Monday, December 26, 2011

The Unexamined Ego is not Worth Living

For those who read this blog thinking “this guy might have some truths,” I can positively dissuade you of that notion. I have NO idea what the truth is (or isn’t, for that matter).

This site specifically addresses ego dynamics and digging down into why it (“you”) behaves as it does. By understanding the underlying motivations, beyond the generally accepted Freudian unconscious/subconscious drives, there is a chance you may reach a clear “spiritual” center (for lack of a better descriptor). I have experienced such a “center,” but only through momentary glimpses that were immediately subsumed and incorporated into egocentric interpretations (as is usually the case).

In addition, it is my belief that you will not engage that center through pithy platitudes or repetitively lip-servicing the scripts and moral “truths” of antiquity (interpreted by other egos millions and millions of time over). Ego-self easily incorporates ALL that within its own grandiose schemes and this is why most modern spiritual masters often appear the most egotistically afflicted (downright sociopathic actually, but that stands to reason).

In addition, you probably won’t get there through meditative spiritual practices because of the subconscious aspirations and goals that you have for your ‘self’ that are not consciously accessible (even your "spirituality" is steeped in desired outcomes and goals). Any attempt to transcend egocentricity will naturally bend itself and conform to your deep-seated goals without your conscious intent. There are a whole sheitload of egocentric “transcenders” out there and the internet is a breeding ground for the “egocentrically enlightened.”

This type of ego exploration is not well-suited for the polite company of spiritual suburbanites seeking enlightenment through Eckart Tolle's next best seller. Lotsa good stuff said by these folks, but it's all been said before (so has it made any difference to "you"?).

Although, we can’t deny it is ego observing itself, so it’s often best to have a partner. It’s harder to deny your own ego dynamics when someone you trust is pointing it out. This level of understanding demands excruciating honesty and is dreadfully uncomfortable, even downright painful to egocentricity.

It simply means understanding why you do the things you do by understanding that every answer you come up with only demands you go deeper which may include more PAIN (unfortunately, seeking to experience invulnerability is initially wrought with experiences of intense vulnerability). You will know that you’re getting closer simply by the level of resistance you experience to understanding.

The world you experience is exquisitely formulated to deny understanding through normalizing (and ‘comfortizing’) what we refer to as “rational” complexity. Egocentricity worships the chaos of complexity simply by calling it “logic” but it is entirely contingent on sense data.

Yet, be aware that fear will dog your every step, because one thing is certain: NO one, in this experience of "existing," believes he is living authentically. 

Everyone recognizes, in some way and on some level, that they are living a lie. In fact, there are many out there who have come to the realization that it’s ALL a lie. But, as many ancient wise-guys have claimed, fear would be very useful if it wasn’t so damn frightening.

But how many really want to dig this deep? Who really wants to face the potential fact that everything they do, everything they think and feel, is nothing but a baseless fabrication? The egocentric mind is void of any Truth whatsoever, by nature of its egocentricity.

The egocentric fear is that by understanding what is or is NOT a lie one must then sacrifice or cut certain parts free. That one must cease from useless actions. This smacks of SACRIFICE and sacrifice only reinforces the experience of deprivation (most likely also a lie). This is an erroneous understanding if you start from the premise that it is ALL a fabrication and, hence, it matters not what you do, but only that you understand WHY.

In this way one can learn to play infinitely in the finite fabrications of “life” and not be bound to necessity, but enriched through free-will (besides, who can ever experience free-will without understanding embodied-ego dynamics?). It terminates the experience that there are things you NEED to do, in opposition to what you WANT to do, as one choice is as insignificant or significant as the other.

But your childhood moral indoctrination impedes this exploration because you believe your values matter. And so, the ego-self chronically perseverates over change and will desperately seek a way to achieve a sense of satisfaction within the nausea of its fabricated experiences. But it will not look too closely for it fears what it might see and merely looks at what it what was taught to look at. Freud called this “sublimation” and believed it necessary to sublimate primitive drives into socially acceptable channels as a means of maintain social cohesion. Unfortunately, this has the reverse affect of stifling any super-conscious motivations NOT contingent on egocentric identities.

As a result, egos are quite comfy in their chosen “lifestyles,” while at the same time, ferociously sickened by that comfort. 

Nevertheless, the ego will delude itself through socially conditioned values and morality, which aid in maintaining a framework that holds NO content, but is clearly quite strong in the weight of its vacuous and superficial presence. Like a rugged and reinforced foundation that holds up absolutely NOTHING. This is how egos live and it’s what they come to expect.

It is not the depth of content the ego seeks, but an ever more elaborate framework for which to drape around itself as a means of self-actualizing it existence as “real.” 

It collects and controls to assist in reinforcing this foundation. It will accumulate people within specific parameters and in all types of combinations and relationships. It will construct communities, towns, societies marriages, families, etc, etc, not for the depth that could be engaged in these relationships but for which to assert itself in the world.

And then it will naturally complain of the failure inherent in relying on such meaningless surface engagements.

Yet, deep down “you” cannot deny the exhaustion experienced through the failure of the props to provide fulfillment. Egocentricity will inevitably blame the props, while denying that what it propped up to actualize itself can only diminish it. Hence, it may seek out other props, different people, new experiences, accumulate more things. But eventually even that will fail to fulfill.

But NEVER will it look deeply into its own dynamics and, if it does, the pain of what it sees will only drive it back into its experience of a "world" and what the world provides for its self-actualizing and meaningless sustenance.

“I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss.” (The Matrix)

It will become fanatically involved in a “cause” and will take up “spiritual practices,” and burn through numerous "purposes," all the while, deluding itself that it is consciously “evolving.” Egocentricity has no capacity to consciously evolve. It can only turn to the past as the means of knowing itself as a fabricated concept and all future concepts it tacks on are only the residue of that past experience.

For the ego-self, there is simply "nothing new under the sun."

There is no reason to change what you do. No reason to leave your marriage or to stay. No reason to sell your house and move to Big Sur or not to. There is no reason to take up a spiritual practice or zealously adhere to some religio-spiritual ideology that will only further aggrandize your egocentricity (egos are always looking for new and wonderful things to believe). Although you certainly can have a good time doing that. There is no reason to quit your job and become an organic gardener, but that could be an exciting experience for a little while. No reason to read Eckart Tolle or attend the new age seminar. However, there’s no reason NOT to do those things either.

Go ahead and do whatever you wish. But, sometimes, you may have to do some things that you fear doing just to see how it feels so that you can use that fear as a starting point. But don’t sweat it. Eventually it all comes up as it needs to, sooner or later (there is an odd certainty to your always getting what you need when you need it no matter how fooked up it may seem in the moment).

Don’t be shy. It’s only “you.” Swim in the depths of your egocentricity and learn what it is. Discover the reasons for your motivations and closely observe your fears. You will know you are onto something big by the intensity of your discomfort. Take that as a positive and don’t struggle too hard to run away from your mind.

Yet, one day all this might be over (before the reaper appears!). One day there may no longer be anything left to learn. Might be a load of “lifetimes” before that happens. Nevertheless, until then…

…an unexamined ego is not worth living.

Artwork by Anton Semenov - "Auschwitz"

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Going South in a Quantum Nano-Second

It's always amazing how your whole world can go south in a quantum nano-second.

Your best, most well laid plans can be instantly shattered by the smashing of a teacup. Chaos awaits all your aspirations and the ripples of chance will eventually overtake you, completely unaware, disturbing the placid waters of your comfortable life-stream without a moments notice.

And you will make choices that, inevitably, will dash you to pieces against the rocks. Puzzled, you vigorously shake your head, attempting to clear the smoke between your ears to attain some clarity as to "why." But to no avail.

What you thought was right is now suddenly dead wrong.

But your stuck with it. There’s no rewind.

Yet, you thought you knew! You had evaluated the situation with pinpoint precision and, after much thoughtful consideration, made your decision and in that moment it felt so right.

But now its suddenly so wrong.

Emotion restricts and limits the happy horse sheit you call “logic” and your rational judgments are nothing more than a paper wall as emotion crashes through and rips it all to shreds.

Man does not live by thought alone, but is ultimately driven by how he feels about what he thinks.

When will you learn that you cannot KNOW? When will you give up deciding? When will you let it be?

When will you allow CERTAINTY to decide for you?

Make no mistake, that choice you made the other day…

…had to be made and exactly as you made it.

There is either certainty or uncertainty. Both cannot exist simultaneously and, because you can attain to NO accuracy in your judgments, certainty MUST predominate over all judgments in "reality." The appearance of uncertainty is delusional.

This is so excruciatingly hard for egocentricity to roll with, because ego wants to WIN. Ego demands “success” as the means of defining itself as opposing "failure." The ego-self  seeks to accurately predict so that it can diligently plan and prepare for the outcome it desires for its future.

And in that suffocating box of predictable preparation, nothing else can be seen and awareness is stifled into complete ignorance. Everything you are preparing for is predicated on what came before. You know nothing else but what came before. All your dreams are entirely contingent on the past, (even though it is the past you run from in predicting your “better future").

This is always a recipe for disaster and it’s why disaster lurks around the corner of every choice you make, waiting to pounce on you with the unbearable weight of uncertainty and doubt. 

But that choice you made, that decision you worked so hard on, is just as certain as what comes to you without your egocentric preparation planned from predictions based on the past.

So why bother at all? Why are you working so hard? Why not ease up a little? Why not accept the CERTAINTY of every choice you make?

Your only hope is CERTAINTY. But will you allow it?

Or will you decide you know what’s best? Will you rest upon the accurate predictability of your coveted choices? Will you perseverate upon what is right and wrong? Why do you think you know what the fook you need? Because the past has predicted it?

And when you take your final breathe, will you realize only then that it was all for naught? Will you finally resign yourself to fate?

Can you find comfort in the realization that you have made no “mistakes"? Can you live the rest of your days knowing you have not “succeeded” nor have you ever “failed” and neither assessment can ever again matter? What would happen to your precious values? Do you think God gives a sheit about your made up delusional morality?

Your revel in your egocentric individuality as if “you” meant something.

I would suggest you let it all go south and free yourself of the grinding bondage of your precious beliefs.

One day you will come to the realization that your beliefs don’t make a spit of difference to CERTAINTY.

It remains as CERTAIN today as it was yesterday and will be tomorrow…

 Photo by Erik Johansson - "Melting Point"

Monday, December 5, 2011

Cosmic Mojo vs Mojo Hijacking (part 2 of infinite)

When you were “born,” you were vibrating with intense levels of high Mojo juice. You were so high Mojo, you were buzzin’ and even low Mojo couldn’t help smiling and feeling they’re own Mojo poppin’ whenever they looked at you.

But then low Mojo started cutting off your circuits and hijacking your Mojo Juice. As if your Mojo needed protectin.’ As if too high Mojo might kill yo arse! And you thought, “but why no Mojo, ma, pa?” (well maybe not those exact words). But they insisted that your Mojo go low whenever they said NO. And that’s just plain stoopid, cause high Mojo is how you know you’re ALIVE.  It’s low Mojo that finally kills ya.

Look around at all the low Mojo draggin’ they’re feet and plodding through their mundane and dreary lives like a bunch of low Mojo zombies. It’s as if they was just waiting for the Mojo to go…POOF! into thin air.

You probably don’t remember how shocked and confused you were that anyone would want to take away what made you shimmer and shine? You cried and bawled, but to no avail. They wanted your Mojo low and no matter how much you tried to jack it back up they kept draining it.

Sometimes they beat it outa you, claimin' that it hurt their Mojo more than yours. But low Mojo was persistent and demanded high Mojo always do what low Mojo wanted. Soon, low Mojo became the only way to gogo (which ain’t no way at all) and being ALIVE started to get all heavy and oppressive. High Mojo is what you’re “here” for.

But you really can’t blame low Mojo, cause they been taught that Mojo is sometimes “inappropriate;” sometimes “wrong.” They learned that there is “normal” and not “normal” Mojo, good and bad Mojo, when really there is only high and low Mojo. They think that Mojo is a product of what you DO, when really what you DO is a product of Mojo (and how they got that sheit ass backwards is beyond me, but it’s pretty epidemic at this point).

And then they forced you to get an  “education.” They dumbed down your Mojo so you could get a low Mojo “job” and idolize low Mojo “money.” Believe it or not, your stress is actually a product of your life-long struggle to keep Mojo low.

Have you ever noticed that whenever you jump into a moment of high Mojo, amazingly, you wind up shutting it down as if Mojo Joy was some kinda disease? This is how you learned to fear your own Mojo and this is why you often hate your life, cause a life without Mojo Joy ain’t really livin.’

Low Mojo taught you how to compete with other low Mojos by sapping their Mojo and takin’ it for yourself. You actually learned that the best way to get high Mojo was to hijack somebody else’s Mojo and give none back. You learned that the best way to get Mojo Risin,’ was to take it from somebody else. Can you believe that sheit??? But it’s true! Just look at all your relationships.

Now you spend your life trying to get back your high Mojo (that low Mojo stifled) by making other Mojos low. We're all nothing but a mob of Mojo Hijackers. And sure, you take their Mojo and ya get what SEEMS like a quick high, but it ain’t real Mojo. It’s an egocentric Mojo mirage, which is just low Mojo in disguise, and that never lasts and only causes real Mojo to evaporate. This is why the ego’s Mojo feels good at first, but eventually it just makes real Mojo dissolve cause it just ain’t real Mojo, it’s pretend Mojo. Pretending to be high Mojo, when you’re really low Mojo, is just low Mojo posing as something it’s NOT.

Making Mojo low ain’t the way to get Mojo Joy. Giving Mojo is the only way to get it up!

The only way to get Mojo Joy is by jackin’ up somebody else’s Mojo, creating a free-flowing Mojo circuit that naturally multiplies and gives back double what you put in. But be careful. Mojo don’t do well with your low Mojo  “rules” and once you start tellin’ it when and how to rise, it fades fast, cause Mojo that ain’t natural, is just low Mojo.

Low Mojo gets so used to taking Mojo (they don't know any better!) and having their own Mojo drained, that they completely forgot how to jump-start Mojo circuits (as simple as hooking up two car batteries). Whenever an opportunity comes up, they get all scared and start taking Mojo instead of giving it. They hold back Mojo fearing somebody’s gonna swipe it and it just stagnates, eventually dissolving into a stinky low mojo mess.

That’s called Mojo Rigor Mortis.

But then, low Mojo just wanders around always grittin’ and grindin’ over why their Mojo’s so low, when any damn fool could figger it out if he just looked at what he was doing. If he could only give up the ego’s Mojo for the real thing.

Stop protectin’ your Mojo and give it away now. Don’t pretend high Mojo when you’re low, just hook up with high Mojo and start risin.’

I know this lady who’s a Mojo Queen and her's is so incredibly high that everybody wants it. But instead of giving to get, they keep taking and give nothing back. Why can’t they understand that if they just give Mojo, they’re gonna get it right back at ‘em, times ten thousand? But she’s still really high Mojo cause, once you get filled up to a certain level, nobody can drain ya anymore.

That’s called Cosmic Mojo and it’s pretty rare to find someone at that level, but they’re out there.

Maybe you’re one of ‘em?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

The Dream of “You”

Good thing you haven’t been left to your “self” to correct the chaotic bullsheit you make “real.” Now your life is nothing more than constructing ever better fantasies for which to find comfort.

There is really only one way to salvation and that is through the recognition that there is nothing “there.”

Otherwise, “you” will simply repeat the same games over and over again, relying exclusively on the same rules to achieve the same rewards that have never sustained “you.”

But what other choice do you have? The stories and fantasies are always the same (even the story of being a story).

The chief story of egocentricity is "The Fearful Fixation." Look at what you rely on to “save” you, to bring you “happiness.” Nothing lasts and everything fades, but the fear of deprivation quickly grasps for compromise through its pleasurable fixations, which it calls its "saving grace." But a fixation is uncompromising because no matter how many times you fail to succeed, the ego returns once again to repeat the pattern.

Egocentric Enlightenment is composed of nothing more than this: “I would give up everything…except that!”

Thus begins a cascade of fixations all contingent on being “real.” Look deeply into the eyes of every “enlightened master” and discover what they will NEVER sacrifice no matter what. Always a strand, a tiny thread of “reality” holds the ENTIRE edifice firmly in place.

There are parts of your dream you will not surrender, else it will be a “sacrifice” and sacrifice only reinforces the egocentric deprivation that makes up the whole of your dream. Only deprivation dreams of “success” and “failure.” Only deprivation sees a need for “enlightenment.” These are the concepts from which “reality” unfolds before your “eyes."

As you ask, so shall you receive. Time and time again.

Fixation on parts of “reality” reinforce the whole and thus superimpose meaning where none before existed. It MUST be patently meaningless in its entirety, else your meanings will continue to give it life. But why does the meaningless cause you so much fear?

The egocentric self fears the meaningless and cannot exist in a meaningless “world.”  Imagine if nothing meant anything. If a “chair” did not conform to what it has always meant for you? If the “person” you know as “Bill” no longer conformed to your concepts? If your “pleasures” could no longer hold out the promise of meaning what you require?

Could you exist in such a wasteland? What would you fixate on as “real”? How would you respond to perception that only reflected an absence of mental constructs or concepts? What would you “love” and what would you “hate”? What would you ever have to fear if “death” had no conceptual basis in your egocentric thought system? Could you “die,” if death had NO meaning? Could you "live" if there were no "death"? Would you be “alive” if there were no concepts in your mind to represent “living”?

The ego-self will never surrender its conceptual anchor points. Primarily because its concepts define IT. Was there a chair before a concept of a chair? Was there a “chair” before there was an “ego” to interpret it as it was meant to be? The ego-self claims, “of course!” Everything must have existed before it could be perceived, because if the concept made it real then the ego has more power than it could ever admit to and egos must be powerless to remain egocentric.

Egocentricity is contingent on complete powerlessness.

Hence, a powerless “world” conforms to what you interpret your “self” to be and not what the world determines you ARE. You interpret the world as oppositional to you when, in fact, you only oppose your “self.” You hate what you are, but seek a way to “love” yourself and this “loving hatred” is reflected back to you. Everywhere you look you perceive a world of other minds hating what the mind seems to show them, but desperately seeking for a way to love what they fear. This is how you conceptually interpret your “self” and, thus, it stands to reason that you would SEE your world this same way.

The dream unfolds as nothing more than an interpretation on "you."

Artwork by 'gnato - "f f"

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Egocentric Observer is Biased

Why would you think that you can know your ‘self,’ or even parts of the self, simply by self-observation or the use of introspective or meditative techniques?

The observer is biased and will tend to completely miss, or even deny awareness of aspects that cause discomfort.

However, others see what you cannot, because it is through others that you have defined your ‘self.’ We do not define and give meaning to our 'self' alone or in isolation from others, but through engagement with a world of others because 'they' are your world.

In fact, the deeper our engagement with that 'world,' the more 'defined' we become.

The ego-self is entirely other-referencing and is always in the process of defining itself, or 'becoming,' through others and the world. This is particularly true of the relationships that we choose for which to deeply engage with another, because it is through these 'intimate partnerships' that we define our deepest layers of the 'self.' We engage with others to intimately share our 'self' so that the 'self' can evolve.

Yet, why is it that we so frequently fail to create and maintain intimacy in our most significant relationships? Why is it that so many relationships fail to engage the depth between them and either remain hopelessly stuck on the surface or disengage entirely?

Individualized ego goals often impede Deep Spirit intimacy, since they reinforce separation and division resulting in chronic conflict from frequent interpersonal competition. The ego idealizes the love of another, not for how it can reinforce the others self-development, but for what it expects others will do to reinforce its own self-construct (you). The egocentric self-concept is an inner-absorbed belief 'package' whose sole function is self-preservation through pressing itself into and against a world of conflicting opposites. It perceives others as naturally opposing its projects and goals. Nevertheless, the ego believes that completion of its goals and projects will eventually provide fulfillment by firmly asserting it into its experience of a 'world.' Therefore, it picks and chooses significant 'others’ to join with in carrying out its plans of self-actualization. These are the 'loving' relationships or mutual alliances we attribute the most significance and expect will add to our individual self-fulfillment.

Yet, these significant relationships may be stifled and paralyzed by chronic conflict, simply because the embodied egos we choose to join with (in 'love') have self-actualizing goals of their own to give meaning and define their own individual self-defining. They expect you will comply with their plans, while you expect compliance with your own.

Chronic conflict with 'loved ones' is often the most severe, because your ego-self expects to negotiate a world of other egos it has NOT chosen to "love", all perceived as strangers, yet each applying meaning to their lives and often in opposition to you. However, in contrast, you expect that those you have chosen to join with 'in-love' will support your individual egocentric self-actualization and when that is not forthcoming the ego experiences betrayal.

Although the ego expects opposition from the world, it will not easily tolerate opposition from those it chooses to collude with in preserving and actualizing itself. Hence, inherent within all relationships are the conditions of betrayal.

The ego-self wants to experience the fullness of its existence based on what the world teaches it must experience in order to be "happy." Conforming to the world is how the ego-self realizes its existence as significant and not merely a made up fantasy of the mind's imagination. It must build and develop itself for fear of being swallowed up and nullified by the world it experiences as outside and separate from it. Therefore, the ego adopts projects and goals that the world teaches will result in an actualized 'self' and, as the world teaches, an actualized self is a "happy" self.

Intimate relationships are considered important, but subsidiary and subordinate to individual egoic actualization. This makes them reversible with substitutes easily available.

The problem is that most of the projects we engage in to achieve this ever allusive "happiness" are projects that promote egocentric self-absorption and reduce the importance of relationship as primary means to self-actualization. Intimate relationships are downsized and minimized as the means of self-realization and they can easily be discarded and tossed aside and substitute participants elected to ally with.

We can collude with another in achieving ego goals, however, they too seek egoic self-actualization in agreement with the world's definition of a self-actualized 'individual.' These egocentric pursuits, although not detrimental from an individual standpoint, are the antithesis of Deep Spirit intimacy in the creation and discovery of the deeper motives that join individuals. When ego goals of self actualization dominate the mind, relationships must suffer and often may expire simply for lack of attention.

Egocentric self-actualization that supersedes or takes priority over Deep Spirit intimacy, creates tension and conflict between loved ones who feel betrayed by one another. The 'chosen one' was not supposed to become a stranger in opposition but, instead, an ally in the self actualization and egocentric search for "happiness." But the allegiance was lost and now, instead of sharing your 'self' in the desire to self-actualize through union, you withhold your 'self' and gradually begin to hold the other in contempt as they also withhold from you.

Eventually the ego will experience increased anxiety in relation to the chronic stress of this constant withholding, or stifled extension, since our Deep Spirit inclination is to naturally extend to others. This anxiety will only increase, particularly if the ego's demand for control in asserting itself against the other is consistently thwarted by the significant others own self-assertion. No matter how hard you try to control external circumstances, another ego is thwarting your efforts in their attempt at control. These are the daily "control dramas" that are played out in millions of "loving" relationships, so much so, that it is often 'normalized' as typical of all intimate relationships.

When separation-anxiety increases to a boiling point, the ego then avoids conflict altogether by slowly disengaging from the relationship. Now there are only bodies in proximity, providing only surface communication in the performance of routine, superficial menial tasks, while the self is locked away in avoidance of seeking any depth. Adverse alienation sets in and we find we can no longer collaborate on even the smallest things. Eventually, the pattern becomes rigidly predictable, with no 'surprise' in the interactions, as engagement gradually becomes monotonous and mundane.

Yet, we will not disengage from our individual self-actualizing pursuits and in fact, the ego intensifies its efforts in the direction of individualized self-actualization, since the relationship no longer holds out the promise of "happiness."

Eventually, the ego may cut itself off completely from what it sees as the source of its betrayal, resulting in physical separation and eventually the severing of all ties.The ego then seeks out another for which to collude in its individual plans of self-actualization. It has no desire to realize its role in the circular nature of the conflict and denies the fact that it's as guilty as the one it blames. Therefore, it will reconstruct the same patterns of conflict in every relationship it engages with in the future.

Yet, if it can come to realize its role in the pattern of betrayal, it can then gradually begin to alter its perspective enough to engage the other toward resolution. Resolution is always assured through increased understanding, because seeking to deeply understand another is to automatically correspond with Deep Spirit. When you correspond with Deep Spirit, the ego recedes in silence, thereby ending its incessant chatter originating from its need to control reality (others). Now both can listen deeply to one another, easily redirecting patterns to allow an intimate center through which communication can naturally occur.

It only takes one to extend from this Deep Spirit, because such extension has the miraculous tendency to evoke the same extension from others and this is because it is as natural as breathing. Yet, we have lost touch with this deep inner nature, because we have become hypnotized by what society teaches will lead to fulfillment and self-actualization, rather than the intimacy with another we know will energize and bring joy into our lives. Joy is only available when shared.

To extend from Deep Spirit is the path to dissolving alienation. This is because you are no longer strangers to one another and embark in the infinite process of intimate awakening together.

To remain strangers is to give up all hope of understanding and thus, all hope of love. To correspond from Deep Spirit 'within' is to find yourself through engaging to deeply understand another. It is the spiritual ground of all relationships and, although few ever reach that level, the path is available to everyone.

Artwork by Kelly Hutchison - "The Secret Ingredient"

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Is Your Mojo Risin’? (part 1 of infinite)

Describing Mojo is a bit tricky, so you best just experience it for yourself. But if I had to I'd say that it's like the Deep Spirit life force that pervades your deepest core and is progressively absent egocentric bullsheit. Other than that, your guess is as good as mine.

But ya know it when it moves ya…when it touches your core, you can't help but feel it.

But you can’t see Mojo, only it’s effects. It ebbs and flows with emotion fueled by belief. Think of it like electrical current. The circuit can be shut off and even dumbed down or it can be jolted with ever increasing amounts of Mojo. Hence, some beliefs increase Mojo, while others decrease it.

Your world is a product of Mojo.

But Mojo can also be victim to the world. The trick is to keep the Mojo risin’ no matter what’s happenin' outside Mojo. No matter what fool is dumpin' on yo Mojo, you just a keep on a' gogo (old Mojo saying).

Like, I paid $450 for car repairs today. Damn Mojo Dumped on me. But then, I said, “fook it man!” and Mojo risin’ again. Talked to an interesting beauty today…Mojo risin!

And once Mojo rises, you can't fight the urge to share it, which only jacks it up more. In fact, Mojo really rises, only when shared.

Mojo rises real high when circuits couple up, forming completely new and more powerful Mojo. Mojo circuits create the world you experience (and you thought it was God? Ha!).

There is never NO Mojo. There is only high and low Mojo. 

Mojo at its highest is completely free of all FEAR. High Mojo plays infinitely in a finite world. High Mojo is virtually unstoppable.

It seems that sometimes low Mojo has to pass through the rings of fire to get to the high Mojo center. This isn’t necessary, but low Mojo just thinks it is. Low Mojo thinks up all kinds of things to make sense of low Mojo, when low Mojo can NEVER make no sense at all. Some live with low Mojo for so long that they know nothin’ but low Mojo.

It’s easy to get Mojo risin.’ 

There is no good or bad Mojo. Only high and low Mojo. Low Mojo desperately wants to be higher, since it is the nature of Mojo…

…to RISE (as high as Mojo can go)

Is your Mojo…risin’?

The best way to get Mojo risin’ is to find a high Mojo Circuit and join in. However, those who deny their Mojo tend to unconsciously stifle it and that may interfere with your own Mojo (especially if you're already low Mojo).

Yet again, those who have high Mojo tend to fire-up low Mojo and that can be a thrilling experience indeed… when Mojo’s join and magnify each other. I was at a Mojo Gathering once and all these high Mojo's were dancin' around and jetting out Mojo Joy all over the place.

Mojo can be affected by a lot of egocentric bullsheit. Like...on my way to work yesterday I felt my Mojo droppin, but then realized I was dumping on my own Mojo through stoopid beliefs about work. Suddenly, the Mojo started risin’ up again. Sometimes all ya gotta do is think in terms of Mojo, and up it goes naturally. Ha! Go figger...

But as soon as you fixate on dumb sheit, down goes Mojo. Unfortunately, most things that egos fixate on are pretty dumb and result in Mojo dropping and staying low. Like money....real low Mojo in that sheit.

Low Mojo is always wanting to rise, but because of the fear associated with low Mojo, this is hard for some.

Low Mojo is always high FEAR.

Hitler was really low Mojo. Probably the lowest Mojo ever experienced. Mojo can drop to a point where risin’ seems damn near impossible. Mojo that low can be destructive and some say it's “evil.” But there ain’t none such thing as evil, only really low Mojo. But even really low Mojo can rise, if it has a hankerin’ to. But this usually requires alot of high Mojo mixed in. When you get a lot of high Mojo all together in the same place, the desire of low Mojo to connect is irresistible. See if ya don't want to! Ha!

Poor Obama’s Mojo took a nosedive, but he had high Mojo. Whadefook happenin’ to the dudes Mojo??? He was raisin’ everybody’s Mojo. Why’d he go and disconnect from the circuits? Hope he gets it back up there.

High Mojo is always associated with deep peace and wild experiences of Mojo Joy. Mojo Joy is infused with unbelievable high levels of Mojo and is essentially fearless. However, high Mojo don’t run around pontificating on itself and tellin' how high it is.

High Mojo just calmly and peacefully takes over the world.

Some peeps fear their own Mojo and this causes them to get nervous around the high Mojo of others. Or sometimes, when you’re in high Mojo, you find yourself avoiding somebody’s low Mojo. This tends to reduce your high Mojo cause you ain’t merging it with other Mojo circuits. Mojo can't stay up high on its own, because it only rises really high through merging with other circuits. But Mojo should NEVER be contingent on what’s happening in the world. That’s just low Mojo and low Mojo can be contagious. But not as much as high Mojo.

High Mojo is like God.

I like tellin’ folks when they’re raisin’ my Mojo. I say, "Dang, Jojo, you makin' my Mojo a'gogo!" Then again, I don’t mind letting ‘em know when they’re bringin’ my Mojo down. I say “Yo, leggo my Mojo…mofo!” But usually I’m just trying to get up their Mojo, cause these days its hard for anyone or anything to dump on my Mojo, but easy for 'em to bring it up. It’s usually up there and if it dumps, well, I jack it back up right quick, cause who wants to go through a whole day with low Mojo??

The highest level of Mojo is often called "Christ Consciousness" or "Buddha Mind." But then, giving Mojo another name is just low Mojo.

Infinite Mojo is simply the realization that Mojo can keep risin' and there ain’t NO end to how high the Mojo can go. 

When you reach that high level of Mojo the world tends to recede or even disappear. It ain’t actually gone, you just ain’t aware of it no more (since who needs a finite world when you’re in Infinite Mojo, yo!). But you do wind up bringing others with ya, cause Mojo can only rise so far on its own. High Mojo always needs more and more Mojo.

Infinite Mojo only wants to show low Mojo how to rise up. It tries to join with low Mojo, but low Mojo keeps on breaking the circuit cause of dumb sheit (like low Mojo "money"). Low Mojo is as addictive as high Mojo. But who wants to be addicted to low Mojo?

Low Mojo’s sometimes winds up worshiping the highest Mojo, failin' to see that it could get that high if it wanted to. Yet, what usually seems to happen is that low Mojo winds up making a religion out of Infinite Mojo and that only keeps Mojo low for a long time.

Centuries even…

Artwork by Yue Minjun - "Between Men and Animal"

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Climb Aboard the Dream Weaver Train

The ego-self, or that abstract package of beliefs you identify with as your “self,'” idolizes its symbolic world as “real,” but fails to recognize that a symbolic “reality” is only conceptual.

You do not see a “world,’ but merely organize concepts (Kantian-like) or weave together a symbolic tapestry as a means of making sense of what, otherwise, would be an amalgamation of complete absurdity.

What you see in your “world” are symbolic representations of reality firmly entrenched in your mind prior to “perception” (concept). But you have little doubt that the symbols in your mind reflect FACTS and this is how you organize the symbols into a “reality.”

Unfortunately, you’re not so sure your mind is a FACT, but you do accept that it symbolizes “you.” Nevertheless, you do experience concepts and many arguments have been made that the mind is all you experience, but only through symbolic concepts.

An ego-self does not really see a tree, but only a symbolic conceptualization of a “tree” and, in that concept, the “tree” is only what the concept requires and NOT what it is in truth. “You” (concept) could never know what it means in TRUTH, because all egocentricity ever “knows” are its own concepts and concepts can only symbolize what is TRUE. They can never actually be TRUE simply because they are symbolic facsimiles of what you believe MUST be “true” and what you wish to be “true” today is always contingent on what WAS true yesterday.

A facsimile may look and feel like the original, but you know it’s only a copy and, if you look close, you’ll see all the tiny imperfections that demonstrate its inauthenticity.

An egocentric self-concept does NOT see a world, but sees its symbolic representations of a “world,” or a facsimile of a “world",” in the form of conceptual constructs within its own inner-experience of an individual MIND. “You” do not live in a realistic world, but in a world of concepts which serve to symbolize a ‘reality’ that you believe is FACTUAL.

Egocentricity demands Facticity in order to actualize an existence as “real.” Facticity is the superimposing of specific separate parameters to enhance belief.

Yet, concepts are bland beliefs without emotion. But “emotion” is also a concept, since it too is experienced in the mind and an egocentric mind only experiences concepts. Nevertheless, your concept of a “tree” may do little to stimulate any further conceptual dream weaving. While the concept of “money” may stimulate ever increasing conceptual configurations that egocentricity considers “real.”

The non-dualist idea that there is “nothing there” merely emphasizes the fact that concepts are only symbolic. If they are only symbolic then how can they affect you? But this is completely opposite what you experience. You experience a “world” for which you have NO doubt of its reality and are victimized by that “reality” on a daily basis.

Hence, the only difference between real and facsimile is your own victimization, because no one would fall victim to a facsimile in knowing it is not authentic or genuine. 

However, if an ego-self is nothing more than a package of beliefs and those beliefs are conceptual symbols representing reality, then the ‘self’ you idolize as real is nothing but a well packaged aggregate of symbolic representations. Hence, there is nothing REAL about “you” and what is NOT real can only make lame attempts at representing the REAL.

Is the body “real”? Certainly, as you conceptualize it, it does seem authentic. But the self-concept of “you” cannot know the body free and clear of concepts and, therefore, what you experience as “body” is inauthentic and disingenuous.

Is there a difference between the image of a blue sky and thinking the thought “the sky is blue”? Is the thinking that is composed of words different from the thoughts composed of images? Could they be made of the same stuff and, if so, who made them? Even though both thoughts and images are experienced in your mind, you believe the thoughts are yours, while the images belong to the world. Hence, your thoughts are minimized as less important and even false, in comparison to the images, having little to no power to alter your experience because you have determined that your concept of a “body” is the only concept that can provide accurate representations of your world. Clearly, the concept of a “self” is minimized next to the concept of body. Hence, the ‘self’ can be full of doubts, but never regarding your concept of “body.”

But are they not both experienced in the mind? Do you experience a blue sky outside your mind? How could you, when ALL experience is IN and OF the mind? Could it be that the blue sky is nothing more than a symbolic representation of what may not be “there” after all?

Ah, but your egocentricity assures you that it MUST be there, because if it’s NOT really there at all, what does this say about “you.” If it’s NOT “there,” then “where” are you?

Everything an egocentric self-concept experiences MUST be experienced to insure the reality of that ego-self.

Clearly, you live your entire “life” (concept) counting on the images (concepts) to give you truth, but doubt your own thoughts. Your mind is inconsequential to the grand order that you have strung together with concepts. Your conceptual weaving of a “reality” is the only thing occurs from moment to moment and never to you question whether or not the concepts accurately represent reality. You just weave your concepts together because they must fit together adequately. If even one concept is determined to be illusional, then the whole foundation must crash of its own fraudulence.

Is it any wonder you’re so damned exhausted all the time?

Yet, be prepared for the day when you finally come to doubt even the images you have always experienced as “real,” because…

as the world fades away…

…so must “you.”

But fear not!

“You” were never really “there” in the first place.

I've just closed my eyes again
Climbed aboard the dream weaver train
Driver take away my worries of today
And leave tomorrow behind

Ooh dream weaver
I believe you can get me through the night
Ooh dream weaver
I believe we can reach the morning light
Fly me high through the starry skies
Maybe to an astral plane
Cross the highways of fantasy
Help me to forget today's pain

Though the dawn may be coming soon
There still may be some time
Fly me away to the bright side of the moon
And meet me on the other side

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Daily Chaotic Guilt of Egocentricity

The ego-self, or that which you call “I,” is a battleground of opposing beliefs, held together by the tiniest most imperceptible strand of guilt. In fact,”your”  life is an exhaustive struggle to make sense of your ‘self’ on a daily basis. Every morning you awake to the relentless job of arranging your beliefs to avoid crumbling into complete nonsense.

Are “you” a body or a mind? Good or bad, right or wrong? Hopeful or discouraged, aware or ignorant, happy or depressed?

From this unstable and inconsistent framework you perceive and make sense of your world. From this filter of chaos you make decisions that symbolize what you believe “you” are.

“You” believe one thing at one time, only to change course at other times and then back again. Often you believe you must DO what you DO NOT want to do, while NOT DOING what you want or DOING what you want when you know you shouldn’t, but NOT DOING what you should because you DON”T want to.

Sometimes you don’t even know what to ‘believe,’ but pick something because you believe one should believe something, like everyone else does, and that can change from moment to moment. You often believe you should lead, while other times you get pissed because your leader doesn’t lead the way you believe they should.

There are things you desire that you believe are “wrong” and things you reject that you believe are “right” (but only at certain times and depending on your mood). Your belief that one should work hard for a living competes with your dread of the daily mind-numbing grind and "you" resent that your "existence" requires this. You always want more money, but rage against the greed on Wall Street. You believe you should be there for your family, but hate when they get in the way of things you want for yourself, but then feel guilty for being selfish and hate them for that guilt. You believe you should have access to good healthcare, but sometimes smoke, drink to excess and eat crappy foods because you believe it feels good and sometimes you believe that “feeling good” is more important than anything. You believe you should be happy with what you have, but really wish you had your neighbor’s Hummer. You love your spouse, but wish he/she lost weight, then you’d really love him/her, except when he/she pisses you off, which you recognize is sometimes only his/her reaction to the stupid things you do, but find it easier to blame him/her and so continue to do so. You know you should not commit adultery, but would if your coworker wanted to, but hope he/she won’t, even though you’d be thrilled if he/she did want to, so hope he/she might, which you know probably won’t happen so you try not to think about it but sometimes can’t help it. You definitely do NOT believe in “murder,” but feel we should nuke the Iranians and then the North Koreans and if your neighbor’s dog sheits on your lawn again you claim you’d shoot his dog and him. You don’t believe in lying, except on your taxes and to your spouse (if you slept with your coworker). You tell yourself that you "love" your mother, but think she can be a real pain in the ass and still blame her for your “issues," which you blame for all the times you feel like a big sheit as opposed to the times you really love your 'self.'

Your egocentric self-concept struggles mightily on a daily basis to keep it all strung together and in some semblance of order. But sometimes this attempt at maintaining order crumbles and “you” do something completely irrational and absurd, only to experience the guilt of your “wrongness,” demanding you impose stricter order on your thinking (until the next time you blow it).

Human nature is essentially irrational and absurd because it is essentially egocentric and egocentricity is extremely difficult to maintain in any precise order or balance. But you work very hard at it nonetheless. You take care of your body, meditate regularly, try to be nice to people, eat healthy and manage your anger. Until the moment of irrationality when you toss it all to the four winds, telling yourself some rational sounding story to justify what you will later recognize as complete idiocy.

But not to worry, egocentric guilt grinds you right back down into your ‘self’ rather quickly and it is actually guilt that provides an illusion of order and the appearance of holding all the tenuous strands of your egocentric self-concept together. Without guilt you’d completely unravel into total absurdity and nothing would make any sense. 

Naturally, and as every “Christian” will tell you, with guilt must come punishment, otherwise, what use for guilt? Hence, the claim “nobody can hurt you like yourself” or “you are your own worst enemy” is completely true, but only because of your own personal egocentric guilt, which you need but feel guilty for needing.

Indeed, the guilt that troubles you the most is not the guilt for what you do or do not do or have done or have not done, but the guilt for what you have THOUGHT. This is the guilt that nobody sees, but that you often believe, if others could see, you would be known as the vile and evil creature that you often believe you are.

All this merely illustrates the suffering that is the nature of egocentricity and that, without it, one could not be an ego-self. You have invested your egocentricity with the modus operandi of experiencing an “existence” and from that prime objective your ego will do anything to achieve that objective, even if it means attacking YOU because of the guilt IT manufactures and makes "real."

Make no mistake, you gave it all its power and absolute power corrupts absolutely. 

One day, however, you may wish to take that power back. You can do that easily if only you would recognize that you granted it in the first place.

Maybe "you" should stop trying to keep it all together and be okay with the chaos rather than feel guilty about it? This will tend to dissolve the guilt that acts as glue and provides an illusion of self-coherence. However, surrendering your need to arrange and order your chaotic egocentric self-concept might seem like a sacrifice, but only to the ego and not to YOU.

However, the ego-self you currently refer to as “you” will attack you viciously for not following instructions. It will berate and condemn you with all its might.

But I would just ignore all that or, at the least, fail to take it too seriously, because egocentric guilt is serious business ONLY to an ego-self.

Once the ego is ignored, it’ll most likely stop bothering you.

Egos need to feel special…

…otherwise, they tend to shrivel up and die.

Artwork by Barry Godber - "21st Century Schizoid Man"

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Individual Truth is an Oxymoron

Do you believe you will transcend your egocentricity through means established by your egocentricity?

Do you really believe you can do it all on your lonesome? That “you” can seek out the right path and the perfect teacher? That “you” will one day claim truth for your…”self”? That “you” can and will achieve your own personal and individual “enlightenment”? That you can “awaken” to absolute truth as an individual?

Is this not the epitome of egocentric arrogance? Does this not completely and totally accentuate and symbolize separation and division? What unified oneness, what non-dual perspective, can an “individual” ever achieve?

The premise instantly negates the conclusion.

An “individual” claiming truth is an oxymoron.

The individual endeavor, to be rewarded for finding absolute truth just for “you,” smacks of total and complete hypocrisy.

But then…not to an ego…ha!

But what are “you” moving to and why? What is it you really wish to “transcend”? Why else would an ego-self choose to go it alone, if not for its deep distrust of THEM? And when you achieve your coveted “awakening,” how will THEY look to you? Closely examine every modern “enlightened master” and, contrary to the claim of “enlightenment,” the distrust is always there, based on seeing INEQUALITY.

Centuries of egocentric translation of the Great Wisdom Texts has channeled the truth to conform to egocentricity and now “you” accept it as incontrovertible FACT. But why shouldn’t you? Look at all the sheit you have to put up with, your entire life, from other people.

Make no mistake,  TRUTH alters ALL objects of consciousness and makes them completely… EQUAL… in every aspect imaginable.

An ego cannot transcend itself, just as a snake cannot eat its own tail.
Nevertheless, “you” continue to persevere in your egocentric desire for the individual rewards promised.

But who or what interpreted those promises? Who or what found them desirable in the first place? Who or what picked the vehicle and who or what set out on the chosen path? Who or what went in and who or what will come out?

Why…”you,” of course. An “individual” claiming truth. The egocentric YOU. Possibly a little calmer, a little wiser and maybe even a bit more arrogantly egocentric. But hey, you’re “awakened” and a little arrogance is part of the GAME.

So go ahead, close your eyes and ears in years of meditative tranquility and when you open them, if INEQUALITY stares you in the face…best you close your eyes again because TRUTH is not yet available to “you.”

“When the two shall become one”… has passed you by. Drat, foiled again!

Well, maybe it’s time for a change? Maybe your awakening lies with THEM? Maybe you really can’t do it alone? Maybe you need help?

“No!” exclaims the frightened ego, “they cannot be trusted. Look what they’ve done to you!”

It is NOT the world you seek to transcend… but THEM.

THEY are your world.

Your suffering is ENTIRELY bound up with the egos that populate your world. Although you like to think that you “love” them, primarily it is FEAR that determines your interactions and the limits of your “love.” Self-protecting, self-preserving, self-actualizing…FEAR. All your anxieties, all your depression, all your disappointments, worry, anger, guilt, etc, etc, etc is directly associated with THEM. Look closely at every problem that dogs you these days and recognize it's some “other” who impedes what you desire, what you demand.

You could have anything you wanted…

…if not for THEM.

You believe THEY are wrong and “transcendence” will make it better. You do not fear no-self, you fear other selves.

The government, the Illuminati, the police, your boss, your coworkers, your kids, your mother, your spouse, your neighbor, Aunt Ginny, Uncle Joe, angry people, inconsiderate people, greedy people…

…but not your dog! Fido is pure, just as nature is innocent. But the rest of THEM? Not to be trusted. THEY are clearly guilty.

There would be no need for transcendence if only THEY could be trusted. The world would be such a wonderful place if not for THEM. You could be “happy,” if not for THEM. Peace would be a reality, if not for THEM.

If that is true, then there can be little doubt that your “awakening” to truth lies entirely with THEM. Because the only FEAR you need overcome, to achieve the deep and abiding peace of TRUTH, is your fear of THEM.

The hardest path to follow is the one you fear the most. But the best path to follow is the one that faces fear head on.

THEY are your TRUTH and your SALVATION.

Fully engage THEM completely without FEAR…

…and awaken.

Artwork by Michael Hussar - "Stigmata"

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Collapse of Egocentric Time

Although the egocentric ‘self’ demands the measuring and charting of "time," it is only an experience. “You," or that conceptual abstraction you identify as "I," are consistently seeking to evolve, improve, develop and self-actualize within the parameters of time, in the belief that such evolution (mind/spirit) must take “time. This is a chronological, horizontally, linear perspective that demands “time” be involved in everything you do to self-actualize as an existing egocentric individual.

However, since time is only an experience, is there a way to collapse time?
“Education” is egocentrically contingent on time. But is there a way to collapse time and thus evolve rapidly through spurts of timelessness? Is time really needed for an evolving mind or does the mind rapidly accelerate evolution through experiences outside or absent time? Experiences that relieve the mind of experiencing time altogether?

You can certainly recollect experiences in which time seemed to drag on interminably. While you can also recall experiences when time seemed to speed up and hours felt like mere minutes. Hence, it does seem that experientially there is the potential to play with time since, although we measure time objectively for egocentric actualizing and development, subjectively it is pure experience and nothing more.

Is there a perspective the ego-self could adopt that tends to collapse the experience of time? Or does the ego-self need to markedly recede from the mind in order for time to be experienced as collapsed or absent?

Is the learning that comes from 'timelessness' more valuable to the mind then that which is learned IN time, through the victimization to time?

There does seem to be some evidence of the possibility that two egos might have the capacity to collapse the experience of time, make time recede, cause time to essentially…disappear.

Consider your past “love” experiences and the egocentric dissolution in moments of self-abandonment which occurred initially.  The full engagement of each ‘self’ as merged with, and deeply into another. Those brief moments when self-awareness seemed to recede as other-awareness impeded the self-protective and self-preserving capacities of egocentric individualism and “personal” self-actualization.

This is much too prevalent an experience to pass off as merely a type of infatuation psychosis completely contingent on bodily drives, desires and lusts (although the actions of two “lovers” clearly indicates such to outside observers). Although, for centuries, songs and books have been written paying homage to this brief episode of “romantic” self-dissolution, the same loss of self from non-obligatory relationships is apparent in many obligatory parent/child relationships (especially when the child has not yet fully developed an egocentric perspective to oppose and compete with other egos). Time-collapse experiences are evident in mother-child attachments in which one ego collapses time by merging with the undeveloped self of the child.

The ego-self learns nothing from such experiences, because the experience is purely timeless and the ego-self is an inherently time-bound abstraction, requiring time for which to self-actualize or “exist.” However, there is always a recollection of the experience of collapsed time, but that memory does not fit egocentric paradigms and is later interpreted as fantasy or delusional. Nevertheless, the desire to join and unify is a superconscious (beyond conscious thought) directive that even the machinations of the ego cannot resist, causing us ALL to long for it once again.

Because the ego-self is entirely victim to time, it would have little conscious inclination or desire to collapse what it requires in order to know it 'exists' and is indeed, a ‘self IN time. Hence, after an experience of collapsed time, the return to egocentricity is often quite aggressive, as the ego-self rises back up to honor its time-bound commitment to reality control, which includes the subconscious directive of controlling others. The ego-self must return to judge conditions optimal for its continued press into its world, since this has always been its prime directive.

Nevertheless, we forever long for this experience of egocentric regression and freedom from time. We pine for the “love” we once experienced in the egoless embrace in which time was experienced as absent. An experience in which the conditions egocentrically imposed, as means of controlling your personal reality, seem to miraculously disappear, if only for a brief time.

You may rigidly adhere to your spiritual practices for a lifetime and never experience the absence of egocentric time that such a collapse perpetuates.This is because it relies on engagement with another and that engagement must be left completely uncontrolled by egocentric needs. Millions leave long-term relationships in the belief that they have once again found “The One” for which to lose themselves and experience the collapse of egocentric time.

Alas, this is clearly antithetical to the ego-self’s primary commitment to reality control and many move serially from relationship to relationship in the hope of one day experiencing the collapse of time and the end of victimization to the experience of time.

Can we blame them that they are driven by a force beyond their egocentric comprehension and control?
Yet, the problem is always how to maintain the collapse when it is spontaneously experienced with, and through, another. How to resist the ego’s press for return and the eventual imposition of conditions as time is again re-experienced.  How to perpetuate the unconditional within the timeless.

Can two or more apply a method for harnessing collapsed time?

Possibly for another essay to be posted…

…in “time.”

Artwork by Jacek Yerka - "Nauka Chodzenia"

Friday, September 23, 2011

“You”… are Slowly, but Surely….Unraveling

The fear is rising in crescendo.

Things are slowly unraveling.

Watch how the ego-self struggles to maintain its structure. It will fight to hold onto the self-construct, demanding that the avenues of self-actualization remain OPEN.

Yet soon, it will be abundantly clear that the ego-games of "life" no longer sustain, no longer fulfill... can no longer be counted on for your egocentric identity.

The infinite player is prepared, while the finite player may be in for a powerful dose of suffering from failure to self-actualize through what it "knows" as "real" and "true."

Egocentric identification is always maintained through engaging the ego-games the world provides. Playing by the rules, "you" seek to accumulate ‘rewards and this is how you know your “self.” This is how existence is experienced. You engage in the games of the world in order to achieve the outcomes from which you will weave the story of “you.”

Yet, when the ego-games can no longer be sustained and when identification can no longer be achieved through the games, how will you play? What rules will you follow?Who will you be? How will you know your existence? What will become of the STORY of “you”? In what way will you engage your ‘self’ and others?

When money, career, ownership, possessions etc, etc, NO longer work as a means of identification, what will you turn to as means of defining your life and your self?

Will you turn to drugs and alcohol to anesthetize you hopelessness, your disillusionment, your suffering? What games will be played when the rules NO longer protect you? Will you turn to God (found mostly in foxholes and prison cells) to alleviate your helplessness?

Or will you deeply and fully engage those around you as a means of knowing your 'self'? Will you dump your dogmatic bullsheit or clasp ever more tightly to the objects of your crumbling self-concept?

The finite player has always weaved his/her ego-self fabric from the cloth provided. He/She weaves no unique or genuine garments, not provided from the world. Hence, interwoven deep within that fabric is always a pervasive sense of fear in the realization that the fabric is held together by invisible thread and thus…

…not held together at all and ready to unravel at any moment.

That moment is approaching.

Yet, the infinite player, of life’s ego-games, is not deluded by the static nature of his or her self. They are aware of the fragile strands of a fabric weaved out of nothingness. They are not victimized by the ego-self’s inherent vulnerability and experience invulnerability in every game they play.

The infinite player will NOT suffer through the loss of self-identity because they have been playing with loss for many years. They have been constructing and deconstructing all along. They have become experts of egocentric dissociation and de-realization. They have taken the time to unravel the egocentric threads, only to sew it back up... and unravel it again.

Hence, although the ego-centered fear is growing for you and I…

…they have NO fear. They have been there, done that.

Their egocentric identity may seem as intact and impermeable as the self-structure of our own identities. They seem just like you or I. Yet, the infinite player has expertly conditioned him/her self to fully experience self-dissolution and non-attachment. They have invoked the disassembly and deeply and fully engaged the nothingness from which the self-identity is woven.

They see what it’s ALL made of….

So when your self-development methods NO longer work wonders in the recognition of the futility of egocentric development. When your self-actualizing needs turn to basic survival issues, when all the strands of your identity have been torn loose from their threads, leaving tattered patches all balled up on the filthy tiled floor of life…

….there will be an infinite player around to show you…

…how fooking hilarious it’s ALL been from the very start.

And you may again remember to laugh.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Accidental Guru

The Great Spiritual Guru is historically renowned for bringing up your sheit. Making you LOOK at yourself, exposing your delusions. Why else would you seek him out?

And while you were busy seeking your Great Guru, accidental gurus were all around you.

How many did you encounter today?

Or did you miss them and, thus, fail to retain the teachings?

Per accidental guru looked at you on the elevator and one slightly bumped you in line at McDonalds (with a quiet “sorry” that you barely heard). One loudly beeped his horn at you, while another let you pass. Yesterday, one made you angry and last week one made you laugh. Last month one made you cry and last year one hurt you real bad. There were others that made you leap with joy and some you just couldn’t get enough of and some you just can't stand.

Some are happy and some are sad. Some are vain and some are humble.

But not one of them…

… is sacred.

Let’s face it, you know a “Master Teacher” when you see one!

With an accidental guru, you just never know...

Hence, you pay them little heed, as you return to your sutra’s and scriptures, mindfully repeating your “OM.”

Because you know what to look for, you will seek and find your Master Teacher and he will always meet your expectations. If not, you'll just seek out another, until you can finally make your bow.

But you will never bow to the accidental guru, because you never know they're there. They will never meet your expectations, so don’t bother looking.

Yet, make no mistake, they will FIND YOU.

They never fail.

It’s inexplicable how they always seem to be there to teach you what you need right when you need it. Although, most likely, you’ll claim the timing was bad and miss the point altogether. Then you’ll angrily demand the accidental guru find a “Master Teacher” like yours.

You can’t prepare for what the accidental guru teaches. But you can always be prepared to learn. Unless, of course, it is the Great Spiritual Guru you seek. In that case, you’ll learn nothing by accident and everything on purpose.

Probably not the best way to learn…

…that YOU are an accidental guru.

Artwork by Mark Ryden - "The Apology"

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Love is an Infinite Feedback Loop

Love is a feedback loop that when extended, only comes back around to the mind extending, even when receipt of that extension is denied by the love object you are extending to.

This loop originates with extension TO another, but is not conditioned on extension FROM another.

To know love you must extend love, yet it makes no difference if love is extended back from another. In this way, one can BE love and this BEING is not conditioned on anything other than that BEING.

Nevertheless, according to your ego (the conditioned and socially trained part of your mind), for love to be experienced, all extension, or giving, must be conditioned on ‘getting’ in return. Therefore, your extension TO another is specifically conditioned on their extension TO you. If a return is not forthcoming, based on your extension, your egoic mind will purposely obstruct or even fully terminate the loop that originates from your mind.

Love requires extension to another in order to be experienced, but it is not contingent on another returning it. Mother Teresa was steeped in love for the sick and suffering in her care. Yet, the extent of their sickness may have made it impossible for a return extension. Nevertheless, her love to them magnified love within her experience of self and the loop was completed, and maintained, like an unbroken electrical circuit.

Love magnifies YOU and this magnification is contingent on nothing but extension. This is because the only way to experience love is to extend it.

Of course, you need not be a Mother Teresa, sacrificing your life for the sick, to experience such magnification within your own experience of “self.’ However, there must be another for which to extend. Those we extend to are often family or loved ones of our choosing. Unfortunately, the ego chooses primarily for what it can ‘get’ and less by what it can give. This impedes the feedback loop that is not contingent on receiving anything at all.

Christ Consciousness is an extended infinite feedback loop. It requires nothing in return because it is always returns back to itself.

A feedback loop in the extension of love can have no interference for the impulses you send out to return to you in a magnified form. Love conditioned as contingent on return impulses from another only impedes what you extend from returning to you. Love is a state of mind and, although physical manifestations are available for observation, unconditioned love is an enlightened state of mind available to all minds.

Love is the nature of Being and extension is our natural predisposition. Demanding extension be contingent on return will cause the loop to eventually contract in upon itself. Many live their entire lives in the experience of a contracted and obstructed feedback loop and never experience the love that serves to magnify life itself.

The difference between this feedback loop and other forms of feedback is that your experience of love is contingent on the impulse you send out being returned in a magnified form, but that magnification requires nothing from anyone else and your only focus is extension. Therefore, you cannot obstruct this extension of mind through imposing conditions on that extension.

This requires a sense of ‘self’ in which your security is not contingent on a return of extended love. In this sense, your giving love to another is free and clear of the egocentric imposition of any factors whatsoever. Love is not a dependent state and must be free of conditional dependencies that your ego defines.

Surprisingly, (and many have experienced this), what actually takes place through this feedback loop is that, because there is no dependency on a return extension, that return naturally occurs.

When the loved one you extend to experiences that you have no demand for the extension to be returned, the natural predisposition is to extend as well. To experience diminished egoic involvement in extending love is to be inspired through it, and touched by it, instilling a desire to replicate the experience for oneself.

If you extend to me and all my hatred of you does little to impede or terminate that extension, I can only marvel and seek to emulate the experience I reckon you must have encountered. This is because deep down I know this experience and have wanted, longed for it, all my life. We all long for the freedom of extension that makes no demands and requires NOTHING. This is a condition of our Being, but is actually NOT a condition at all, but freedom.

In a spiritual sense, there is only one way to experience your Being, free and unfettered from egocentric attachment, and that is through the extension of your Being (which tends to be defined as "love") to another, with no condition on whether this is returned or not.

This is the nature of your existence. But a more important point relates to the magnification of the experience of love. This magnification within the feedback loop is infinite. Therefore, increase will continue to occur as much and as far as the mind will allow, based on increasingly diminished conditions. Thus, if another agrees to join the loop you have extended, this serves as an addition to the wholeness you magnify through your own mindful extension and magnifies them in their mind as extension is mutually engaged together.

Non-egoic love is always an increase to 'self' (minus conditions) regardless of who does or does not participate. Yet, make no mistake, participation is naturally compelled in the minds of those so touched by the experience you model through your own secure feedback loop. Take away egocentric impositions and the circuit cannot be broken.

See for yourself.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

There's Always a Guide at the Border

The ego will take you to the border, but it can't cross.

Because it thought that even this was just another distraction.

But now the realization that none of it matters, that none of it ever mattered, is like a prizefighter shot to the gut. Some never recover and remain at the border, refusing to accept the guide.

They plummet into abject, utter loneliness and howl at nothing.

Very few ever cross over to the other side. But, once at the border, there is no turning back. There’s nothing to go back to once you get to the border.

There is a guide waiting. There's always a guide at the border. You just need to reach out, while letting go.

Fear of sacrifice keeps you at the border. Hold to one tiny strand and you'll remain there. Some have been there a lifetime or more.

The ego thought this was just another game. Just more rules to follow.

But then it dawns on you that this is it. This is where you're supposed to be.

At the border.

Many claim to have crossed over. They will even claim to be your guide.

There are no guides IN the world to help you cross the border.

But there's always a guide at the border.

I’m there now.

Been so for quite some time. There are others with me. I can see them.

Sometimes we look at each other, as if waiting to see who'll move first. One day we will cross. One day we'll be guided. One day, when we no longer feel the sacrifice.

Maybe we’ll all cross together.

Artwork by Fred Weidmann - "Evolution Without Goal"

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Does The World Own Your Mind?

Do you own your mind?

Is it exclusively yours? Do the thoughts in your head really belong only to you?

Or did the world assign you everything you THINK?

If the beliefs about your ‘self,’ that you hold so dear to heart as being “you,” were extracted from a “world” outside your head, do “you” really exist in any individualized separate sense? Are “you” really there, or just a carbonized facsimile of you-ness, that we all represent?

The egocentric self-concept is only a belief in a separate individual existence. It is an abstraction and of no real concern whatsoever. But what comes as a result of that belief is a cascade of subsequent supporting beliefs ALL extracted from a “world.” These thoughts never stop hammering on you, moment to moment, day by day, year by year. Nevertheless, you have accepted this as “normal” and each day you become more and more desensitized through the chronic, incessant self-defining reinforcement of your egocentric, self-actualizing grandiosity.

“I think, therefore I am” originated from the world. You seem to know that you CAN think, but the thoughts you think are entirely owned by your world. You just THINK they’re yours (a belief that is also product of the world).

NOT one thought in your head can be traced and identified as purely and exclusively belonging to you. You’re a ‘nobody’ desiring authentication as a somebody through a MIND defined by the THINKER as “genuine.” But you will never become genuine in your world, because the world DEFINED YOU.

How can what is NOT genuine be REAL?

What you really claim as “unique” is the way you magically string thoughts together into “beliefs.” The Theory of Relativity was strung together by Einstein, but it was available to every mind, because every mind believes it's victim to the same world. Merely stringing together extracted thoughts to construct into a belief system is not in itself authentic. More like chronic repetition...

The world has always OWNED your mind and you have spent the entirety of your life seeking freedom from that bondage. 

Some have sought to seclude themselves from the world. But in the MIND, even that is a product of the world. You could “live off the land,” but the "land" determines your existence, not you. Others attempt to associate to more profound “concepts” or beliefs, such as spiritual or religious ideologies or accepted scientific theories. Alas, this too, is provided by the world and is only a more subtle form of bondage, seemingly “right” on the outside, but still no actual depletion of suffering on the inside. Some seek freedom through meditation, but the egocentric self-concept, constructed FROM the world, does not really want to leave the world. It wants to become ruler of the world through ever greater CONTROL.

It would seem that there is NO escape from the claim that the world has staked on your mind and so you admit defeat and relent to the pressure. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Hence, you adopt the finite goals and objectives the world assigns, thinking all along that you’ve made up your own mind in denial of how impossible that really is. Ha!

Never forget that the body and all its senses are as much a part of the world as anything else you experience. Your mind is the only part of you with the potential for freedom and nothing else can ever be free.

Yet, the one who plays infinitely in the world, seems to have found a way to break loose from the claim of ownership that the world has staked upon his/her mind (however, keep in mind that this is merely speculative and limited to what I have learned so far through direct interaction and indirect observation and is open to criticism and future correction. Not an infinite player, I am merely a student).

What the body does means little to the infinite player. Yet, no longer is there concern for what the mind THINKS either. The infinite player is NOT owned by the thoughts in his/her head. Correct and incorrect choices are made, but do not seem to matter as correct or incorrect. They care, and often show great concern, but this lacks the demands of the self. Although they do what finite players do and participate in the same functions, they are often seen as odd to finite players.

Interacting with infinite players has shown me that, if you examine your thinking, you’ll see that every thought is associated to an outcome and every outcome is directly related to the world. The infinite player seems to have somehow re-routed this circuitry or transcended it totally.

Nevertheless, they give me so little to go on, since the actions seem no different than the rest of the world. They do what we do. Yet, they don’t THINK about it the way we do and, hence, fail to suffer like we do. In fact, amazingly, they seem to suffer not at all.

It would seem that the world has lost all claim to the MIND of the infinite player. But they do NOT talk about it and, hence, finite players, such as you or I, are unable to define their ways. Hence, we just don't see them at all. How can you see CLEARLY what you don't understand? But they are most definitely there.

Nevertheless, I must continue to try. Have these individuals found a way to be IN the world and not OF it? Are their numbers growing? Why do they not suffer as we do? Why will they not expose themselves and help us all? Or have they been showing themselves to us all along, unbeknownst to us? Why is it so difficult to see them? Do they generate fear in the finite player, stuck on the treadmill of egocentric games?

As you can see, I have been intently studying this for some time and I seem no closer to a definitive answer.

I would ask anyone with information pertaining to the nature of infinite play to please post your comments for publication on this blog. All comments are published in the comment section (even the nasty ones), but those most insightful will be published in the essay section as a post.

As a mere suffering mortal, I am becoming more desperate to learn how to play infinitely in this finite world.

I am beginning to recognize that there are “people” in this world who have transcended all suffering without attachment or association to any esoteric practices or ideologies. They are no more Christian than Buddhist, neither Muslim or Jew, Hindu or atheist. They work in the world and do all the things we do, yet somehow…

…their minds are NOT owned by the world.

Artwork by Brian Smith - "Forever"

Monday, August 8, 2011

If The World Is An "Illusion," Do Your Thoughts Even Exist?

Do you often find it difficult to function around “normal” people who are pursuing “normal” goals? Do you often feel as if you simply do not belong “here”? Do you often wonder if you’re “happy”? (or are you sometimes confused as to what the concept even means). Do surface conversations or small talk often cause you to suffocate? Do you have difficulty with conforming to the “rules” of intimate “loving” relationships? Do you sometimes find yourself interpreting the world as some kind of absurd anomaly that makes no sense? Do you often find yourself puzzled by the things you feel you must do? Does watching or reading the ‘serious’ news frequently make you laugh?

Do you find this blog to sometimes make sense?


Fear NOT silly finite “human”!

You are NOT ALONE…

These are merely signs of your growing desire to play infinitely in the EGO’S finite games of fulfillment. 

But the ego-self, that you’ve relied on to teach you what “you” and the "world" are all about, fights desperately to maintain your SERIOUS allegiance to all the things it demands as MEANINGFUL.

After all these years of independent “self-reliance” (sometimes to the point of desperation) do you really think “you” will give up without a fight?

And now, my friends, because you’ve worked so hard all these years, in your serious self-development, it seems a pity to finally see it ALL as a complete waste of time.

But pointlessness is obviously the final culmination of all your life's work.

All those years of education, all those career promotions, all those loving relationships, and here you are, still plugging away at extracting some sense of fulfillment, some consistent sense of “happiness.” Not to mention your years of diligent exercise, eating right, spiritual mediation, and just doing the “right thing.”

Yet, you never really seem any happier or less stressed. You never really seem to become anybody, but what YOU ARE.

And sometimes, in the wee small hours of the night, just before waking to start your “work day”…

…you consider just how absurd your existence really is.

Nothing has ever really changed and your disappointments have been mounting like a pile of nuts in a squirrel hole. Love eludes you and “happiness” is a fairy tale told by an idiot (and now, just look at the fooked up “economy,” threatening to dissolve all your hard work into nothing but a column of negative numbers on a piece of paper).

Have you had enough yet?

You can’t stop playing the world’s ego-games (because nobody can be an ego-self and NOT play ego-games). But you can learn to play them differently. You can learn to surrender self-fulfillment and discard your desire for the "right" outcomes and results. Because all that never really never mattered anyway.

Let’s face it, the ego-self (or package of beliefs you consider “you”) can never achieve fulfillment, simply because it is only a PART of your mind. Fulfillment is a delusion of the part that has lost contact with the whole. And isn’t that exactly what your world symbolizes? isn't that what you see when you look out your eyeballs?

The ego will desperately chase its dreams of fulfillment. It will pursue its “happiness.” It will never stop trying to find “love.”

But IT will never find what IT is looking for…simply because it can't.

It was NOT programmed to find, but only to seek and seek and seek, on and on and on, seemingly ad infinitum, until, after years of exhausted depletion, the very instrument it uses to measure what it seeks, up and dies on it. Oh boohoo!

Let it ALL go my friends. It simply does NOT matter. It wasn’t there UNTIL you starting seeking. Your seeking unloads it all. Your seeking merely perpetuates the very duality you continue to seek IN... and find nothing.

When you finally see clearly, you learn that not only is the world not there, but “you” are not there, nor are any of the thoughts you covet as meaningful, that fuels your seeking, is “there.”

But the cognitive abstraction you call your "self" will never let "you" go.

Nevertheless, a good way to accelerate clarity of this is to simply deny reality to the thoughts in your head. Your thoughts are as meaningless as the world you “think” you “see” (Yes, even the drivel you’re reading on this page…completely and utterly meaningless).

But woe to those who deny the reality of their own MINDS. You will, no doubt, have a rough time of things. That is, until the breakthrough occurs and you finally see the WHOLE shebang.

However, ego-self will mightily resist your being utterly meaningless. It cannot possibly see “you” as ONLY a dreamed up abstraction, because its very existence is contingent on the dream being “real.” The eyes of the body cannot help the “self” that demands the body define what IT is. Your goal has always been to see beyond what the body’s eyes show you, because what the eyes see is not “there,” although in your dream it sure seems as if you’re “looking” at something. That must no longer matter, because the body is as much a dream as the eyes and ears that seem to measure the “world” as REAL.

Some bright mind I read along time ago explained that, the moment you "forgot to laugh" the whole damn delusion took over and stupid things became meaningful.

IF everything that you are aware of is ONLY a dream, ALL must be included and nothing excluded. IF the world is ONLY a dream, your body is also a part of that and, hence, the self that believes it is a body is itself ONLY a dream. Your freedom depends on your seeing it as it really is and it really is…not “there.” (contemplate on the concepts "here" and "there" for awhile and see what comes up for you).

Sorry, but to accelerate clarity, you can no longer pick and choose what you want. And please, dump that fooking “spiritual” bullsheit. For chrisakes, all it ever did was perpetuate the need for the body to continue measuring duality and, thereby, make the whole delusion "real."

Thoughts that seek to represent and describe a dream world are as much a part of that dream as the images that seem to move around IN it. The dream is no less whole than the truth that you will awake to. Only difference is, the dream is NOT true, but ONLY a dream. Hahaa!

See ALL your dream in its expansive wholeness, so you are no longer victimized by the disparate and disconnected parts. Your thoughts about others are no more real than the images you see and claim as representing other minds. You are not “here,” nor are your thoughts, images, beliefs; nothing is “here,” because it is ONLY a dream.

The belief in “your” mind, as separate from the wholeness of the delusion, is as delusional as the belief in “other” separate minds. Believing that your mind is “the only mind” is no less delusional than believing in "other" minds and that all minds, including yours, are owned by the heads that seem to house them.

It's just not "there," dude.

Hence, your finite “spiritual” thoughts cannot save you. Go ahead and dump all that too.

Now you can be free to play infinitely in your world. Now you can remember to laugh.

What have you got to lose?

It’s only a fooking dream….

Artwork by MARS-1   - "Ultraviolet Dreams"