ENLIGHTENMENT: Forgive Them, They Know Not What They Do...

Human egocentrica mammalian's live 90% of their lives entirely from the subconscious, simply because 90% of their life requires no conscious thought whatsoever (ritualistic robotic repetition) and is lived primarily through biological imperatives and programmed mandates conforming to social conventions, keeping him on a chronically reflexive autopilot without any conscious awareness or individual decisiveness indicative of a free-will directed autonomous 'being.'

When you drive your car to a known destination no actual conscious thought is engaged to arrive at that predetermined destination. You did engage millions of unrelated thought-circuits in your conscious frontal cortex, but not one of them involved the act of driving (mostly thinking about dumb sheit, at least from my experience). You've done it a thousand of times, what need to consciously think about it?

90% of your life is, and will  forever be, lived on complete autopilot. "You" are a homogenized amalgamation of biological drives competing with societal mandates for which to subdue and manage those drives, resulting in your despondently depressed disengaged state of hopelessness and, as the brain interfaces with techno-civilization, (determined to be completely devoid of any influence from nature) a state of abject chaotic scizophrenia, mixed with a dash of delusional hope, and mountains of denial, that human frontal lobe conscious thought will eventually save the day...ha!

Your central nervous system is a programmed hard-drive and 90% of your life is lived on complete auto-pilot. Yet, you loudly rejoice and revel in the 10% of your experience you can even consciously access, which is really nothing more than externally influenced sputtering of already engaged ideas, and proudly proclaim the fooking bovine excrement that comes out your pie hole as your "beliefs," to be manna from heaven (I mean, come on...who really gives a shiny rat's arse what "I" believe???)

You've not one unique thought in that gelatinous tangled web securely located behind your eyeballs and within the dark recesses of your cranial cavity. Genetically, your brain is only 1% removed from apes and, hence, you are essentially a moron (but then, me too!)

Many seek to consciously override subconscious hard-wiring, which is remotely possible due to brain neuroplasticity, but your impatience knows no bounds, as you respond to external stimuli with knee-jerk, automatic precision, each response reinforcing that it will be replicated in exactitude when the moment calls for it. Is it any wonder your life is a fookfest and, except for brief moments of respite, has never been but a fest of fook?

Your modern CNS has been unconsciously victimized by routine mechanized behaviors (programmed by previously experienced repetitive stimuli) that you have no control over, simply because of neurally sculpted social conditioning, that began the moment you left the womb, and allowed you to become the docile, mundane indentured servant that your social order required.

Is it any wonder why human egocentrica mammalian's so deeply adore directly seeking the experiences of conscious thought, ideologically accessed through the frontal lobes, with all it's beliefs, opinions, morals, values, etc, all of which makes up a mere 10% of brain activity, but that allows you to assert into the world a "self" that you demand be much more than a mechanized mass of neural circuitry, but can never be anything but that...ever.

"Relax," said the night man, we are programmed to receive, you can check out anytime you like......but you can never leave" - Eagles 

The "subconscious" is nothing more than neuro-circuitry that is lost, and inaccessible, to conscious awareness (the neural realm where "you" seem to reside) and that "you" have nothing to do with, in terms of automatic synaptic messages sent through electro-chemical impulses that "you" do not control, and that "you" live out your life completely unaware of, but are at the mercy of every single moment of your life, yet continually struggle, day after day, to find and assert an 'I-me' into that tangled mass of electro-chemical impulses subconsciously firing off in 3 lbs of fat cheese within a cranial shell that you reverently refer to as "I-me."

We can't say that you're in denial of this, because you actually have no 'knowledge' of it's occurring, as it does, day after day, year after year. There are certain particular processes that you can become cognizant of and change (like addictions), but only because those are blatantly demonstrative and apparent in your constant fooked up behaviors, while all others are subtle, unconscious ripples in the grey matter between your ears, and yet, they have have grave repercussions on ALL your future behaviors.

"In the brain, neurons that fire together, wire together" (quote from a really astute neuroscientist) You simply have NO idea why you continue to do the shite you do, in response to the shite others do, and, most likely, you will never know, because of mental associations unconsciously constructed in your childhood, even before you encountered your 'self' for the very first time, the brain was busy wiring up experiences, unbeknownst to "you."

This poses the question: If 90% of all human egocentrica mammalia's life is performed from subconscious impulses, and those impulses have resulted in the current deplorable state of affairs he now finds himself, is there really any hope that collective human egocentrica mammalia will ever find a way out of the apocalypse he is rapidly heading toward because of his subconscious directives, since his best conscious 'thinking' got him there in the first place?

The revered "enlightenment" and "awakening" practices, that you have been taught by your "master guru" will result in your own enlightened state, are predicated on a conscious mind that only directs 10% of your daily existence and completely fails to account for, or is even aware of, subconscious processes that require 90% of your cranial fatty tissue, the very processes that keeps your physical body alive.

"forgive them lord, for they know not what they do." - The Christ Dude


Obviously, the most profound, and scientifically verifiable, statement ever proclaimed.....

Artwork by Aegis Strife

Freedom Bows to Slavery...

Cries for freedom are absurd, because they ignore the bondage to nature, which ignores social conventions, is not even aware of social conventions and so, couldn't give a rat's arse about what roles you conform to when the roles of the natural world can NOT be denied and all your attempts at denying this merely dump you into a suicidal black hole of despondency.

Yet, if you are dwelling in that black hole of despondency, if your personal "world" is crumbling under your feet, make no mistake, the need for this is paramount and there's nothing "you" can do because you are simply not in charge and every instance of chaos is an attempt to prove this...

...until you get it.

And that is the definition of "enlightenment."

UNDERSTANDING: Your Delusion of Control is Completely Beyond Your Control Because "Your" Life does not Belong to "You"

In a universe predetermined by an unfolding causal order, your life has become exactly what it is and will continue to be exactly what it has been destined to be based on the predetermined route it must continue to follow, in direct proportion to all the influences that impacted upon "you" (and continue to impact upon your brain circuits), and the hard-wired responses that inform you of what to think, feel and do, again, based on the influences that impacted upon you in the past.

This is called imprinting and, like Conrad's chicks, your impressionable neurally programmed brain is no different. You will respond ONLY as you are programmed to respond. What other way could you respond than from the mental scripts provided? 

Yet, you can easily identify your programmed responses if you would only analyze the patterns and, make no mistake, your life has been neurally scripted to acutely follow ingrained patterns and what those patterns display has been demonstrably repetitive.

Yet, the chief conundrum of your life, and attempts at implementing change, is that even after identifying the dumb sheit you repetitively do, you are so deeply hardwired that you cannot fathom a way out of your patterned stoopidity (particularly in relation to subconscious neural circuitry, outside only the most diligent attempts at re-routing).

With each passing year any understanding of why you continually do what you do, drifts further from your capacity to neuroplastically alter the pattern, based on the extensive socially conditioned hard-wired brain circuits that have determined all your responses, because the shaping and molding of your neural pathways began before 'you' even knew you had a 'self' and continue to influence every thought of that 'self,' thereby, determining and directing all subsequent behavior and action...up until the day the brain shuts down.

As long as you consider your "self" the point of origin to the choices you make, you will never "awaken," since the motherboard is pitifully overloaded with useless neural circuitry requiring copious amounts of electro-chemical juice (origin of all post-modern stress/anxiety disorders, based on the stress chemical cortisol).

That understanding has eluded human egocentrica mammalia for millions of years and, as he becomes ever more concretely entranced and transfixed in his techno-fooked existence, that understanding will drift ever further, since he becomes ever more robotically obsessed with the current post-modern, mind-numbing technological psychosis, a delusional matrix psychosocially normalized as real, that now drives his dopamine receptors to seek out pseudo-realities, illuminated by pixels through bytes of fabricated information provided through plasma screens, to achieve varying levels of pleasure, motivation and well-being (dopamine is the chief neurochemical protagonist and has directed you entire life and it, not "you," determines the direction of your life. Learn about dopamine, because everything you have ever learned and every value you hold dear is the result of this brain chemical alone).

The understanding is simple and, contrary to the socialized message that has been mercilessly ground into your neuro-circuited head fat, it is available only by "pruning" away the chaotically ensconced neural morass that is useless to your fully understanding what is actually taking place in between your ears, but robotically directs your every action in a neurally processed dream state. But the brain does that, not "you."

"You" are only along for the ride, which includes the delusion that you are the driver and determine the destination...

Yet, for the few that experience a fried motherboard (not by choice) they grok the simplicity of each and every moment in the realization that...

...your life does not belong to "you."

The brain circuits have determined who "you" are and neuro-chemistry has determined exactly how you feel, what you do and, from the moment of birth, it has been vigilantly developing neural pathways that makes 'who' you were, into what you are now, and will continue along that trajectory until the moment it shuts down, allowing you to be what you were always destined to become...

...dead.

What every famous spiritual guru failed to accurately elucidate is that, to be "in the moment," is to surrender to the brain. Only the mythological "Buddha" understood that "events happen, deeds are done, but there is no individual doer of any deed," and your mind/brain can only rebel furiously over the possibility that this could in any way be true.

If there is no "doer," than what exactly should you be doing to be free?

The brain that determines your thoughts, feelings and behavior is a product of a universal causal unfolding that has determined every moment of your life and has left "you" completely out of that loop, other than allowing the delusion that you were in control, a delusion that is the source of all depression, anxiety, anger and guilt, essentially, all "mental illness" known today.

All mental illness is a rebellion over the complete lack of control and, in post-modern society, is increasing exponentially, as chaos reigns supreme.

Yet, your life seems to belong to "you," even though "you" (and science) have failed to actually identify where in the grey matter "you" actually exist, if "you" exist at all, nevertheless, you proudly (an emotion not available anywhere else in nature) proclaim the thoughts, feelings, behaviors and actions that your brain circuitry demands be engaged, become a factually grounded product of an amalgamated, homogenized, concrete, and clearly irreducible, "you," but you can accurately prove none of it, thereby, indicating it is only a feeling based on faulty data processing that could easily be corrected if enough circuits were constructed to engage this understanding as a means of short-circuiting decades of ignorance (but, of course, that is entirely outside your egocentric realm of control, simply because you have no control).

In fact, if you look closely, the specific direction of your entire life as been influenced by factors completely outside your control and the responses you provided to those influences were outside your control, since you did what you "thought" was necessary, even though now, you kick yourself for not doing otherwise.

Have you noticed the repetitive nature of your life? Have you taken note of your repeat performances? The cyclical nature of the rise and fall of your brief, but highly precious, moments of "happiness"? The chaos and order constantly inherent to all your relationships? The repetitive nature of all your addictions? The rise and fall of your numerous sufferings? The absolute ignorance wrapped up in your delusional dreams of "success"?

"It is only when the ego himself comes to the conclusion, from personal investigation into his own personal experience, that his every single action has been based on some prior happening over which he has had no control, that he is finally compelled to surrender his sense of personal doership, that no one is the doer of any action, neither himself nor the ‘other’, that all that happens at any moment, through any body-mind organism is brought about by the Primal Energy functioning through each body-mind-organism, according to God’s will or the Cosmic Law." Balsekar, Ramesh S. (2012-06-21). Confusion No More: For the Spiritual Seeker (Kindle Locations 88-92). Watkins Publishing. Kindle Edition. 

You have never been in control of anything and even your delusion of being in control is beyond your control. But belief in making free-will choices was necessary to weave a social tapestry with institutions based entirely on your deeply inherent experience of guilt, based on choices you made or failed to make... correctly. And now you are stuck with it. Without the endemic acceptance of guilt, civilization could never have unfolded as it has and your fear of not meeting the standards has been the chief factor of the post-modern capitalistic system of enslavement and the construction of the post-modern world.

You will die, deeply enmeshed in existential guilt that you didn't do enough to be the best you could be, in a culture that demands you experience guilt, because you could never do enough to be the best that you could be, because what that culture only desires is for you to experience guilt and, hence, you have achieved what the culture requires as a means of cultural control.

Game over....



Artwork by Mark Ryden - "Saint Barbie"

The 'Sheit Happens' Prayer

I just completed another day that I had nothing to do with and sheit happened as it always does.

Funny how this seems to be the pattern of each and every day, although, deeply enmeshed within that pattern is the socially conditioned idea that "I-me" is in charge of the sheit that happened within that 24 hr period and that it's completely up to "I-me" how I deal with the sheit that happened.

Looking back on the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of the day it becomes crystal clear...

...my responses to the sheit that happened was, like the sheit that happened, completely outside "my" control and simply more sheit happening.

The responses to the sheit happening was just more sheit happening and was directed by neuro-circuited habituated impulses wired up in cranially based fatty tissue, all firing off under the direction of countless neuro-chemical interactions, i.e. dopamine, serotonin, enkephalins, endorphins, epinephrine, norepinephrine, glutamate, acetylcholine, etc,and numerous hormonal interactions (do you really think you have control over this sheit?), as well as sundry other psycho-emotive medicinals such as oxyticin, progestin, cortisol, etc, etc, etc.

Of all the ways I could have responded to the sheit that happened, my brain chose that particular way, because it had no choice based on trillions of miles of enmeshed dendrite circuits. 

How can "I-me' be responsible for the actions based on the impulses of a genetically/culturally programmed bodily organ (brain) when, in fact, that organ was primarily constructed in my formative years without any active participation on my part. Is "I-me" responsible for keeping the heart beating? Is "I-me" responsible for the lungs filling with air? Of course, most organs do what they are genetically programmed to do and this is no different for the brain that must respond to external influences from survival circuits deep within its core.

Your brain is a part of the grand universal expanse that is the causally predetermined natural order and...

...not a part of "you." 

For those who fully "grok" this understanding, living within the parameters of such an absence of control can be exhilarating. But it is a hard pill to swallow and can take years, even decades to neuro-plastically prune back useless "I-me" responsibility circuits. Although this may seem like an assertion of control, it is actually the brain rerouting unused circuits attributed to free-will and control and it will be the brain and not "you" that engages that process. In fact, that process may eventually deconstruct "you" entirely.

Yet, I cannot deny the reflexive response engaging my "self" to experience guilt when sheit was bad and pride when sheit was good, such is the powerful nature of habituated impulses hard-wired in head fat. Yet, currently, this engagement is consistently brief and I quickly return to my original absence of free-will and, in realizing I have nothing to do with any of this...

...sheit that just happens.

For human egocentrica mammalians the idea of controlling nature, the nature that is simply a part of a predetermined causal order that directs all sentient and non-sentient existence, is paramount and, in a world overly populated by human egocentrics, all the sheit they do to assert control over their unique personal world, which is inextricably enmeshed in other personal worlds, results in an insane cacophony, growing exponentially in magnitude and intensity to a point where most egocentrics are actually beginning to realize that they are in control of nothing and everything is gradually becoming completely uncontrollable

No matter what precautions you undertake. No matter how much education and learning you employ to insure your protected from certain sheit happening. No matter how much planning you meticulously engineer to avoid sheit from happening in ways you desire NOT...

...sheit just happens.

Even when good sheit happens, I no longer seem to care. For a brief moment I'm all jiggy with it, but that fades fast, causing me to fall back into my "sheit happens" baseline mental state, understanding that in a dualistic world, sheit happens dualistically. That's the state I'm in 99% of the time. I move from moment to moment waiting to see what sheit happens, because some kinda sheit always happens.

It's kinda like living in a state of perpetual surprise, I'm always fascinated about the sheit that happens when it happens, as it always does.

Through understanding that your not in control of anything, when sheit happens, it's okay. Simply because you understand, on a deep reptilian brain level (yep, that's how deep the 'understanding' has to go to be truly "done" with the sheit that happens), that in the grand scheme of things the sheit that happened was supposed to happen exactly as it happened or it simply would not have happened as it happened when it happened.

The question you need to ask your "self" is, when sheit happens, "why do I think sheit should have happened differently than the sheit that happened exactly as it did? Why do I think the sheit happening that is my life should be some other sheit happening? Why do I spend my days gritting and grinding over the sheit that is my life, when it had to happen exactly as it did and has to be exactly what it is or it would be different than what it is."

Let us recite the "sheit happens" prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept that sheit happens.
(good and bad. It's all just sheit happening)
The courage to know that I can't stop sheit from happening.
And the wisdom to just let sheit happen as it happens, when it happens,
cause it always happens exactly as it does and couldn't happen any other way
and my response to sheit happening will happen exactly as that sheit should happen, each and every time.

AhfookingMen.....



Artwork by Igor Morski

The Predetermined Mating Habits of Human Egocentrica Mammalia

After a very long hiatus in the field, studying the behaviors of human egocentrica mammalia, I have returned from their petroleum based habitats to provide a field report.

This report focuses on the genetically predetermined mating habits of human egocentrica mammalia.

However, the important point emphasized throughout this report (a point this blog has relentlessly proclaimed) is that the chief factor differentiating the human egocentrica mammalian species from all other species in the natural world is that egocentrica mammalians believe they have a "self" that makes choices free of external and internal influences, free of biological imperatives, neuro-circuited hard-wiring and other, sundry, instinctual drives.

Such belief is patently absurd when considered in depth, but the human egocentric mammalian, though constantly engaged in thought processes to the point of utter madness, is not very adept at plumbing any real depth attributable to his/her ability to process "thought."

Nature has allowed human egocentrica the gift/curse of 'selfhood' and through it human egocentrica constructs monstrous civilizations to try and further remove himself (albeit, fruitlessly, as will be demonstrated) from the natural predetermined causal order that allowed him existence in the first place, but that will inevitably end up allowing him to entirely destroy himself (those signs can be seen all around him, yet he continues to "deny," which, of course, is the first stage in the "Stages of Grief" process).

The mating habits of human egocentrica mammalia is one of the many aspects of his life that he believes he has complete conscious cognitive/behavioral control (pertaining to both sexes of the egocentric tribe). Similar to 99% of the behaviors he engages in, his mating habits are entirely under subconscious direction, leaving him no conscious idea why he actually does what he does, but nevertheless shaping and molding the behaviors needed to have his instinctual drives satisfied. Human egocentrica remains deeply incarcerated in his sub-neural, subconscious 'hard wiring,' that was originally initiated in the womb, only to become concretely reinforced in his grey matter as he developed in physical maturity, insuring the instinctual directive of the predetermined, and continually unfolding, causal order, would be followed even through the complicated moral conventions of the post-modern world branded into the frontal cortex..

Hence, all his/her mating habits, that he/she believes are consciously and volitionally chosen, are completely and inextricably predetermined and genetically hard wired between his ears and outside the purview of a 'self' engaging the delusion of free-will. The mating habits of egocentrica are no different than the primordial directives to eat, sleep, shit, seek safety and survive and, regardless of all his rampant intellectualizing, he is bound to these natural directives unless he cognitively seeks to ignore them at his peril (suicide).

As evolutionary psychology demonstrates, sexual habits of egocentrica mammalians are entirely based in genetically programmed imperatives that are not that difficult to observe in egocentrica's fabricated world, and have nothing to do with any conscious decision-making the egocentric species prides themselves on. 

The male of the species has a prime directive to engage sexually with all the females because it is biologically imperative that he spread his DNA far and wide. The biological imperative of the female is just the opposite, but just as basic, and requires her choosing the best DNA to insure survival of her offspring (hypergamy). These two genetically programmed imperatives are hard-wired into his/her brain and are just as manifest in modern times as they were when we were tribal hunter-gatherers.

Translate this into our post-modern era and we can understand the need to invent the social convention of pair-bonding/marriage in support of a monogamous lifestyle, since allowing only Alpha males to procreate would serve as a weak foundation for a social order/state that requires a population of obedient workers/soldiers.

Unfortunately, this confinement of mating within strict socially prescribed boundaries failed to consider the opposing subconscious biological imperatives of the sexes and it is becoming ever more clear that monogamy is no longer a tenable strategy resulting in the complete unfolding and disruption of the social fabric, since the female hypergamous nature demands she engage sexually with the Alpha and seek only provisioning from the Beta.

The female egocentrica has complete control of procreation and the sexual act (baring rape), while the male controls his choice of commitment/relationship, simply because the male is hard-wired to want sex often, while the female is wired to engage commitment as a prerequisite of frequent sex and this harks back to hunter-gatherer times and the requiring the protection of the Alpha male. Hence, in the modern world the male egocentrica wants sex often and based on the prevailing social convention has socially contracted (marriage) to have sex often, but with only one female. However, he does not get to choose that female, since his job is to strut around like a peacock in the hopes she will choose him and, if he possesses the genetically valuable Alpha traits that insures the survival of her offspring, she will receive his DNA and his protection/provisioning.

Yet, the problem of marriage is twofold. The female's hypergamy demands dissociation from the betasized male, resulting in reduction or discontinuance of sex, demanding the Beta do more to acquire it, resulting in loss of attraction by the female, since Alphas need do nothing to acquire sex due to their Alpha status. Quite simply, the male seeks extramarital sex due to his imperative to spread his genetics to other females, while the female seeks extramarital sex to entertain her desire to acquire the genetics of the Alpha.

"All men want is sex" and "why do women like jerks" are common refrains of post-modern male/female egocentrica mammalians, in an attempt to deny genetic imperatives, as if they had a choice in the matter. Yet, mother's of male child egocentrics are the chief protagonists in maintaining the social fabric by engineering the neuro-circuitry of the male egocentric offspring to believe that his chief preoccupation should be the adoration and worship of the egocentric female, which is completely counter the actual inclination of the Alpha, adhering to the "fuck 'em and forget 'em" modus operandi. Alpha males do NOT commit to any one female egocentric in their desire to impregnate ALL female egocentrics, yet the Beta male is thus socially programmed to seek out and commit to one female, who will eventually tire and become bored with the Beta, since she is genetically programmed for Alpha attraction, and will thus one day encounter an Alpha for whom she will sacrifice everything to receive his genetic material on a regular basis (resulting in the hugely lucrative "divorce" industry which generates billions annually, of which over 50% of marriages end in divorce and of that 50% over 70-75% are initiated by the female egocentrica mammalian).

Nevertheless, even with the lunacy of this mating strategy, the Beta male is so deeply indoctrinated to follow socially programmed scripting(prefrontal cortex), the genetically predetermined nature of his initial idealistic, Disneyesque, matrimonial bliss will only turn to abject melancholy (Major Depression is rampant for males in the U.S.) when everything he does for the female, to insure her receptiveness to his genetic material, only results in rejection, since Alphas need do nothing based on their status in the social hierarchy, and the more he does to engage it the greater her disrespect and contempt and the farther she moves away (Briffaults law: "The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place") until one day the Alpha finds his way to her lusting heart and the marital fantasy of the Beta is crushed like a grape and he must part with half of all his shit, rarely see his offspring (if at all) and reward her a monthly salary (alimony) for her choice to engage the Alpha who will use her, until the next willing female egocentrica mammalian engages his fancy, at which point he tosses her aside.

But note that all of this is occurring based on genetically hard-wired directives and no conscious intention is engaged. Egocentrica makes his/her best attempt to conform to the social conventions but, alas, his/her deeper instincts will always run the show. The masculine/feminine sexual instinct of human egocentric mammalia is the absolute driving force of post-modern society and can be identified in every engagement he encounters.

This is obviously why your "enlightened master teacher" fell from grace. His "enlightenment" was a product of a programmed post-modern prefrontal-cortex, while his copulating with the 22 yr old student was motivated by neuro-circuitry deep within his reptilian brain stem, that even his prefrontal cortex could not impede or obstruct.

Your "enlightenment" is entirely based on your recognition that "you" are in charge of nothing at all, whatsoever, and it couldn't be any simpler to finally be..."done," in the illuminating recognition that a "self" in charge of nothing at all, is a self that cannot possibly exist.


Artwork by Enthyros Van Akel

Civilized Egocentrica Mammalia...

Indeed, human egocentrica mammalia loves his 'civilization.' Even though it has extracted from his mind any semblance of authentic existence, he wouldn't have it any other way than to be "civilized." Joy and wonder are not necessary, when civilization provides automobiles, HD TV's and toilets.

What Happens Next, Just Fooking Happens Next...

I have no idea what will happen next.

Correction. I have many ideas of what will happen next, but I lack the care and concern as to what will happen next, which removes me from demanding what happens next conform to my ideas of what happens next and, hence, what happens next, just fooking happens, exactly as it always does.

Your life has always been fooking happening, regardless of your attempts to make it conform to your ideas of what happens next, because what happens next always just fooking happens. 

In addition, I also realize that what happens next had to happen next, based on what happened before, and how my brain is hard-wired to deal with what happened before and, subsequently, with what will happen next, and that specific hard-wiring was constructed in my formative yrs, in which I was allowed no choice in what experiences impacted my brain and shaped my neuro-circuitry to respond to what happens next, but those un-chosen experiences of early childhood, without doubt, have brought me, over many years, to what happens next, because what happens next requires a response, and I will respond to what happens next as I must, based on the trillions of miles of neural-dendritic connections in my brain, formatted by what happened before and completely influencing how I will respond to what happens next.

What happens next is guaranteed by what happened before. I have no freedom from this because, in this, is my freedom. It is ultimately the refusal to surrender to the predetermined causal order that is the foundation of all suffering. But, that has to happen and has happened exactly as it must since human egocentrica mammalia happened to construct a neuro-circuit that made him ‘think’ he could actually choose what happened next, based on an autonomous WILL free from the influence of everything in the universe that happened before. 

Thinking it could be other than it obviously is, in the moment it obviously is, incarcerates me in a future based on a past wired up in my grey matter, causing me to lose the freedom of this moment as it happens next. But, even that momentary incarceration, demanding what happens NOT happen, must happen exactly as it does, else it would not happen.

Make no mistake, that moment that you demand happen other than as it is happening...you are there, in that moment, and nowhere else should you be, but in that moment of suffering.

And so I sit here, deep in the throes of a despotic depression, completely accepting that this is what is happening, without rejecting what is happening, as it is happening, or demanding something other than what is happening to happen.

Why would you want what is happening to be other than what is happening, when you realize that what is happening had to happen exactly as it now happens? However, if you believe you have a “free” choice in what happens, then you’re fooked (but not really, cause you’re supposed to be fooked, or else you wouldn’t be).

How is it that I was once neurally hard-wired to believe that something other than what is happening should be happening? I no longer think that, so when did those circuits get fried?  I have no idea when that sheit happened, but clearly, it happened, else they would not have been fried.

I have no desire to have happen other what is happening and in my allowing this to happen, as it happens, I am absolutely engulfed in complete freedom, because there is NO thought that this should NOT be as it is if, in fact, it is what it is, otherwise, it would be something different than it is (well, not exactly accurate. First I go, "damn! why is this sheit happening," and then the new circuit kicks in with, "but shiet happens" and I think, "oh right!!")

If the next thought to happen should be to blow my brains out with a gun, why would I reject that happening as something that should not happen?

Many years ago I used to have those thoughts happen (suicidal ideation), but that was before I encountered a “self” that does not seek to control what happens next (and I have no flippin' idea how that "self" happened). Nevertheless, if I should again have those thoughts happen, to the point of actually acting on those thoughts, which would have to happen or they wouldn’t, why should I reject those thoughts as happening exactly as they must happen, requiring I behaviorally conform to those thoughts and blow my flippin’ brains out?

The “idea” that what happens should NOT happen is hard-wired and requires a great deal of deconstruction, or frying of the motherboard, to neutralize. Nevertheless, even that can only happen as it happens and any attempt to make it happen before it’s supposed to happen, is destined to fail, until it’s supposed to succeed.

I must admit, there is a deep peace in letting sheit happen as it happens, because it always is what it is and it could never be other than what it is or it would be.

Artwork by LaraFairie - "Faceless Composition"

No One Is Ever Coming To Stay...

My thanks to a new friend...