogi and I am "master" of nothing. I have NOT attained Satori, Samadhi or Nirvana and I wouldn’t know a chakra from an okra. I am not a "knower" and know nothing. However, one thing is for sure…

I am an ego.

A skin-encapsulated ego or, to be more precise, an identified self-construct that I believe is “I." And sometimes it really shows (but folks don't like it when your ego's showin'). Around here, it seems regular ole’ egos are not very welcome. Around here, egos must be 'special' and work hard to display their 'individual' uniqueness. You often see really cool people getting sucked into this game all the time. It's as if ya can't have a conversation without them somehow informing you of their 'special' powers (resulting from their having transcended big bad ego). This seems to be the in-thing these days and it's on the rise. Nowadays you gotta have special powers or recount "mystical" experiences of higher consciousness. You've got to apply grand titles to your 'self' in the attempt to present your 'self' as above and beyond your own ego-self.

Around here, egos must try and be as little of an ego as possible. It’s like they’re fighting against they’re own egocentricity. Even though being "special" is the 'spiritual' consensus, I have yet to join the grandiosity club.

I often wonder if they realize just how egocentric their attempted escape from egocentricity really is. They certainly spend a great deal of time identifying my ego.

But why bother... I know what I am.

I'm a bona fide ego, with all the piss and vinegar, love and hate, good and bad, smart and stupid,etc, etc, etc, that comes with it. But this bothers some folks, which leads me to believe they're seeking an escape.

But, there really is no way out.

The dynamic is rather simple. First, the egocentric self-construct informs you of your inadequacies and weaknesses and then it tells you that, if you just follow its sage advice, you can overcome your weaknesses and be better, bigger, stronger, more powerful, more ‘special.’ In other words, that which teaches you that “you” are inadequate from the start, demands that you believe it now knows the way to a better "you."

And that seems to make total sense to "you"!

Therefore, the ego has you turn to your "inner" egocentric experience, of an "outer" egocentric world, in order to find that special ‘curriculum’ that will help you transcend  (READ: 'escape') your own egocentricity. Obviously, what you find is a world full of inadequate egos all teaching you how to overcome your inadequacies and the ego, which first helped you identify your inadequacies, helps you pick out the one “true path” that fits just right for you. Ha!

So... you study the ‘metaphysics,' practice long and hard (many years of 'sacrifice') to pass the test of mystical transcendence. Of course, you already know what to expect and the ego always gets what it trains you for (because it's "you"). But what good is it and who, or what, is IT that wants it? Who or what is doing ALL that training to get “it”? Could it be that all you're doing is marking time or running in place?

“Nah,” says your ego, “this is serious stuff, yo! …and you gotta play by the rules if you want the coveted cookie."

Nevertheless, the game is infinite and if you want to play the game of witch or mystic, enlightened or awakened master, etc, etc, etc, well you go right ahead. Have a ball! But when you start demanding that others play by your rules, else they can't get the prize, don't be surprised when they don't hear a word you're saying.

"Everybody's talking at me

I don't hear a word they're saying

Only the echoes of my mind

People stopping staring 

I can't see their faces

Only the shadows of their eyes 

I'm going where the sun keeps shining

Thru' the pouring rain

Going where the weather suits my clothes

Backing off of the North East wind

Sailing on summer breeze

And skipping over the ocean, like a stone."

Artwork by Robert Craig - "Creepy Pee Wee"

She Works Hard To ‘Awaken,’ So You Better Treat Her Right!

The common denominator of the ego’s “reality” is constructed entirely from limit, lack, loss, scarcity or, more to the point, deprivation. Deprivation is the ruling paradigm and why all your moments of “happiness” must dissolve, since loss and deprivation are the FOUNDATION of every experience you have (and why you have NEEDS in the first place.). However, in order to relieve deprivation, the ego-self is committed to a “life” of SACRIFICE, which only further reinforces the experience of deprivation as REAL.

Essentially, your spiritual reality is NO different from your economic reality.  “Awakening,” or “enlightenment,” is a scarce “spiritual” resource and, in terms of resource allocation, experiences of "non-duality” or “enlightenment” are limited, which means that my gain is your loss. My attainment always reflects your lack thereof and keeps the egocentric system of deprivation and needs rolling along smoothly. However, the rule of the game is that “enlightenment” or “awakening” is not legitimate unless you can prove to others that it’s genuine. Thus, we have millions of internet characters seeking to prove to you the legitimacy of their awakened state.

I imagine this may make you angry. Especially if you’ve been sacrificing for years to achieve that coveted “Non-Dual” experience, that whiz-bang “enlightened” state, your “awakening to truth.”

You work hard for enlightenment, so I better treat you right!

We exist in a world conditioned almost entirely on struggle and sacrifice or "no pain, no gain." Happiness is not a precondition or a given. It must be ‘pursued,’ whether that “happiness” is founded on excess ownership or possession, financial accumulation, public power, sexual proclivities, achieving the “American dream,” unique spiritual experiences or some other esoteric variable, one must seek it out and work to procure it, because it does not exist a priori or before experience. You are NOT born with it OR you ARE born with it, but immediately have it extracted out of you in preparation for egocentric competitive existence. Either way, you are grounded in deprivation and need fulfillment, seeking to relieve that experience.

Thus, existentially, YOU are thrown into a ‘world’ with nothing but the primal experience of DEPRIVATION and LACK and your egocentric desire for relief through fulfilling needs keeps it ALL firmly in place.

Like accumulating material wealth, there are only a privileged few that WE collectively allow to HAVE “enlightenment,” as opposed to the majority of us who must remain HAVE NOTs. ALL finite games must conform to the “law of supply and demand.” Nevertheless, keep in mind that, whether we we HAVE or HAVE NOT, we have ALL agreed to the continuation of this fundamental, existential LAW. Furthermore, we also collectively and unanimously believe that in order to reap the rewards we must ‘sacrifice,’ because ALL rewards are finite and limited (which is why they are ‘rewards’ in the first place).

From this primary experience of deprivation you then go about seeking to relieve that experience through what the world teaches as the chief means of seeking relief, which is struggle or sacrifice or, more succinctly, WORK (viable employment = indentured corporate servitude). Now we get into the nitty gritty of the value system, since some work is more valuable than others, and thus, the whole foundation of inequality is neatly and rigidly maintained and supported by a unified collective consciousness of individuals all seeking reward.

Work then becomes the chief component of your self-identity and that is determined by the world's value system. Alas, in seeking relief from this delusional system, you then turn to spiritual pursuits, and all those promised rewards, ignorant of the fact that those belief systems comply with the same paradigm of deprivation you’ve actually been seeking to escape.

This fits nicely with the Christian belief system and the concept of “salvation,” allowed only a privileged few. Every "spiritual" belief system (or dogma) replicates this primal belief through its core teachings. Whether it be Hinduism, Buddhism, Non-Dualism (advaita), or any numerous multiple factions thereof, the theme is the SAME...everything is LIMITED and this includes spiritual truth. Although the masters uniformly report that everyone can HAVE what they themselves claim to POSSESS (the paradigm of proprietary truth) the prerequisite of intense sacrifice must be strictly adhered to, otherwise you’re identified as a fraud.

But why would you think TRUTH conforms to the same paradigms that rule ILLUSION?

Your experience of a ‘world’ has as its foundation, limit, loss and deprivation, since there is only a limited supply of everything, even TRUTH. Therefore, you must constantly ask, are you worthy? Have you sufficiently sacrificed enough? Are you ‘working’ hard enough? Does it hurt?

Remember... no pain, no gain!

Every spiritual system adheres to sacrifice or work. Witness the busy aspirants bustin' they arse to get the coveted spiritual trophy. The system promises that, if your spiritual pursuits adequately conform to the paradigm of sacrifice, you’ll be richly rewarded. Years of meditating and mind control, studying the “great books,” scriptures and sutras, repetitive chanting of the platitudes, the sacrificing of sensual experience, attending the seminars and 'work shops' performed by the “modern mystics, “ colluding and conspiring with the like-minded that support the same sacrifices in pursuit of the same ‘reward’ (seems each sacrificial system has its own experts, books, newsletters and yearly conventions…Ha!)

It's the spiritual law of supply and demand and, as demand grows, fewer will reap the rewards, simply because supply MUST ALWAYS be limited. WE DEMAND IT! Make no mistake, as more claim "awakening," the rules will become more complex and complicated in order to exclude the many from what we demand be limited to only the privileged few. This is NO different from social economics theory and we all perpetuate this belief and have so for centuries. Social Darwinism has completely co-opted your SPIRIT.

Unfortunately, some wish NOT to see this (and have been leaving me some nasty comments all throughout this blog), since their whole identity is contingent on this not being an actuality. The ego makes many compromises with TRUTH in order to perpetuate the rewards of delusional belief. It avoids at all costs, fully recognizing that it’s ALL nothing but a house of cards, ready to fall at any moment. The ego-self (identified package of beliefs) is a very fragile concept...

…and so you’ve come to believe, and have rigidly conformed, to a belief system that demands you sacrifice and struggle to attain the transcendent rewards, limited to only the privileged few.

Although, there does seem to be a small, yet growing, number of infinite players who realize that this is all laughably ridiculous. It seems they have come to realize…

...nothing need be done.

Nothing at all...

Artwork By David Stoupakis - "untitled"

Awakening to a Healed MOMENT in time (together)

A healed moment occurs between two or more, because the individual ego-self is delusional. Unfortunately, such an idea has not been in vogue for quite some time and this is especially true in our modern times, were success is defined as attaining individual egocentric goals.

Nevertheless, the healed moment has nothing to do with "love" and that would be a misunderstanding. If love is a conditional, self-construct originating from past learning, thereby, having no absolute or infinite aspects, how can it be counted on to heal?

In this world, “love” is conditioned on the learned preferences of the individual ego that determines the rules for getting and giving. This is why “all you need is love” has never been successful in reducing man’s inhumanity to man and most likely never will. Yet, we will still mouth the sentiments, forgetting that those we once fervently claimed to love, have come to mean nothing to us now.

So much for "love."

Nevertheless, this is what we have come to expect from "love" and little more, which is probably a good reason to trash the concept altogether. Relative concepts, that mean something different for everyone, most likely will never have any universal application. In fact, science is in the process of breaking love down into a series of conditioned responses originating in the nervous system and if science finally succeeds in convincing us they have finally defined “love,” I believe we are most certainly doomed.

Relative “love” is simply a game in which the rules demand I sacrifice for you, in order to reap the rewards of your sacrifice for me. If I meet your expectations of love, as you define it, you reward me by providing it. Not meeting your conditions indicts me as guilty and I will be punished for my betrayal by your withholding. The game ends when either one of us (or both) chooses to no longer follow the rules, since how can you play a game without following the rules. This method of exchange has been passed down for centuries and relative love serves merely as a form of currency between two business partners.

Yet, as history demonstrates conditional love never heals, but merely applies a temporary sedative to our symptoms of abandonment and alienation from the world, others and our ‘self.’ The problem is that healing is not symptom control, but a final cure, and until we see it as such, love will continue to mean relatively little and heal relatively few.

A healed moment is an absolute state of awakening or enlightenment and that’s why a healed moment is not a "loving" moment. Oh sure, your ego-self may make an interpretation of “love.” Yet, make no mistake, a moment between two or more minds experienced as healed, was a moment that “you” were nowhere to be found (and neither was your ridiculous concept of “love"). Of course, your body may have been present, but in that moment you were not aware of it (so was it actually there?) and this is often referred to as being in the NOW.

But keep in mind that the significant difference here is that it takes two (or more) to engage a healed moment. You can't be healed without healing. Yet, what individual ego could ever accept that as truth? Such is the world we experience...

Love without condition is free of the past and this means that in your healed moment there was no “you” to experience your concept of love, based on your specific conditions, and that’s the point of healing. When two or more come together without the past, then healing can take place, because conditions are always a product of the past. I become NO longer what you require me to be.

The best way to initiate this experience is to let go of your egoic predictions as to what should, or should not, occur. Predicting "love," similar to your predictions on how to "awaken," reinforces your inclination to impose a purpose upon another and your 'self' that is contrary to TRUTH. Love is an experience of "enlightenment" that many come very close to, until eventually the egoic past floods the fertile plains and everything growing eventually dies.

Your ego-self is a product of the past and your past is the conditions you impose upon others in the present. To experience a healed moment is to be free of your conditions for BOTH. You will find that by no longer preparing for your predictions, as to what the conditions of love are, you will inadvertently be surprised by what fills the void. A moment free of the “loving” demands imposed upon another is a healing moment that must be shared to be experienced.

My eyes with your vision

My choice but always your decision

My play with your direction

Well it's my lead but always your connection

My words, your expression

My land, always your possession

My song, your production

My expense is always your deduction

But when I look into your eyes you don't believe me

I can see it in your eyes you don't believe

And the face I see before me

Is both sides of a mirror

You really know you've got a hold on me

And the face you're looking into

Is both sides of a window

And any way you look you see through me

My fame, your reflection

My weakness always your protection

Well it's my terms on your conditions

And they're my tunes but they're your compositions

But when I look into your eyes you don't believe me

I can see it in your eyes you don't believe

(Allan Parson’s Project) 

 Artwork by Chagall 

SELF-MUTUALIZING: Release From Egocentric Hell

You want to break free of the chains of an egocentric ‘self’? Engage another self in that process. You wish to transcend your deepest shadows and your darkest fears? Help another to transcend, as they help you. You desire to transform the base ego into a higher self? Raise up others as they lift you.

We transcend together or continue to suffer apart (together).

The 'self' was not constructed in isolation and NO transformation can occur alone. ‘They’ have a purpose and there never was any coincidence in the endless procession of ‘others’ that entered your life.

Truth has no involvement in “chance.”

It won’t be easy, in fact, it may often seem like hell (but what else would "hell" be, if not an experience of abject strangers in constant fear of one another). Nevertheless, nothing will reveal and expose the depths of the ego-self like another ego-self being exposed and revealed TO itself.

Your egocentric self-actualization becomes our unified self-mutualization. Did you really think you were meant to do this alone?

Individual transcendence must be a fraud, because egocentric individuality is a figment of your imagination. Discovering the depths of mind is a mutually engaged exploration. There is NO one "Buddha" or "Christ," only a collective WILL to awaken, rigidly limited through the demand for separate forms exclusive from you.

There must be a commitment to the process of engaging depth with others. Two or more joined for the purpose of release from egocentric hell. They have the key to your freedom, as you have the key to theirs, since each of "you" have conceptualized the others prison. I am as much a victim of your concept of "me" as "you" are victim to mine. Has your personal "awakening" freed me? If not then, make no mistake, neither one of us are FREE...yet.

Your resistance has always been futile and eventually you will engage your fear and choose to stay in the game instead of running off and hiding in your secret compartments. The ego can run, but it can’t hide, although it can run (repress) for a very long time (centuries) before it is overcome by exhaustion and finally gives up CONTROL.

Yet, "you" think NOT. "They" have caused you so much suffering that you’ve felt compelled to reciprocate your attack through a coordinated defense of indifference. Make no mistake, a world of egos ALL seeking control can only be a "hell on earth."

The game of relationship is like any other game, because it’s all about rules. Rules are imposed to limit and control play. When two players agree to engage infinitely, they are agreeing to become fully aware of the all the finite rules they impose upon one another. If there is an expected outcome, then clearly there is a rule that must be followed. The “world” you experience demands punishment for those who break the rules. Suffering is the result of the rules you demand be “true” and, thereby, impose on another, while they impose on you. Therefore, the world is experienced as nothing more than mutual bondage.

What are the infractions or violations of the rules? Is guilt the punishment? Do violations justify anger and rage? Define “love” and determine if that definition has any basis in truth or is it nothing more than a learned fantasy from the past? What are the control mechanisms you impose upon each other? Are there underlying patterns of fear and hatred? What defines betrayal? What part does vengeance and retribution play in the game?,

Know your 'rules' and you will discover your shadows.

This is how the 'self' discovers itself, not in fearful isolation from a world of other minds but deeply engaged with other minds to dissolve fear. To play infinitely in relationship is to fully reveal the rules so that they can be played with and clearly seen for the limits they impose. It is always the rules you impose on "others" (and they upon "you") that determines the boundaries of experience. The inmates do run the asylum, because they are also the guards.

The game may become difficult and conflict will arise as egos grasp and claw to maintain the remnants of egocentric control and protection. The ego-self does NOT take kindly to having its fantasies and delusions questioned and exposed. The ego will fight, not only others, but the very mind that invented it and gives it ‘life’ by following the egocentric rules demanded for "happiness." The mind is free, but the ego has imprisoned it by requiring others conform to its requirements.

Nothing betrays you, but your own concepts.

The truth has nothing to do with what you believe in, but understanding the delusions of belief will clear the way for discovering the truth together, because it is NEVER what you "think." ALL your relationships serve this purpose and nothing else, because learning the truth of relationship is what you are here for and nothing else. When you have extracted every ounce of fear between you, be prepared for surprise.

Atoms do not define the material world separately, but only through their relationship to one another. The truth is IN relationship, waiting for you to discover it. Commit to that purpose only, by becoming aware of the purposes you impose on each other. The journey has NEVER been to “free your mind”...

...but to free "theirs."


Artwork by Rafal Olbinski - "Manon  Sescaut"

The Ordinary Exceptionality of Christ Consciousness

The exceptional ones each proclaim a different “truth.” Sugar plum faeries dance in their heads, making them feel extraordinarily exceptional. Their “supernatural” powers allow them a sense of exclusivity apart from you. The world is teeming with the extraordinarily exceptional and all the many splendored and “special” truths they teach. Yet, the exceptional is only known by comparison and, compared to you, they are truly extraordinary.

Christ Consciousness is NOT exceptional nor is it extraordinary and, hence, it does NOT see what they see (but "sees" much differently). Christ Consciousness does not lend itself to comparison, because it is exclusive to NO ONE. Therefore, NO ONE can define Christ Consciousness, because it does NOT conform to the rules of your 'world,' which has always demanded exclusivity and exclusion.

TRUTH is never apart and does not take exception. Truth has no judgment capacity and does not see differences. Truth is so exceptionally ordinary that it can be a downright drag to the extraordinarily exceptional ones and this is why they are often dazzled by their exclusive specialness (but miss the truth). Make no mistake, judge an experience as exceptional and YOU have missed the truth. But never mind, just keep going.

Infinite truth is all ‘means’ and no ‘ends.’

The pop-psychology, “self-development” movement seeks to make you feel exclusively special. But remember, your "specialness" must always be evaluated in comparison to another's lack thereof and that’s how you’ll be aware of its non-existence as “existing” (even though it can’t be ‘there’ at all).

One cannot say what Christ Consciousness IS because, once you do, you’ve obviously missed the point.
However, you can state what it is NOT and seek to simply over those obstacles (or...everything you can ‘think’ of). Christ Consciousness adheres to NO ideological viewpoint and is not a ‘state of mind,’ because states of mind claim exclusivity through exceptional “truths” (as if there were more than ONE). How could “higher states” be TRUE, except in a world where exclusivity is interpreted as “higher” and more valuable. A world that values the exceptional certainly does NOT value truth (just look at your world and see for yourself). But it’s ‘there’ just the same. How could it NOT be?

Even though we all like to feel “special,” the exclusive truth naturally negates what it would assert by nature of exclusion. This demands an exclusive messenger.

Yet, the message must be free and clear of ALL messengers.

The exceptional interfere with truth. They interfere by making NOTHING…very extraordinary (when it is still only nothing). Of course, ‘nothing’ is as true as ‘everything,’ except when you intrude on it. Christ Consciousness does NOT interfere or intrude, but plays infinitely within the finite. It has NO reason to differentiate or discriminate. Christ Consciousness does NOT state, “I believe this” or “I do NOT believe that” (although egos find it necessary and pleasurable, which is why I wrote this post… Ha!).

The special ones would have you revere their exceptional “truths.” But they have excluded you by the very nature of their asserting that they are different from you. The exceptional truth MUST always be in comparison to the unexceptional. Consider your ‘self’ exceptional, naturally excluding others, and you have perpetrated an attack that will serve to keep you separate. Inequality, by its very nature, must always attack, because it demands hierarchies and levels to what is ONE. This is a rule of the world, but NOT of Truth.

It is total inclusion you seek (what else could you want?). Truth attacks nothing, because nothing is excluded by being higher or lower, wise or ignorant, sacred or profane, etc, etc . Nevertheless, your expectation of a “spiritual” exclusivity can only exclude by exception. If you are TOTAL inclusion, than to exclude any small part (or person) is to totally exclude ALL of YOU (although it may NOT feel that way, since egos love to feel exceptional and exclusive).

Christ Consciousness fully engages everyone without interference and “there” is where the truth will be experienced as ONE (by the many, engaged as ONE). What other purpose could you have, but to engage without interference or intrusion? The inclusion of TRUTH is a joint project, so don’t interfere, but fully engage with it, since it’s everywhere (and nowhere).

The truth you seek is free of your interference, because everything you think IT is, is just more interference (even your attempts to stop ‘thinking’ is downright intrusive). If you think your truth is “special,” recognize you are interfering and let it be what it is.

Best to stop relying on your ‘self’ and don’t forget….

…it was your “best thinking” that got you here.

Artwork by Ellen McDermott - "Who Shall Have Fishy on Little Dishy"

Nobody's Perfect...(except me)

You are “you” in relation to “others.” Egocentric isolation is delusional, since it assumes a self-construct developed entirely absent the influence of others. One need not engage in spiritual practices to realize this. In fact, spiritual or religious practices, that reinforce self-absorption under ideological dogma, may inadvertently interrupt this reciprocal circuitry by disengaging you from others.

Your love partner infuriates you by his behaviors, as you infuriate him by yours. Yet, rarely do you realize that his behaviors have emerged in reaction to you, as your behaviors evolved in response to him.

This reciprocal circuitry becomes antagonistic and combative simply because both parties in the mutual exchange fail to acknowledge the circular nature of conflict and instead form direct lines of attack, never losing sight of the target (each other).

There is no flow of direct current in this reciprocal exchange. It is always alternating from one to another and back again. Yet the ego-self must seek to make the current of mutual conflict direct through blame and condemnation in the need to assert your innocence and increase their guilt.

Unfortunately, the ego (“you”) rarely recognizes this circuitous exchange, because it would mean focusing on itself and experiencing guilt for what "you" do, as opposed to merely an all out condemnation of the other. Although not very good at recognizing its own erratic and dysfunctional behaviors, the ego is skilled to perfection in identifying and condemning the behaviors of others (judgment), particularly those whom the ego has come to be familiar with through “love" (ironically).

This is why the world exhibits continued blame and condemnation, but little in the way of actual change (patterns of hate and mistrust are continually repeated). Nations remain chronically antagonistic, while relying on fragile peace accords and cease fires to offset outright war and destruction. So why would we expect this to be absent from our egocentric personal world, while it is clearly apparent in the collective world?

The collective world is the product of many personal worlds in conflict (yours included).

Yet, just as the world refuses to see the reciprocal/mutual circuitry of its patterned conflicts, we also refuse to acknowledge this reciprocal exchange in our personal relationships.

We frequently exclaim that “nobody’s perfect” with regard to our own erroneous decisions. Yet, we’re less likely to support such a disclaimer from others, especially those we have come to identify as recipients of our “love” and who we evaluate as betraying our love by failing to meet our egocentric standards.

Because of this, love has become our damnation instead of the means to our "awakening," since it is often our most significant 'loved' ones who receive our most fervent blame and condemnation. Unfortunately, this reciprocal exchange of blame and condemnation is self-reinforcing and, if not identified early, can only progress in intensity, eventually causing the most intimate of relationships to self-destruct and separate.

Become aware of the reciprocal circuitry, which has no direct current but alternates continuously from one to another, and recognize that this circuit would NOT exist...

...without YOU.

Artwork by Val Jean - "Companionship; Loneliness"