Sunday, July 31, 2011

Dreaming of Insanity

You are beginning to recognize that your rationale for living is wearing mighty thin. Your raison d’ etre, or reason for being, is no longer keeping your head above water. You, my friend, are drowning.


Nothing is as reliable as complete insanity. The  total break with reality. Hahaaa!

Eventually, you will learn that what you “do” has NO value. That your entire life has been of no value. Yet, note how your “self” demands value and fights vigorously against this as a viable choice. Because if its world has NO value…

… then neither does IT (Ooops!)

A dream can be whatever you want it to be, but NO part of it is valued, because you recognize it as ONLY a dream.

To be victim in a dream means you have failed to recognize it as ONLY a dream and, as a result, the dream controls you. Nevertheless, although you choose to be controlled by a dream, it is still ONLY a dream and you can choose to SEE it differently.

You will soon learn that you can do anything you choose. However, every choice asserts VALUE and what you value you will idolize as “real” and forget that it is all ONLY a dream.

In a dream, there is no right or wrong choice, simply because ALL of it is ONLY a dream. No choice is more or less important than another, because every choice is made IN a dream.

The only real choice to be made is to wake the fook up. No other choice matters. If you idolize certain choices IN the dream as “real,” then the dream controls you and you will feel as if you have no choice.

It's very simple....make every choice in a dream, prove to you it is ONLY a dream.

Choices can only become valued as necessary in a world interpreted as “real.” Your only option is to alter that interpretation.

You have tried to make perception fit your grand plans.

You've given great value to specific parts of what you perceive, while attempting to devalue other parts. You've tried to deny, ignore and even hide. You’ve applied progressively greater control to what you perceive, often through anger and attack. You’ve cried tears of despair and begged the "world" to give you what you need. You've prayed, meditated and raged. You've used chemicals to numb yourself to what you perceive and have sought to overhaul your constant suffering through idolizing pleasurable experiences. You've tried many things to make it all better.

Nevertheless, nothing has yet mitigated your dream of suffering. None of these measures have worked and, if they have provided any relief at all, only a brief time elapses before your misery again rises up to consume your mind. What more can you do? What other “choices” are left to you?

ALL of the options you have so far chosen demand your world be “real.” You have done many things to end your suffering in the dream, except realize it IS a dream and this is the only option left to you. I recommend you choose the only option that is guaranteed to work without fail.

When you know it is ONLY a dream, the dream no longer controls you. Yet, you must recognize it ALL as ONLY a dream. There can be NO doubt. No part of what is ONLY a dream can be of more or less importance than any other part. Otherwise, you will idolize specific parts as valuable and what is assessed as valuable becomes more “real” for you. This is the dream you now believe, and suffer accordingly, as “real.”

I simply recommend a means of escaping enslavement to what you believe “real.” You made war “real” because, in your dream, some parts are to be feared and hated. In your dream, some parts must be destroyed, else you believe they will destroy you. In your dream, you CAN be destroyed.

Accept it all as ONLY a dream and realize you are infinitely invulnerable.

Of course, your dream will not react positively to knowing it is ONLY a dream. But that's okay because it's ONLY a dream. Ha!

To fully understand and SEE this is to experience a JOY that is beyond anything you have experienced or could even imagine experiencing. It is a freedom that offers infinite peace and a love that will encompass every part of your mind. For in this VISION is the realization that ALL suffering has never been “real” and, in understanding this, suffering takes on new meaning.

Yet, there is still another world for you to see.

However, no “eyes” will show it to you because IT IS REAL. Words from the dream cannot describe its utter beauty and, hence, I cannot tell you what you will experience because there are no “dream words” that fit such a description. Although, your dreaming does not suffice to keep you much longer from this experience. Let's not deny that you want it more than anything else.

Because you REMEMBER, and have NOT forgotten, you are teaching your ‘self” again what you have always KNOWN.

It is only a breath away and waits patiently for you to accept its VISION.

But first, you must accept that it's ALL ONLY a dream.

Artwork by Suzzan Blac - "Tension"

Monday, July 18, 2011

Defending YOUR Egocentric Experience as “True”

The infinite player invites truth by no particular means under his or her control and therefore, has no reason to defend as “true” what is experienced. That’s because truth is not an answer generated through questioning and all attempts to generate it as a means of ending all questions are meaningless.

The infinite player realizes that there are NO answers to the questions, only infinitely more questions. Hence, the infinite player invites truth by being vigilantly aware that ALL rules for questioning are based on answers that only deny further questions. Whether or not this results in “realizing” truth is insignificant to the infinite player, who understands that any focus on truth automatically applies egocentric rules, such as, “history informs us…,” “the ancient masters teach…," “The Buddha states…,” “the Bible says… ,“ etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

The infinite player understands that ideology is NOT truth and he/she is not directed by it.

Finite players seek an answer to end all questions and this results in complex ideologies and dogma. Infinite players realize the answers are finite, while questions never end and this is why infinite players are not bound to any egocentric “Rules of Questioning.” Once an answer is found, the ego immediately begins defending it as “truth.”

The infinite player realizes that TRUTH needs no defense.

If it is the answer, why defend it? Shouldn’t everybody KNOW it…naturally, intuitively and totally? Is the answer only for some, but not others? Yet, how could that be TRUE, since it does NOT apply equally at all times. Ego’s love to spin “truth” in their own special ways, because egos love to be special. 

Does the answer, or “truth,” you seek, require you disengage from others and the world in order to receive an answer that meets your ego-centered satisfaction? Or, is there some specific type of engagement (spiritual, religious, scientific, etc, etc) required to have your answers be considered “truth”? What conceptual understandings must you learn and superimpose upon your experience (sensation) of a world in order to acquire a “true” answer? Do you seek to add OR subtract “meaning” from the world as a way to an answer?  Do you believe that once you “discover” the answer the game of questioning ends?


The ego must defend ALL its experiences as “truth,” since the purpose of ALL of its experiences is to prove IT IS REAL (and not much else but that). Note your general feeling of discomfort, as I suggest that all your experiences are completely meaningless because they come to you egocentrically. Of course, your life is not meaningless and absurd to you, because you give it all the meaning it has for “you.”

There is NO separation. You will defend your meanings, because the meanings you superimpose upon your “world” define “you.”
The infinite player plays comfortably WITH the meaning of every experience, in the realization that his/her experiences can only lead to further questions with additional experiences, on and on, ad infinitum. Answers can only exclude experience by putting a stop to further questions. This process is symbolic of a finite egocentric self, which demands that its experiences represent “truth” and it will often die to defend a“truth” that proves IT is “true.”

Your “happiness” is entirely contingent on the rules that the world provides to arrive at the answers that proves you are “true.” Did the world teach you to seek “bliss” as an answer to your “suffering”? Do you believe truth should be sought alone and that “transcending the world” is the answer? Are the answers you embrace nothing more than “Rules of Questioning” that really answer NOTHING at all? (but keep your questions within comfortable parameters so “you” feel you’re making “progress”?). You gave it ALL the meaning it has for you, but surrendered responsibility for what it returns back at ya.

You write the rules from moment to moment and in each moment a different rule seems to apply, all based on the belief that the rules will give you the ANSWER and, hence, “truth.” Yet, in a thousand centuries, all we have so far are ever more complex, chaotic and complicating rules. How can this mean anything more than “living” without purpose, because there are NO answers, no truth, only more rules? It is not what you see that causes fear, but the rules you’ve applied to the experiences OF your mind and this conforms to cause and effect.

Hence, can anything really be ‘there’ at all, if you only see what your rules demand, because they determine the very parameters of what CAN BE SEEN?

One answer makes you happy, while the next one makes you sad. The “happiness” your answers provide, chaotically conform to relative levels and degrees of “truth,” but never the WHOLE TRUTH. You have a hundred answers each embraced while unaware of conflicting answers and overlapping rules that tend to negate and cancel each other out. How is it possible to have even the simplest communication, when minds are in chaos due to the relativity of egocentric “truths”?

The world thus becomes a reflection of confused minds victimized by their own chaotic meanings crashing against one another incessantly. Chaotic minds obsessed with separate events as “true,”  fail to fully engage in questioning TOGETHER, and so suffer from events and situations that evolve from answers deemed “sacred” (religion and science) and beyond all question.

Chaotic rules can only SEE chaos, since these are what the rules demand. The world merely conforms to your rules for SEEING and, because there is no safety in rules originating from chaos, such instability can only give rise to more fear. Fear quickly attaches to an answer and fails to develop more adequate questions.

Living for the question and NOT the answer negates the ego-self’s desperation for answers through attaching to meaningless experiences.

Play infinitely with the questions and surrender hope of ever finding an answer.

Artwork by Darek Jasiczak - "False Prophets"

Monday, July 11, 2011

Humans Hate Humanity

kevin-llewellyn-2 Fountain of YouthA coworker recently told me how she cries whenever an animal dies in a movie. She doesn’t much fret at all about people getting shot up, blown away, dismembered, etc. But when a dog or horse is killed, she feels really sad.

Humanity is inherently guilty by reason of its purposeless existence. 

Guilt is the chief reason we cannot come together to fix our problems and the world continues to deteriorate rapidly because of guilt. But it’s not the type of guilt one experiences for specific acts, like stealing a pack of pens from work or cheating on your spouse (or your taxes).

Rather, this guilt is a pervasive, all-encompassing, deep-seated feeling of inadequacy and worthlessness. A feeling of not being ‘good enough,’ and of being inherently wrong, purposeless and meaningless. 

You could really try to do everything right in your life, to follow the rules perfectly, to be a good citizen, worker, spouse, parent, etc, and you could even feel as if you were succeeding. But this would never alleviate your deep sense of guilt for being a part of humanity. For ‘existing’ as human.

Your egocentricity is fueled by guilt. Your very existence as a ‘self’ is contingent on guilt, on the deep sense of being WRONG. You don’t know why you feel this way. You can’t point to any specific aspects of your ‘self’ as responsible for this feeling, but you can’t help but feel very WRONG.

Of course, if “you” are wrong, then clearly the whole of humanity is just as WRONG and you fully indict them as such. This seems to allow you a brief reprieve from your guilt. But eventually, the anxiety prevails over all your attempts at a cure.

There’s no getting around the basic fact that we really hate each other for what we do to one another and to our world.
As a whole, we mistrust and loathe one another and this is essentially why we cannot work together to solve the world’s problems. Problems that guilt created, demanding everyone take care of himself. An ego-self that does NOT trust other egos will only look out for itself. Hence, that is the world you see. A world of fear and loathing. A world of war and destruction, greed and corruption. A world falling apart. A world in which individuals seek to survive in spite of their hatred of humanity and being human. This is a world of “everybody for himself.”

Yet, we fail to see that the lifeboat is sinking and everyone on it will go down with the ship.

Nevertheless, egos like to collude with other egos and will pick and choose other specific egos to help it improve on its finite survival chances, because to an ego, survival is everything.

So why bother trying to fix a dying civilization. I will shoot you and you me and, hopefully, we’ll both drop simultaneously. Haha!

If your existence is inherently wrong, then everyone else’s existence is just as wrong. However, the dynamic of the ego is to deny its deep sense of inadequacy by focusing on specific acts of guilt performed by others. This subterfuge aids in obscuring your deeper personal feeling of meaninglessness and complete lack of purpose. You need not be aware of your sense of guilt if you can indict ME as the guilty party.

Humans hate humanity because we find our self, and humanity, as guilty of having NO purpose and what has NO purpose should be eradicated. God did not create a meaningless and purposeless world.

You did.

The fact of the matter is that seeking ways to protect the planet is absurd and useless. All technologies directed in such a way should be terminated, simply because we clearly do not have the means to cooperate/collaborate in implementing any protective measures. Of course, token measures seem to relieve us temporarily of our inherent ego-guilt. But this fails to wipe clean the guilt we feel for who and what we are and this is the guilt we easily superimpose upon the whole of humanity. It's the filter you see the world through.

The guilty do not work well together and if we can’t, then no amount of innovative technology or skills will make a speck of difference. It hasn’t made any difference in changing the course we are on now, nor will it amount to a hill of beans for our future.

Forget nature! Nature doesn’t care a spit for our techno-fixes and all petty attempts at healing the planet from our own assaults upon it. It simply waits for us to realize our own innocence so that we once again can return to nature. But seeking to return to nature, while subtracting humanity from that equation, only resigns us ALL to our fate.

Until then, the guilty must pay and we may wind up paying with  extinction. As much as you love your personal little “life,” your hatred of humanity dooms you as much as the whole.

The guilt in your mind shapes and molds molecules into the “world” you experience.

As long as we find humanity reprehensible we will avoid and not engage, alienate rather than reconcile, estrange as opposed to unify.

And the world will reflect that back at us in vivid Technicolor.

ARTWORK BY Kevin Llewellyn – “Fountain of Youth”

Finite and Infinite Learning

There has always been only two teachers. The Infinite Player clearly hears both, but listens and learns, from one.

The finite player, however, is perpetually conflicted between the two.

He/she tries to pick out the best of both worlds. Hence, learning is chaotic and leads only to continued disappointment, because two opposing concepts cannot be equally true at the same time.

The finite player wants it both ways and sets up for himself impossible situations in which nothing is learned except the experience of learning something. The Infinite Player simply surrenders his capacity to choose and, through that, learning is assured.

Only an ego must choose WHAT to learn and so, learns a whole lot of nothing… about everything. The infinite player learns everything about nothing, because everything IS nothing and this realization tends to cause a significant reduction in stress (because how can the meaningless be stressful, except to those who require meaning?).

The finite player wants to “know” a lot about everything, since this seems to indicate an increased ability to WIN finite games and finite life is identified by how many egocentric games can be WON.

WINNING makes “life” worth “living” (or so they say)

Therefore, the world provides the finite player with a whole lot of learning about everything. The finite player is a “Master of Information” and egocentric esteem is attained by those finite players who demonstrate the retention of huge stores of information. In fact, finite players construct massive tombs, called “universities,” for which to store and disseminate lots of information about nothing. Finite players congregate and teach one another the skills necessary to WIN finite games. Yet, they tend not to question the value of what they learn, but simply strive to learn more in the belief that this will increase their chances of succeeding in a finite world.

Unfortunately, this “information” tends to squelch out information NOT learned in schools, universities, books, curriculum's, etc. In other words, NOT provided by the world. Hence, ONLY the world TEACHES the finite player.

They learn nothing from anything else.

The infinite player simply finds nothing of value in the world that is worthy of learning. Oh sure, they learned a lot too. But somehow these folks came to realize that all their learning amounted to nothing and, thus, they basically ignore the VOICE that speaks for the world. You know, that voice that tells you what you should be doing. What you should feel and THINK.

They still hear what you hear, but have no desire to listen and so, remain unmoved by that which causes you intense anxiety.

When you no longer superimpose your meanings upon the "world," what it all really means will become apparent. Until then, you will seek out the best of both worlds and will only be disappointed by the perpetual chaos you now experience.

Artwork by Todd Schorr - "Into the Valley of Finks and Weirdos"