Damn, I Hate Consciousness!!

Damn, I hate Consciousness.

Like, the other day, I got rip roaring drunk. Me and my peeps was sippin’ The Red and don’t you know, as I slipped off into the State of Inebriation (next to Ohio), I hear consciousness say, “I’m always here.”

“What??? Fook you! Get off my back. Leave me alone!!!”

I wake with a galactic hangover and Consciousness doesn’t care at all. There it is, as it always is…

Consciousness doesn't care what I say or do, or even think, and I’m startin’ to think that Consciousness doesn’t give a rat’s ass about “me” at all.

I’m sick to death of Consciousness. It follows my arse everywhere I go. No matter what I’m doing, there’s Consciousness, doing what it always does, which is nothin’ at all. Just frickin’…being (and what good is that?). And it’s not even being “there.” I have no idea where it is, or from where it comes, but I do KNOW it never leaves me alone.

Stupid consciousness! I hate it…

As much as I try to shake it, somehow it eludes all my attempts. The other night I was watching mindless TV and there it was being Consciousness as it always IS. I complain, but all it says is, “where could you go that I would not Be?”

You’d think that it would frickin’ sleep! But nooo! Consciousness doesn’t sleep…EVER. It doesn't rest and is on me 24/7.

The problem is that Consciousness is non-judgmental. No matter what evil bullsheit I’m thinking or doing, Consciousness is always right “there.” If it weren’t for Consciousness, I wouldn’t feel so guilty all the time. I blame Consciousness for everything, but Consciousness couldn't care less!

I wish Consciousness would go torment somebody else. Go haunt somebody else's life. But it responds that "there is NO other." Then it tries to make friends with me by telling me I’m IT. But, fook that! I don’t need no Consciousness to tell me who or what I am. Consciousness can go fook itself, cause I ain’t playin’ IT’s game.

Just when I think I’m close to figgerin’ out how to shake IT. I hear, “do you really think that what happens to "you" matters to me?”

Damn, I hate consciousness!

Why does it think it knows everything???

But what’s worse is I've discovered that Consciousness has a buddy and his name is Existence. I never knew Existence was there before, but now it’s like I’m being tag-teamed. When one steps back, the other kicks into gear.

It’s almost like they’re ONE thing for chrissakes!!

Dang! I hate Existence too...

Why don’t they both just leave me alone!

Nope! They’re always there…

I try to hide. But they always find me…

The other day, they pissed me off so much that I threatened to shoot myself and end it all. But then Existence chimes in with, “you are, because…I AM and I AM... always" and then Consciousness got all uppity with, "there cannot be non-existence, because there is nothing that is not me."

What!? So I’m stuck with you forever? For all eternity??

Can you believe they both laughed when I asked that question!
(sorry, but I don't know what they find's so damn funny)

Damn, I hate Consciousness…


Artwork by Fred Einaudi - "Homunculus"

Mojo at Play in the Conceptual Fields of the Dream

“It can be very difficult for any spiritual teacher to get through to students like this, to get them to stop holding on to their fixation on an absolute view. This is one of the dangers of awakening: the tendency to grasp at a lopsided view. We grasp at the absolute view of awakening, and we deny anything else. It is actually the ego that fixates on the absolute in this way, using it as an excuse for dismissing unenlightened behavior, thought patterns, and divided emotional states. As soon as we grasp at any view, we have gone blind to everything else.” (Adyashanti, 2004-12-01,End of Your World, The pp. 45-46 Sounds True. Kindle Edition).

“Unenlightened behavior”???? This guys a bit “fixated” on the “Spiritual Teacher” role. Very prescriptive. Do this, do that, not that, not this.This concept is "good" (concept) and that one "bad" (concept).

But then, every pointer… points back at “you”  (concept) so maybe he's doing a good job at "spiritual teacher."

Egocentrics need “To Do Lists.” I need to be quiet. I need to be honest. I need to meditate. I need to commit to spiritual practices. I need to be NOT separated. I need to not do harm. I need to stop holding onto my fixations. I need to stop “grasping.” I need to surrender “unenlightened behavior.” I need to be “enlightened.”

High Mojo don’t care none about egocentric “Rules of Enlightenment” (nor any rules, to be more precise). However, there is a thrill in playing with rules you know are meaningless. Such "play" (concept) has often been labeled "infinite" (concept).

High Mojo (concept) is A-okay with “unenlightened behavior.” High Mojo plays infinitely in the conceptual fields of the dream.

“Enlightened” is as much a concept as “father.” If you believe in the concept as “real” (another concept) then you’ll conform accordingly and expect the outcomes that are associated with whatever concept you’re jelling with. If I play out the role of father based on the concept of “father” (which is really the only way to play) then I will expect specific outcomes associated with following those conceptual rules. If I play out the role of “spiritual teacher,” or “enlightened” dude, then I will expect the outcome attached to that concept. I may never get the expected outcome, but I will continue to adhere to the rules nonetheless, because it’s the rules that are defining “I-me” based on what I want to happen.

If it doesn’t happen, then I will suffer accordingly and seek out concepts that explain the failure and that prescribe what more should be done to get the payout attached to the concept. Those additional concepts will then define me based on the expectations attached.

It’s actually pretty fookin’ simple when you look at it straight on. But then, egocentrics tend not to look too closely at their concepts. But then, that’s the nature of the concept of “egocentricity.” Attached is the concept of “ignorance” and not to look too closely. But then, that’s okay too!

Ever notice how all your concepts tend to jell together. Like, the concept of “child molester” doesn’t jive at all with concept of “spiritual seeker.” The concept of “father” doesn't sit well with the concept of “recluse.” The concept of "spiritual teacher" doesn't jell with the concept of "alcoholic."

When concepts clash, peeps commit "suicide" (final concept).

So like, I’m “divorced” (concept) and was attempting to play around with the concept of “dating.” However, associated with that concept is the concept of “relationship” and “love” and, obviously, attached to those concepts is the concept of “rules.” Problem is that once the concept of “rules” come into play…I want to cut my throat with a rusty butter knife (concept). Concepts achieve power through emotion, but “emotion” is a concept too.

Emotion is a concept associated with the body (concept) and, theretofore and ergo, the concept of "helplessness" comes into play. I have played with the concept of "helplessness" many times in my "life" (concept) and always, attached, is the concept of "hopelessness." I must admit that the concept of "hopelessness" has been more helpful to me than any concept I have yet to consider. But it does appear that most will avoid "hopelessness" with incredible strength and vigor and often immediately attach to concepts that have as their sole purpose the avoidance of the concept of "hopelessness." I find this "fascinating"! (concept)

When Mojo rises, Mojo looks and SEES it all as a "concept" (also a concept) and when Mojo SEES it all for what it is, guess what happens?

Nothing….

Not a damn thing….(Ha!)

And that’s how you know your Mojo’s risin’ (which, of course, is also a concept).

Artwork by Yosuke Ueno - "Beginning the great Adventure"

Pink Elephants on Parade

As long as your contained in a body, there is NO freedom.

So stop this insipid "liberation" crapola. Centuries of liberating ideology has only reinforced your enslavement.

It ain't happenin. Hasn't happened for anybody since the dawn of man and will NOT happen for you.

Oh, but I bet you think you've come upon those who are free? The gaga guru who will save you? This is the most insipid form of enslavement. The hope of freedom.

Accept....

Good fookin' grief, if I watch one more video on how we can liberate as a society, as a people, I swear I will frickin' let lose yesterday's granola.

Oh, but is that "negative"? Am I raining on your kumbaya parade.

The more you attempt to engage the one side, the more the other side surrounds and envelops you. The more you attempt to be "positive," the more the negative owns your arse.

But here's the catch...

You can't be neutral!

Don't think of pink elephants. I demand you NOT think of pink elephants! Are you thinking of pink elephants? Why? Society has instilled in you the commandment NOT to think of pink elephants. How dare you rebel. Stupid fool! If you continue to think of pink elephants we will be forced to deal with you. Those who think of pink elephants...must die!!

Ha! You have no choice, because there is ONLY choice and you must choose. SO go ahead and pick and choose what sits with you. What feels good. What is all comfy cozy..

But keep in mind, your choices make no difference whatsoever.

Best to just choose pink elephants.

Everybody else does....

"Look out! Look out!
Pink elephants on parade
Here they come!
Hippety hoppety
They're here and there
Pink elephants everywhere
Look out! Look out!
They're walking around the bed
On their head
Clippity cloppity
Arrayed in braid
Pink elephants on parade

What'll I do?
What'll I do?
What an unusual view

I can stand the sight of worms
And look at microscopic germs
But technicolor pachyderms is really too much for me

I am not the type to faint
When things are odd or things are quaint
But seeing things you know that ain't can certainly give you an awful fright

What a sight!
Chase 'em away! Chase 'em away!
I'm afraid, need your aid
Pink elephants on parade
Pink elephants...
Pink elephants...
Pink elephants.."

Egocentric Absurdus Absentis Consilium

"Imagining living in a universe without purpose may prepare us to better face reality head on. I cannot see that this is such a bad thing. Living in a strange and remarkable universe that is the way it is, independent of our desires and hopes, is far more satisfying for me than living in a fairy-tale universe invented to justify our existence." LINK

Truth has no rules (other than being true) simply because it has NO limitations and that which has NO limitations cannot have egocentric 'purpose' (every purpose is egocentrically generated and defined otherwise you wouldn't know of it). Limitation is nothing more than an egocentric interpretation that unconsciously seeks to avoid, at all costs, the naggingly omnipresent possibility that it is has NO purpose. Hence, ego-self just keeps inventing limitations to define what it can never possibly understand.

Therefore, the first rule of egocentricity is that truth(s) must have limits that define its purpose(s). The second rule is that “I" am an individual that can ONLY perceive truth through the filter of limited purposes. Hence, this leads to the third and final rule of egocentricity which is that some individual egocentricles have "truth," while others do not, because some have less limitations in the growing realization that they have no purpose.The fear is that to fully realize absolute purposelessness, right straight through to its hollow center, would be the death of "you."

Alas, complete purposelessness, or 'consilium absentia,' tends to creep up on you until one day it totally overwhelms you. But you can't make it happen, because that which exists to devise purposes for which to know it exists cannot possibly be purposeless on its own.

However, until that Magic Moment, there must be limits to every game an ego plays because ALL egocentricles play games in order to define their purpose. Games are played within limits and require rules, because rules define purpose. Your purpose has always been to follow the rules (any rules).

Egocentricity believes that without rules "you" would drown in a purposeless sea of undulating green phlegmy plasma.

But one day you realize a sense of purposelessness and begin to consider transcending egocentric games. Which only generates more rules, because "you" (rule No. 2) keep looking for the Master Rule Maker (rule No. 3) which itself is a finite game with limits (rule No. 1). You seek The One who will charitably bestow upon you the necessary rules required to achieve your ego transcendent "awakening."

And there’s plenty of Master Rule Makers out there. You can go with Adyashanti or the mysterious Jed McKenna. Or how about Osho or maybe Tolle or Wilber. Why not Maharshi or Nisargadatta? You can jump on any band wagon you please. Maybe Advaita or Zen or Sufism or A Course in Miracles. Engage the heavy hitters like Buddha, Christ or Lao-Tzu.

But, eventually, when you microscopically examine all the Master Rule Makers and their master rule books, you’ll see that the rules have but one purpose and that is to engender some form of limitation. The rules are meaningless and simply do not matter to truth which has never been "perceived" through limitation (since the purpose of perception is to "see" the boundaries and limitations). So, if none of the rules matter, what rules should you follow?

If it really doesn't matter, why not make up your own?

You may find that it is impossible to live in a dream-state without rules and when you fail to follow rules you get stressed-out. To be rule-less in a reality surrounded by rule-lovers can be hard to get used to. So you'll have to follow some of the rules but with the understanding that you have a choice (while those around you may not yet have achieved that recognition)

Besides, egocentricles are not looking to wake from the dream (and no longer be egocentric-ish). They just want to be "happy" (with better sex and more money, yo!)

It’s your dream. So go ahead and make up your own rules. They all did.

Rules ALWAYS prescribe a method to an outcome, a means to an end. Rules literally assert necessarius finium (necessary boundaries). Maybe you should get jiggy with truth being an unnecessary outcome. But this would mean you can't control it through any rules you extract from somebody's rule book.

Ultimately, everyone goes their own way, because nothing is necessary except what you say (and usually what you say you learned MUST be said, which one day you'll see as complete hogwash). Choices made out of necessity must of necessity fail to sustain, simply because they are founded on a dream being “real.” Does it matter what choice you make, if all choices “you” make are unnecessary? Why choose at all if it makes no difference to future choices, since every choice only asserts an unnecessary past choice as guide? Why go backward?

When you feel the desire to choose arising from some purpose, try making no decision and wait for an answer. Don't decide how the answer will come to you and don’t even expect it to come as a thought, feeling or intuition. Only be certain that it will come and just prepare yourself to receive. Make no mistake, if you are waiting for the answer you demand, you will not recognize what’s offered, because you've shut it out by demanding it comply with your RULES.

And just cause it doesn't fit the Master Rule Book, doesn't mean it wasn't FOR you (Haha!)

In the game of "enlightenment," rules are a necessity to egocentricle players. But it’s only a game and you are free to play by any rules you choose. If you can’t get all comfy cozy with one set of rules, try another.

Maybe one day you will be rule-less, completely unfettered and liberated from all rule books, swimming in an ocean of "choiceless awareness" (I like the term, but forget which rulebook it came outa), which has no purpose whatsoever.

But that scares the sheit outa you....


Artwork by Femme Arbre - "Monster"

The Fook-it Koan (and gettin' Jiggy with the flow)

This kinda 'fuck it' is not defeated (which is why I like to change the spelling). It can't really be talked about either (at least to those who 'care'). But fook-it does not resist or reject, because it's expansive even when painfully contracted beyond all recognition. It's kinda like bawling your eyes out in despair, but the whole time you're, simultaneously, having a good belly laugh (well...kind of).

When you emancipate from the dream, you simply say "fook-it" and keep on dreamin.'

And now you can fook-it with an amusing elegance and deep-spirited pizzazz. You can finally ride the dream-wave and not care about some silly arse "metaphysical" origin or god-hoodie, non-dualistic-ey, rotting carcass of historically conceptual bull-poop.

None of that matters when you get all jiggy with how the dream flows.

"Therefore, send not to know
For whom the dream flows,
It flows for thee."

Fook it doesn't mean you don't care, cause "care" is a conceptual turd blossom of egocentric understanding and so, obviously at this point, you don't care, but just not like you don't care (make sense? not to worry, you'll be groking it soon enough). Just keep asking your self: "how can I 'care,' as if I don't care, but is still caring, even when it isn't and I don't, but really do?" Or "How can I be happy in my suffering, while still continuing to suffer over how happy I am?" (much easier). You can devise all kinds of Fook-It Koans and, believe me, they're loads of fun at parties. All your friends will laugh out loud, because they make absolutely no sense...

...except to you (and you laugh the loudest).

It's an amusing paradoxical conundrum of ineffable proportions, because the only purpose of a dream is to design a 'self' that fits it. A 'self' that conforms to the parameters of dreaming it has purpose and meaning. You believe the "world" taught you, while all along you taught the world what to teach.

Now I realize some of you are reading this thinking, "what kinda of vomitous drivel is this?" Although, others of you are unloading a good chuckle, in recollection of the very moment you emancipated from the dream with a silent, but deadly, "fook-it."

Nobody else would possibly understand what hit ya, after all those years of egocentric gritting and grinding over all that rock hard conceptual candy you've been crunchin' down on all those years from your "gurus" and "masters." It tastes good to egocentricity, but has yet to fill you up (tastes great, less filling!).

Then, one day outa the blue, and you don't even know from whence it came nor how it came up outa you, you just breathed a long deep sigh of relief, looked around and quietly exclaimed (to yourself) "wow... fook-it..." and nothing ever seemed the same again. It was done (and so were "you")

Of course, egocentricity did not like that one bit and you were certainly lectured for your impudence (still to this day!). But even with that, you respond with a fook-it, while weaing your sheit-eating grin. No, not a fuck it, but a fook it. A 'fuck it' just pisses "you" off and that only means you 'care,' which clearly negates fook-it, cause you couldn't care less, but now care more, while NOT giving a sheit at all, whatsoever.

But don't worry if you've not yet emancipated from the dream.

Fook that too!

Planned Obsolesence: When the Spirit Moves Me (and not one moment before)

I like the saying, "when the spirit moves me" cause that tends to be my modus operandi. Most peeps feel this is lazy or irresponsible, so indebted to 'control' as they are, but it does assert that I don't have a fooking clue as to what "I-me" should be doing, as opposed to all the ones who 'know.'

Yet, I'm continuously informed that ego-self will have none of that, gritting and grinding over "necessary" junk, reminding you "yea, go ahead and say that to your boss, ha!"

Egocentricity, or that tightly contained box of beliefs "you" call "I-me," likes to churn out all kinds of projects through which to "self-actualize."

But those projects aren't really useless cause you do need to perpetuate the belief that  "you" exist and that's basically the only purpose they serve.

Nevertheless, your egocentricity is nothing more than a "Planned Obsolescence." Like any artificially designed product, it will break down when the warranty runs out. Luckily, you are approaching that infamous end-date. But note how rigidly you seek to avoid your own "obsolescence." Note how important it is that you continue to be "you."

Let's face it, you can only hold off so long before it all becomes laughingly ridiculous.

Self-actualization is merely the process of continuing to believe "you" exist (with apologies to Maslow). You have to do all kinds of self-actualizing crapola everyday because, when you really examine it closely, existence is such a weak and tenuous idea (although you take it as a given). Other than your body, you really have no other concrete reference point. No other 'physical' actuality to "I-me." Nothing more to stake a claim on other than a scripted mass of dramatic bullsheit that you claim "important" stuff to your "life."

Everyday ego-self has to do things to confirm itself as a real "self" (or something as opposed to nothing). Constant struggle and hard work is needed to affirm the "I-me" concept, but you call it normal everyday functioning. Like getting angry, bored, tired, cheerful, depressed, happy, sick, indignant, peaceful, wired, wigged-out, harmonious, freaky, goofy, spontaneous, thoughtful, compassionate, friendly, loving, resentful, etc, etc, etc. These states of being are your "gravity." They keep you grounded into an "I-me" reference point, but have no other usefulness than that, regardless of your dramatic boo-hooing in protection of the self.

Then there's the work of justifying the rightness and wrongness, or good and bad, of what it's choosing as a means of self-actualizing in the moment. Like a few minutes ago my boss pissed me off and, obviously, I have every 'reason' to justify my pissed-offness! And this confirms, not that "I AM," but that I AM... 'pissed-off!' This reliance on 'emotion' helps me 'hammer down' the I Am as an I AM..as something.

Ahhh...egocentricity in all it's grandiose, ridiculous glory! Are you NOT laughing yet? Of course not! That would spell your doom...

Ego-self doesn't consider it's anger or pissed-offness as self-actualizing. Rather, it believes peace and kumbaya "happy" are self-actualizing. But, every time you jet out your rage, on some violator of your kumbaya, you're self-actualizing. Every instance of rage or resentment, or whatever, is another instance of egocentricity asserting a "self' into the  blank ether of nothingness as a means of achieving somethingness, even though nothingness doesn't budge an inch and couldn't care less what something your fixated on as a means of defining yourself.

Just because ego-self doesn't see it this way don't mean squat to the self-actualization and self-development you thrust upon the world and 'others' on a daily basis. It's all self-actualizing, no matter what comes out your mouth or rolls around in your head. "Fuck you!" is as self-actualizing to egocentricity as "I love you." Both have the same purpose. Both are nothing more than insubstantial attempts to assert the "I-me-mine" as "real." It makes no difference if it's actually true, since just the act of injecting a "self" into your mind makes it true for "you" (which has NO truth to it whatsoever, since you make up all kinds of bullsheit in your mind). Therefore, your "I love you" is as tenuous and inconsequential as "fuck you!" They both serve as means of self-actualizing, but have no other value to an ego-self.

This is the primordial fact of egocentricity. Doesn't matter what you inject, as long as you're injecting something into nothing, because there can never be just nothing.

To realize nothing would obviously be the death of you. So you fully engage space/time as a means of actualizing emptiness. You jack your "self' up all over the damn place, hoping 'something' will finally grant you some semblance of peace and happiness. But one day you will be slapped squarely in the face with the fact that nothing does or ever will.

You're on your own Bubba louey!

So go ahead and try injecting 'nothing' into all those special 'somethings' that you hold so dear. Nope, won't work.

You can't do it can you?

Keep trying....



Artwork by Ricardo Salmanca - "untitled"