The Unexamined Ego is not Worth Living

For those who read this blog thinking “this guy might have some truths,” I can positively dissuade you of that notion. I have NO idea what the truth is (or isn’t, for that matter).

This site specifically addresses ego dynamics and digging down into why it (“you”) behaves as it does. By understanding the underlying motivations, beyond the generally accepted Freudian unconscious/subconscious drives, there is a chance you may reach a clear “spiritual” center (for lack of a better descriptor). I have experienced such a “center,” but only through momentary glimpses that were immediately subsumed and incorporated into egocentric interpretations (as is usually the case).

In addition, it is my belief that you will not engage that center through pithy platitudes or repetitively lip-servicing the scripts and moral “truths” of antiquity (interpreted by other egos millions and millions of time over). Ego-self easily incorporates ALL that within its own grandiose schemes and this is why most modern spiritual masters often appear the most egotistically afflicted (downright sociopathic actually, but that stands to reason).

In addition, you probably won’t get there through meditative spiritual practices because of the subconscious aspirations and goals that you have for your ‘self’ that are not consciously accessible (even your "spirituality" is steeped in desired outcomes and goals). Any attempt to transcend egocentricity will naturally bend itself and conform to your deep-seated goals without your conscious intent. There are a whole sheitload of egocentric “transcenders” out there and the internet is a breeding ground for the “egocentrically enlightened.”

This type of ego exploration is not well-suited for the polite company of spiritual suburbanites seeking enlightenment through Eckart Tolle's next best seller. Lotsa good stuff said by these folks, but it's all been said before (so has it made any difference to "you"?).

Although, we can’t deny it is ego observing itself, so it’s often best to have a partner. It’s harder to deny your own ego dynamics when someone you trust is pointing it out. This level of understanding demands excruciating honesty and is dreadfully uncomfortable, even downright painful to egocentricity.

It simply means understanding why you do the things you do by understanding that every answer you come up with only demands you go deeper which may include more PAIN (unfortunately, seeking to experience invulnerability is initially wrought with experiences of intense vulnerability). You will know that you’re getting closer simply by the level of resistance you experience to understanding.

The world you experience is exquisitely formulated to deny understanding through normalizing (and ‘comfortizing’) what we refer to as “rational” complexity. Egocentricity worships the chaos of complexity simply by calling it “logic” but it is entirely contingent on sense data.

Yet, be aware that fear will dog your every step, because one thing is certain: NO one, in this experience of "existing," believes he is living authentically. 

Everyone recognizes, in some way and on some level, that they are living a lie. In fact, there are many out there who have come to the realization that it’s ALL a lie. But, as many ancient wise-guys have claimed, fear would be very useful if it wasn’t so damn frightening.

But how many really want to dig this deep? Who really wants to face the potential fact that everything they do, everything they think and feel, is nothing but a baseless fabrication? The egocentric mind is void of any Truth whatsoever, by nature of its egocentricity.

The egocentric fear is that by understanding what is or is NOT a lie one must then sacrifice or cut certain parts free. That one must cease from useless actions. This smacks of SACRIFICE and sacrifice only reinforces the experience of deprivation (most likely also a lie). This is an erroneous understanding if you start from the premise that it is ALL a fabrication and, hence, it matters not what you do, but only that you understand WHY.

In this way one can learn to play infinitely in the finite fabrications of “life” and not be bound to necessity, but enriched through free-will (besides, who can ever experience free-will without understanding embodied-ego dynamics?). It terminates the experience that there are things you NEED to do, in opposition to what you WANT to do, as one choice is as insignificant or significant as the other.

But your childhood moral indoctrination impedes this exploration because you believe your values matter. And so, the ego-self chronically perseverates over change and will desperately seek a way to achieve a sense of satisfaction within the nausea of its fabricated experiences. But it will not look too closely for it fears what it might see and merely looks at what it what was taught to look at. Freud called this “sublimation” and believed it necessary to sublimate primitive drives into socially acceptable channels as a means of maintain social cohesion. Unfortunately, this has the reverse affect of stifling any super-conscious motivations NOT contingent on egocentric identities.

As a result, egos are quite comfy in their chosen “lifestyles,” while at the same time, ferociously sickened by that comfort. 

Nevertheless, the ego will delude itself through socially conditioned values and morality, which aid in maintaining a framework that holds NO content, but is clearly quite strong in the weight of its vacuous and superficial presence. Like a rugged and reinforced foundation that holds up absolutely NOTHING. This is how egos live and it’s what they come to expect.

It is not the depth of content the ego seeks, but an ever more elaborate framework for which to drape around itself as a means of self-actualizing it existence as “real.” 

It collects and controls to assist in reinforcing this foundation. It will accumulate people within specific parameters and in all types of combinations and relationships. It will construct communities, towns, societies marriages, families, etc, etc, not for the depth that could be engaged in these relationships but for which to assert itself in the world.

And then it will naturally complain of the failure inherent in relying on such meaningless surface engagements.

Yet, deep down “you” cannot deny the exhaustion experienced through the failure of the props to provide fulfillment. Egocentricity will inevitably blame the props, while denying that what it propped up to actualize itself can only diminish it. Hence, it may seek out other props, different people, new experiences, accumulate more things. But eventually even that will fail to fulfill.

But NEVER will it look deeply into its own dynamics and, if it does, the pain of what it sees will only drive it back into its experience of a "world" and what the world provides for its self-actualizing and meaningless sustenance.

“I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss.” (The Matrix)

It will become fanatically involved in a “cause” and will take up “spiritual practices,” and burn through numerous "purposes," all the while, deluding itself that it is consciously “evolving.” Egocentricity has no capacity to consciously evolve. It can only turn to the past as the means of knowing itself as a fabricated concept and all future concepts it tacks on are only the residue of that past experience.

For the ego-self, there is simply "nothing new under the sun."

There is no reason to change what you do. No reason to leave your marriage or to stay. No reason to sell your house and move to Big Sur or not to. There is no reason to take up a spiritual practice or zealously adhere to some religio-spiritual ideology that will only further aggrandize your egocentricity (egos are always looking for new and wonderful things to believe). Although you certainly can have a good time doing that. There is no reason to quit your job and become an organic gardener, but that could be an exciting experience for a little while. No reason to read Eckart Tolle or attend the new age seminar. However, there’s no reason NOT to do those things either.

Go ahead and do whatever you wish. But, sometimes, you may have to do some things that you fear doing just to see how it feels so that you can use that fear as a starting point. But don’t sweat it. Eventually it all comes up as it needs to, sooner or later (there is an odd certainty to your always getting what you need when you need it no matter how fooked up it may seem in the moment).

Don’t be shy. It’s only “you.” Swim in the depths of your egocentricity and learn what it is. Discover the reasons for your motivations and closely observe your fears. You will know you are onto something big by the intensity of your discomfort. Take that as a positive and don’t struggle too hard to run away from your mind.

Yet, one day all this might be over (before the reaper appears!). One day there may no longer be anything left to learn. Might be a load of “lifetimes” before that happens. Nevertheless, until then…

…an unexamined ego is not worth living.

Artwork by Anton Semenov - "Auschwitz"

Going South in a Quantum Nano-Second

It's always amazing how your whole world can go south in a quantum nano-second.

Your best, most well laid plans can be instantly shattered by the smashing of a teacup. Chaos awaits all your aspirations and the ripples of chance will eventually overtake you, completely unaware, disturbing the placid waters of your comfortable life-stream without a moments notice.

And you will make choices that, inevitably, will dash you to pieces against the rocks. Puzzled, you vigorously shake your head, attempting to clear the smoke between your ears to attain some clarity as to "why." But to no avail.

What you thought was right is now suddenly dead wrong.

But your stuck with it. There’s no rewind.

Yet, you thought you knew! You had evaluated the situation with pinpoint precision and, after much thoughtful consideration, made your decision and in that moment it felt so right.

But now its suddenly so wrong.

Emotion restricts and limits the happy horse sheit you call “logic” and your rational judgments are nothing more than a paper wall as emotion crashes through and rips it all to shreds.

Man does not live by thought alone, but is ultimately driven by how he feels about what he thinks.

When will you learn that you cannot KNOW? When will you give up deciding? When will you let it be?

When will you allow CERTAINTY to decide for you?

Make no mistake, that choice you made the other day…

…had to be made and exactly as you made it.

There is either certainty or uncertainty. Both cannot exist simultaneously and, because you can attain to NO accuracy in your judgments, certainty MUST predominate over all judgments in "reality." The appearance of uncertainty is delusional.

This is so excruciatingly hard for egocentricity to roll with, because ego wants to WIN. Ego demands “success” as the means of defining itself as opposing "failure." The ego-self  seeks to accurately predict so that it can diligently plan and prepare for the outcome it desires for its future.

And in that suffocating box of predictable preparation, nothing else can be seen and awareness is stifled into complete ignorance. Everything you are preparing for is predicated on what came before. You know nothing else but what came before. All your dreams are entirely contingent on the past, (even though it is the past you run from in predicting your “better future").

This is always a recipe for disaster and it’s why disaster lurks around the corner of every choice you make, waiting to pounce on you with the unbearable weight of uncertainty and doubt. 

But that choice you made, that decision you worked so hard on, is just as certain as what comes to you without your egocentric preparation planned from predictions based on the past.

So why bother at all? Why are you working so hard? Why not ease up a little? Why not accept the CERTAINTY of every choice you make?

Your only hope is CERTAINTY. But will you allow it?

Or will you decide you know what’s best? Will you rest upon the accurate predictability of your coveted choices? Will you perseverate upon what is right and wrong? Why do you think you know what the fook you need? Because the past has predicted it?

And when you take your final breathe, will you realize only then that it was all for naught? Will you finally resign yourself to fate?

Can you find comfort in the realization that you have made no “mistakes"? Can you live the rest of your days knowing you have not “succeeded” nor have you ever “failed” and neither assessment can ever again matter? What would happen to your precious values? Do you think God gives a sheit about your made up delusional morality?

Your revel in your egocentric individuality as if “you” meant something.

I would suggest you let it all go south and free yourself of the grinding bondage of your precious beliefs.

One day you will come to the realization that your beliefs don’t make a spit of difference to CERTAINTY.

It remains as CERTAIN today as it was yesterday and will be tomorrow…


 Photo by Erik Johansson - "Melting Point"

Cosmic Mojo vs Mojo Hijacking (part 2 of infinite)

When you were “born,” you were vibrating with intense levels of high Mojo juice. You were so high Mojo, you were buzzin’ and even low Mojo couldn’t help smiling and feeling they’re own Mojo poppin’ whenever they looked at you.

But then low Mojo started cutting off your circuits and hijacking your Mojo Juice. As if your Mojo needed protectin.’ As if too high Mojo might kill yo arse! And you thought, “but why no Mojo, ma, pa?” (well maybe not those exact words). But they insisted that your Mojo go low whenever they said NO. And that’s just plain stoopid, cause high Mojo is how you know you’re ALIVE.  It’s low Mojo that finally kills ya.

Look around at all the low Mojo draggin’ they’re feet and plodding through their mundane and dreary lives like a bunch of low Mojo zombies. It’s as if they was just waiting for the Mojo to go…POOF! into thin air.

You probably don’t remember how shocked and confused you were that anyone would want to take away what made you shimmer and shine? You cried and bawled, but to no avail. They wanted your Mojo low and no matter how much you tried to jack it back up they kept draining it.

Sometimes they beat it outa you, claimin' that it hurt their Mojo more than yours. But low Mojo was persistent and demanded high Mojo always do what low Mojo wanted. Soon, low Mojo became the only way to gogo (which ain’t no way at all) and being ALIVE started to get all heavy and oppressive. High Mojo is what you’re “here” for.

But you really can’t blame low Mojo, cause they been taught that Mojo is sometimes “inappropriate;” sometimes “wrong.” They learned that there is “normal” and not “normal” Mojo, good and bad Mojo, when really there is only high and low Mojo. They think that Mojo is a product of what you DO, when really what you DO is a product of Mojo (and how they got that sheit ass backwards is beyond me, but it’s pretty epidemic at this point).

And then they forced you to get an  “education.” They dumbed down your Mojo so you could get a low Mojo “job” and idolize low Mojo “money.” Believe it or not, your stress is actually a product of your life-long struggle to keep Mojo low.

Have you ever noticed that whenever you jump into a moment of high Mojo, amazingly, you wind up shutting it down as if Mojo Joy was some kinda disease? This is how you learned to fear your own Mojo and this is why you often hate your life, cause a life without Mojo Joy ain’t really livin.’

Low Mojo taught you how to compete with other low Mojos by sapping their Mojo and takin’ it for yourself. You actually learned that the best way to get high Mojo was to hijack somebody else’s Mojo and give none back. You learned that the best way to get Mojo Risin,’ was to take it from somebody else. Can you believe that sheit??? But it’s true! Just look at all your relationships.

Now you spend your life trying to get back your high Mojo (that low Mojo stifled) by making other Mojos low. We're all nothing but a mob of Mojo Hijackers. And sure, you take their Mojo and ya get what SEEMS like a quick high, but it ain’t real Mojo. It’s an egocentric Mojo mirage, which is just low Mojo in disguise, and that never lasts and only causes real Mojo to evaporate. This is why the ego’s Mojo feels good at first, but eventually it just makes real Mojo dissolve cause it just ain’t real Mojo, it’s pretend Mojo. Pretending to be high Mojo, when you’re really low Mojo, is just low Mojo posing as something it’s NOT.

Making Mojo low ain’t the way to get Mojo Joy. Giving Mojo is the only way to get it up!

The only way to get Mojo Joy is by jackin’ up somebody else’s Mojo, creating a free-flowing Mojo circuit that naturally multiplies and gives back double what you put in. But be careful. Mojo don’t do well with your low Mojo  “rules” and once you start tellin’ it when and how to rise, it fades fast, cause Mojo that ain’t natural, is just low Mojo.

Low Mojo gets so used to taking Mojo (they don't know any better!) and having their own Mojo drained, that they completely forgot how to jump-start Mojo circuits (as simple as hooking up two car batteries). Whenever an opportunity comes up, they get all scared and start taking Mojo instead of giving it. They hold back Mojo fearing somebody’s gonna swipe it and it just stagnates, eventually dissolving into a stinky low mojo mess.

That’s called Mojo Rigor Mortis.

But then, low Mojo just wanders around always grittin’ and grindin’ over why their Mojo’s so low, when any damn fool could figger it out if he just looked at what he was doing. If he could only give up the ego’s Mojo for the real thing.

Stop protectin’ your Mojo and give it away now. Don’t pretend high Mojo when you’re low, just hook up with high Mojo and start risin.’

I know this lady who’s a Mojo Queen and her's is so incredibly high that everybody wants it. But instead of giving to get, they keep taking and give nothing back. Why can’t they understand that if they just give Mojo, they’re gonna get it right back at ‘em, times ten thousand? But she’s still really high Mojo cause, once you get filled up to a certain level, nobody can drain ya anymore.

That’s called Cosmic Mojo and it’s pretty rare to find someone at that level, but they’re out there.

Maybe you’re one of ‘em?

Artwork by Yue Minjun - "untitled"

Is Your Mojo Rising (part 1 of infinite)