"Love" as a Product of Deprivation

When you chose to love another, it was because you believed love was lacking and it was from this absence that you decided another must be found to achieve fulfillment. You were taught that egocentric "happiness" was the result of joining with another in "love."

In this world, lack and subsequent need, brings people together. We decide to love in order to fill an absence and it is the belief in an absence of love that motivates a desire to locate the “lover.”

Filling this lack would not be so bad if it had the potential to remain fulfilled, but the fact that we often move from relationship to relationship demonstrates how this lack is never truly fulfilled.

Even when “love” is found, the experience of lack, and the corresponding need for fulfillment eventually returns. It’s as if this experience of lack can never be fulfilled and the need to fill the emptiness continues on indefinitely.

Seek to fulfill a lack and the lack is reinforced. Seek an fulfillment from increase and lack disappears and is no longer the reason for your search. Seek love from fulfillment and love must be found because it's already there.

The love you find from lack and deprivation is nothing more than a relative rendition of "love," identifiable to no one else but you and you will expect the chosen 'lover' conform to your personal criteria of “love.”

Many will claim that, until you can effectively love yourself, you can never love another. But how can you love a ‘self’ (“you”) that is judged as lacking (love)? Isn’t it the feeling of lack that drives you to seek to join with another in order to fill the void? Would you seek love if it was not lacking 'within' you?

The ego-self will never allow you to love yourself until the lack is filled and to fill the lack you must seek out another. Yet, seeking to love another from a deprived 'self' only increases deprivation. 

Once you find the one to fill your lack, you soon realize that they cannot fulfill your lack unless the love that is given specifically meets your relative, egocentric criteria of love. Although many may come close to your relative criteria of love, they MUST always fall short, only to leave you once again lacking and seeking to have that void filled.

To seek love from lack, only defines more lack. You are never lacking love, however, you are always lacking love based on your conditions and as long as those conditions are the motivation for seeking love, lack will eventually return, because lack is the criteria that drove your search in the first place.

In realizing that you do not lack love, no void need be filled. This removes a heavy burden from the one you have chosen and they, in turn, place no ‘burden of love’ upon you. Love does not have reason to sacrifice unless it is a love born of lack.

A love born of lack demonstrates that you have no idea how to love yourself or another and, therefore, you must become open to the possibility of learning with and through another. Fully engage with another to learn what love is and not to fulfill some predetermined conditions relative to your egocentric past conditioning.

Loving one ‘self’ is in direct proportion to the love you give another and the love you give another can never be from lack. Deeply engaging the world by joining with another in that engagement enriches your experience of a world.

A Deep Spirit engagement with the world does not evolve from lack, but from an increase that has NO limits.

So how do you know if your love comes from lack or from increase?

If the lover leaves you and you feel lack then, make no mistake, lack defined your love and, therefore, was NOT love at all. If the loved ones passing leaves you feeling empty, then your love was based on what you lacked.

This is a fiction in which love becomes more a burden than an increase. I have met grieving spouses who, after years of domestic hell, felt deeply grieved over the lovers passing, even though in life they engaged in chronic, never-ending conflict. This grief is nothing more than an acute re-identification with the lack that was never fulfilled, even after years of “love.” The grieving partner tends to glorify the deceased “loved one,” as if they actually had fulfilled the emptiness all those years.

This is called “anesthetic love,” in which we pretend that the relationship form (marriage) was enriched by the content (love) when, in fact, only the form held it together. Form without content is a lifeless shell of lack and deprivation.

This is difficult for an ego-self to comprehend, primarily because an ego-self is constructed entirely from lack and deprivation, causing an endless seeking for fulfillment through what the world offers. Many use lack as a tool, believing that if they withhold love from another, the other will experience lack and seek to reform in order to fulfill their lack and alleviate the deprivation. Yet, what is withheld was never there in the first place and lovers play out the fiction of love by using lack against one another.

Deep Spirit correspondence experiences NO lack or deprivation and only enriches those who join from that depth. To come to another from Deep Spirit means to come from an experience of increase, as opposed to lack. From depth, individuals seek unity through love and even the ego cannot interfere on what it cannot interpret due to its depth, because the ego is a surface creature.

Artwork by Katherine Blackwell - "Surrendering to the Inevitable and Inescapable"

The Delusion of "Alone"

The general consensus is that your pain is yours alone. That you are sole proprietor of your shadows, your shames, your defects of character and as such, it must be dissolved by your efforts alone.

The ego demands truth be a solitary discovery and to find it you must engage your shadows in solitude.

But every pain you have experienced, every shadow that impedes your joy, every defect of character and every fear is directly correlated with your relationship to others.

The deepest joy that life holds is encountered through and with others and your most incapacitating levels of suffering are also in direct relationship with others.

You are never alone in anything you think, feel or do. Even the idea of being “alone” demands others exist for which you seek to be apart from. A self “alone” does not exist, but this does not dissuade the ego from glorifying such a possibility and it does this through suffering.

Joy is a shared experience. But suffering you wish to keep to your ‘self’…and this is why you are exclusively a ‘self.’

… and that is why you suffer. Your suffering defines YOU.

How can the self, purely constructed in the alternating and fluctuating patterns of relationship to others, be experienced outside the parameters of relationship?

It can’t....

Buddha/Christ realized the interdependent connection of all things.

What are you waiting for?
Your awakening to truth will be experienced with and through full engagement with others, simply because that is the only Truth. To awaken to truth is to engage others to dissolve ALL fear. Otherwise, your "enlightenment" or "awakening" is nothing more than an egocentric farce, a ruse, an obvious self-deception.

Truth is NOT available to individuals….alone.
It’s all or nothing, folks. Yet, the egocentric ideologies of the world were formulated to conform to your deep-seated distrust and fear of other people. Therefore, all the religions and spiritual paths of the world advocate for what the ego demands. To keep from deeply engaging and awakening with a world of other minds, into a self-absorbed world of individual ‘higher’ states of consciousness and solitary pathways to  "truth."

To fully engage a world of others is NOT to dissolve or negate your individuality, but to dissolve attachment to ‘self’ through deeply and fully sharing that ‘self.’ You’re not here to transcend the ‘self’ through self-absorbed fixation on individualized spiritual practices or religious ideologies that merely magnify your egocentric grandiosity.

You are here to fully engage with other minds in discovering the “changeless,” through deeply sharing the ever-changing "you."
There is no ‘self’ separate or outside relationship with the 'world' and your world is nonexistent without the self-defining properties of those you have joined with to give meaning to that world. We construct, deconstruct and reconstruct one another from moment to moment, but we often do that out of fear. Imagine what WE could do in fearlessness. Imagine a world no longer defined by defiant opposition, competitive drives and incessant conflict.

This is the non-dual Truth we seek to discover…

Your belief in an individuality exclusive to you denies that you participate in the construction of the world, just as the world has participated in constructing "you." This was the original Christ/Buddha message, not the laborious negotiation of a maze of complex ideological practices and paths that individual “masters” proselytize.

The power to move mountains is available to all, but only when all make themselves available to one another. Such power is mutually constructed  and your solitary seeking obstructs it.

“Alone we can do nothing, but together our wills fuse into something whose power is far beyond the power of its separate parts.” (A Course in Miracles - Urtext)


Artwork by Victor Mahana Nassar - "Un Minuto Mas"

Fabricating Your Fixations

The ego is essentially a fabricated fixation. To "fixate" is to lock in on a point (belief) as opposed to, and in contrast with, other points (other beliefs). In order to exist the ego-self requires fixed points or coordinates. Therefore, it unravels an experience of time/space (body-world) through which to perpetuate its self-construct in contrast to other fixed constructs. The ego-self essentially knows itself through what it contrasts WITH and without contrast you could not exist as a fabricated fixation.

But the constructs which the ego employs to contrast itself against, are as much a fabrication as IT IS. 

To fixate on itself, the ego requires fixation on a contrasting world through which identification of self would be easily referenced as unique and exclusive from all other fabrications.

From these two contrasting fixations (self and world) the ego unraveled numerous other subsequent fixations which exponentially multiply and, thus, confirm its existence as FACT. These experiential fixations continue to become ever more complex (and ever more patently absurd) and can be seen to be increasing with TIME.

Yet, you don’t experience your ‘self’ as an imaginary fixation and the egocentric mind must deny that IT would ever be involved in such vapid, self-absorption. Therefore, the ego does something quite ingenious in order to maintain this fixation (that requires NO conscious intervention or awareness from “you")

It merely requires that you fixate on what the world offers and ITS existence falls neatly into place.

You will never doubt your ‘self’ as long as you experience a world through which to contrast “you.” Remember, the ego knows itself through what it contrasts with and, therefore, it need only facilitate the fixation on a contrasting “outside” world (space/time) to reinforce its fixation on ITSELF. Therefore, all that need occur is for you to simply VALUE what the world offers and, Viola! you remain deeply immured and fixated on the ego as the means TO perceive value and KNOW YOUR ‘SELF.’ By judging contrasts, your existence is assured as “real.” For how would “you” know a “world” if not from the shelter of a fixed “self”?

You can go ahead and doubt your ‘self’ all you want. If the world is REAL, so must “you” be. 

There is only one problem with this system. The ego-self constructs the very fixations through which “you” know your ‘self.’ Only you must continue to remain ignorant of that fact and the world is the ego's 'gift of denial.' If you were to ever realize that you are origin of ALL experience, the ego would instantly dissolve (since it's only a fabrication). So how does the ego-self deny that IT constructs the fixations for which it contrasts itself?

By constructing ever more complex fabrications in order to achieve ever greater fixation.

You live in a techno-postmodern world where even experiences that were once considered true, are now determined false, while the false begins to seem suddenly true. Soon you will be utterly confused by what is true or false and this confusing fluctuation between fact and fiction is beginning to occur on a daily basis, as the world’s “truth” becomes obfuscated and seemingly manipulated. The world begins to seem ever more absurd, keeping you ever more firmly fixated in what is ‘out’ there, as opposed to any experience… WITHIN.

The ego is fabricator of dualistic experience. Egocentric fixations have now become so intricately complex as to seem beyond denial and if the world is beyond denial, the ego IS also beyond denial and this complexity only builds upon itself through time (since this is the egos purpose for time). If the ego-self is denied, its constructs of experience must also be denied. Yet, your continued affirmation of the world only continues to re-confirm the 'ego-self' and the world makes “you” true.

Through your fixation on this complex absurdity, the ego will simply keep you fixated on the world through FEAR. Through fear, you will only construct more fixations, as a means of extricating yourself from fear, but only keeping you in denial of the egos need for contrasting fixations to insure it’s ‘reality.’

By understanding ego dynamics you can understand your experience of the world and this is the only means of changing the world.

To play infinitely IN the world, is to play infinitely WITH your experience of the world. There is NO difference between the two. It is to play WITH your constructs of experience and the rules which keep you fixated on the games of the world. To remain fixated on your fabrications is to no longer play freely and those who do not play freely...

...do NOT ‘play' at all.


Artwork by Madeline Von Foerster - "Esentia Exaltata

Infinite Players are Fully Engaged in the World

Infinite players ‘play’ absent all fear, because they don't play to win. They simply do NOT value the world’s finite outcomes. This makes every interaction an opportunity to play with rules by revealing how rules can make ‘play’ impossible.

Finite players do NOT question the rules and, hence, often feel controlled by the rules. The infinite player understands the ego’s need for rules. Yet, because the infinite player does NOT deny his/her egocentricity, the rules are never hidden, but always revealed and fully known. It’s always the unknown rules that victimize.

Your ability to play WITH rules, as opposed to being defined BY rules, is always correlated with your ability to play WITH the ego, rather than play BY the ego. This takes vigilance, since essentially, to play WITH the ego means that it will rebel against any lack of serious intent.

Finite players are defined BY the ego’s rules. Infinite player’s play WITH the rules that the ego employs to define THEM. Essentially, to play with the rules of any game is to play WITH the ego.

Finite players take the games seriously and, therefore, fear playing in the belief that without serious intent, they may “lose.” This is why finite players are seriously enmeshed in the rules and identify with little else. This makes every interaction simply another ‘move’ in the game. Finite players fail to understand the ego’s need for rules as a way to limit play and so, often feel victimized by the games the ego requires to define who they ARE.

Are you defined by the objects you possess or by your awareness of the ego’s NEED to possess?


Infinite players are clearly cognizant of all the games available IN the world, because the world is defined exclusively by its games (to be IN the world is to always be IN a game). Yet, because they play only to engage more players, they have no fear that the rules will NOT be followed. From an absence of fear, Infinite players are able to engage deeply and are often surprised by what results, because they are NOT victimized by the ego’s demand for rules.

Does your life offer surprise or are you too prepared for that?

Finite players lack awareness of the very nature of play and, therefore, fail to experience ‘play.’ They seek only to engage those who will further their finite outcomes and thus, they remain restricted to the surface. Finite players don’t like surprises and this is why their lives are virtually scripted. They often become quite agitated by those who seem to lack the serious intent the rules demand. Finite players are always vigilant to remain close to the surface in every interaction in order to avoid the surprise that awaits in the depth. Depth is very frightening to the finite player because they cannot prepare for what the past cannot teach.

Finite players revere the past. But only because they do not trust themselves and believe that an unprepared ego (untrained) is a recipe for failure. They spend many years studying the moves of past winners in the hope of replicating “success” for their own future. To the finite player, NOW is nothing more than series of ‘wins’ that make life worthwhile until death. Finite players see little other reason for living. They live in a state of ‘suspended preparation’ and they pride themselves on their readiness to obstruct the moves of other players in order to further advance themselves. Finite players are sensitized to little else but winning and so, are desensitized to ALL else.

Infinite players are certainly aware of the past, but they see no desire to repeat it and thus, feel no compunction in breaking from convention by playing with the rules of the past. Yet, like the finite player, infinite players also do not trust themselves. However, unlike the finite player, who believes that the ego-self must be trained, the infinite player eschews training as nothing more than repeating the past in order to control the future.

Infinite players recognize that nothing IN the world can train them to become aware of what the world has NO knowledge of and, hence, can NEVER teach. Infinite players play infinitely, simply because they are open to LEARNING that which a finite world can NEVER teach and this is why they are NOT victims, nor do they have reason to victimize (what the world teaches).

Infinite players are acutely aware that all experience is simply the confluence of the relationship between the parts. It is NOT ‘individuals’ but the relationships between individuals that determines what is experienced IN the world. Infinite players do not fear even the most adverse relationships, because the experience of adversity is an invitation to fully engage the resolution that lies in the depth of understanding, which can only be accessed through relationship.

Infinite players are fully engaged in ALL relationships. This makes them fully engaged in the world, since it is through relationship that a 'world' is experienced as infinite.

Artwork by James Sebor - "I Am We"

The Infinite Patterns of Infinite Play

Everyday IN the world, egos are at ‘play.’ But they rarely experience it that way, and so life has become very serious business indeed.

They rush from one project to the next, causing time to be experienced as a consistent series of finite completed outcomes, which seem to require the completion of even more finite outcomes. The ego believes that the more outcomes completed, or the more ‘wins’ accrued in the games you play, the more existence must be a factual reality.

This is a finite definition of “happiness,” in which you self-actualize based on winning (or diminish through losing) the games of the world.

This a pattern that can be easily observed on the surface. Finite players actualize, or increase awareness of the self, by playing on the surface to win. Infinite players actualize through an awareness of the deeper patterns of playing.

Infinite players are very aware of patterns, because they have NO need to control the conditions of play (rules). Finite players fail to see patterns, because they are fixated on manipulating the conditions necessary for winning, achieving a goal or completing an outcome.

The experience of ’life’ is replete with patterns. There are patterns to the sun, moon and stars, leading to seasonal patterns and patterns of nature. There are patterns to growth and transitional patterns, developmental patterns, evolutionary patterns, cultural patterns,  etc, etc, etc. Infinite players are aware of these patterns, but are also aware of even more deeper patterns. Infinite players are aware of the patterns of consciousness and love to play IN those patterns. Yet, infinite players recognize that to play IN those patterns means to resist controlling them.

Patterns of consciousness include emotions, thoughts, moods, perceptions, and infinitely more, although finite players have yet to experience the ‘more’ part. Finite players experience consciousness as capricious and serendipitous and this is why they often feel victimized by their own experiences. They’re constantly seeking to find the means to control what they experience, either through manipulating physical reality or employing various thought-control techniques. The psychological sciences are an organized attempt to control the patterns of consciousness and it’s this application of control that results in psychology’s failure to understand consciousness and to help others play in the patterns of consciousness. Psychology merely reinforces victimization by advocating greater control upon the surface, thereby, failing to increase awareness of the deeper levels. The world, and thoughts that rely on the world, are merely surface representations or symbolic facsimiles.

Nevertheless, infinite players have no need to control the surface contours of consciousness. They realize that nothing really happens on the surface (although they are excellent observers of those patterns as well), while everything happens in the depths.

Infinite players play IN the deeper patterns, because they have learned to play WITH the rules that keep finite players fixated on the ego-games of the surface. Therefore, infinite players tend to display a pronounced lack of seriousness with the ego-games of the world, which is always confusing to the finite player who plays with serious egocentric intent.

To be aware of the deeper patterns is to no longer fear the consequences OF the world, since consequences on the surface effect nothing at all. This helps infinite players to ultimately realize the unified nature of all patterns. Because infinite players recognize that the ego plays only in the shallows, they do not trust their own best intentions in the world, but allow the deeper patterns to guide them.

Yet, more importantly, because infinite players are aware of the infinite patterns of consciousness, they have NO reason to interfere in it.

Artwork by Vincent Castiglia - “Stings of the Lash”