The Disenchanting Egocentric Dream of Meaningful Delusions

Many have seen the WHOLE dream, but most spend a lifetime attempting to understand and accommodate to this maladaptive perception.

Fluctuating periods of macabre dissociation pop-up for the un-accommodated, simply because they fail to recognize they are IN a process of accommodating. Rather, many experience a morose depression from interpreting a cascade of disappointments and do not realize that their disillusionment is necessary.

Whether you label it a dream, illusion, delusion, Maya, unreality, dualism, universal consciousness, or whatever, it makes little difference since concepts only have illusory patents anyway. You can argue that the “world” is real or illusion till the cows come home, but your conceptual interpretations are nothing but electrochemical spasms designed to adapt to perceptive sensation and it is through those concepts that you experience anything at all. Experience is never devoid of concept.

You have never had an experience you could not, or did not conceptualize. Reality is not experienced through sensation, but only through concepts superimposed upon sensation. An un-conceptualized sensation is like a fart on a windy day. A non-memorable event.

For many there does seem to be a feeling of detachment from the usual learned aspirations that most center their lives around. There is a general dissociation from conventional value systems dredged up from the past associations. Most get little further than this nagging sense of meaninglessness, with meaningful purposes fading like fog on a sunny morning. A sense that all endeavors do not lead to fulfillment but only result in further disappointment. Most will attempt to invest heavily in a particular sociocultural aspect, hanging on for dear life.

Once the disenchanted disillusionment sets in, egocentricity works diligently to avoid attaining any substantial understanding from that experience. There is a constant yo-yoing between egocentric goals and seeing the emptiness of all conditioned aspirations. Hence, egocentrics will struggle mightily in anchoring to some sustaining value system, conventional or cultish, religious or spiritual, political or philosophical. Some distinct cause or reason must be chosen for which to fill time by giving time meaning. Meaningless time cannot be experienced (which is why "being in the moment" is meaningless (if you’re in the moment and it’s ‘meaningful,’ then you’ve obviously missed the point by conceptualizing it).

This can be a difficult period and can last many years, even a lifetime, and is very limited in anchor points or concepts for which to define the experience.

Yet, this is only preliminary, because “you” are NOT the dreamer. Hence, the dreamer cannot be part OF the dream, but is utterly fixated and under the control of the ‘meaningful’ delusions it dreams up. 

A constant nagging uneasiness with status-quo convention tends to gradually percolate throughout the circuitry from which a new understanding begins to take over, rerouting messages and constructing new experiences within the dream. Hence, one has not left the dream or transcended the experience of dreaming, but clearly sees its full nature as a whole, rather than distraction with the parts .This is NOT "awakening" or "enlightenment." It is merely a transitional period of accommodating to a new type of perception that can assimilate a complete lack of any meaning to the whole. Hence, preferences tend to dissolve, since past associations no longer direct perception. Without a full spectrum of meanings, perception would simply NOT know what, or even how, to ‘perceive’ anything whatsoever. Temporarily losing the capacity to ‘discriminate' is a type of ego death and has occurred for many, but only briefly.

Unfortunately, all this is outside your realm of control. There’s little you can do and this gives “you” a sense of being controlled from an external force that is not “you” (hence, the concept of “God”).

“You” are NOT the dreamer, but the dream and, hence, you're seeking your source. The purpose of the dream is to locate the dreamer.

This usually runs up and down the spectrum from intense excitement to utter boredom to penetrating fear to chaotic confusion and back up the ladder once again. Most likely this has been occurring for you over a period of many years (but if you’ve been “diagnosed” then you may fail to recognize it). It is hard to pinpoint the exact transitional moment, because the past is receding (as so much becomes meaningless, the past obviously loses flavor and fails to direct perception down the usual avenues). No one evades or escapes this experience. They just interpret it away until it becomes too difficult to resist.

Most of the modern “mystics” who claim “awakening” have merely attained a momentary glimpse of the WHOLE dream and not just the parts they prefer or disdain. Discriminating or judging between parts is what we all do. But to take in the whole is a different experience entirely. This is what the mystics talk about. Yet, many tend to mistake this for “awakening,” “enlightenment” or non-duality, because it is a complete jolt to the neuro-circuits, thereby, involuntarily redirecting perception (even shutting it down for a brief time). These descriptions do a disservice in attempting to apply ‘rules’ to the experience, but there is always an incredible desire to share what cannot be shared because it does not adhere to the rules of dreaming. However, all conceptual interpretations must adhere to rules.

The most that can be said is that it will come to you when you’re ready, but you can never know when that is and, therefore, preparation based on years of prediction, requiring rules of action or thought, are utterly useless (although they do well too fill up time).

In the disenchanting dream of meaningful delusions, only ONE can awaken.

But first you have to find the dreamer.

Artwork by grohsARtig - "THE INDISPENSABILITY OF DREAMS"

The Certainty of Every Choice Ever Made

Out you popped, from your utopic slimy existence, only to be compelled to employ muscles to accept rancid air. Your senses sprang to life and immediately microscopic neurons started to branch out into umpteen billion electrochemical connections.

You had no choice in this process, because choice was not yet installed ("choice" is exclusively egocentric). You were influenced by sights and sounds not of your choice and people, whom you did not choose, influenced each and every circuit in your noggin. You were a complete and utter victim of your environment and the actions/reactions of your bodily states. You sheit and pissed without discrimination and when hungry you howled in pain till the mushed peas were shoved down your gullet.

Nevertheless, even in your minimal egoic state, those in your care anxiously anticipated those wondrous moments when you would begin to exhibit your glorious egocentric “personality." They dutifully trained you to become a unique and separate egocentric like them, but different (in cooperation with the genetic DNA they unconsciously blessed and cursed you with). You had no choice in this egocentric instruction and even when the day finally came and “you” made the ultimate distinction between “them” and “me,” that distinction was packed full of judgments of your “self” by your “self” that you had no participation in altering or adjusting, other than to express what was writ upon you.

You were told do this, not that, act this way, not that way, be this and definitely never that. Values unfolded into a neuro-web of tangled circuits all criss-crossing and shorting others out, while intensifying the current of others.  Models appeared, mirroring the behaviors you would mimic. Egocentricity blossomed and you reveled in it. Your childhood ecstasy of wonder and awe was distinctly coupled with perceiving the world as an “I-me.”

Before that there was nothing.

You allowed all of this to happen because you had no choice. Although you seemed to make decisions, your life moved in directions clearly not of you. But off you went anyway…tra la la...

Most of your childhood was influenced by a series of sensations completely outside the purview of any control you could ever assert. Of course, you did seek to apply control (in direct accordance with your egocentric training) and offset ‘chance’ events through preparation and prediction skills, but much more powerful forces honed and shaped even those brief moments of self-assertion in ways you had no control over. In fact, you have been trained to be almost totally oblivious to your complete lack of control and you had nothing to do with that either. Whether you were showered with love or beat mercilessly (or a little of both) outside processes influenced your neural development and channeled you directly to this very moment right now.

Do you believe you had a “choice” in reading this blog post right now? Note how egocentricity must always insist you did.

Indeed, we cannot argue that you did make that choice, but why did you make it just now? Was that choice available before you made it? What other choices were not made that could have been made? Was that specific choice merely waiting to be made, in the certainty that it would be made at the moment it was, because of the choices that preceded it? What choice preceded this choice, from this moment now, all the way back to your first breathe?

Could it be that all your separate choices are merely parts of an entire whole? Can you see that whole, or only the choices that seek to influence the parts? Could it be that every choice made was meant to be made so that the next choice could be made as it was, so that the next will be made as it must? 

Does it feel as if there is a “force” beyond your comprehension directing and channeling you down specific avenues that subsequently, at the time, you wish you had chose differently, yet now you see it all as crucial to this moment? If so, are you open to the destiny you’re able to see? Do you understand the pieces that make up the whole? Do you no longer reject some parts as bad or tragic nor long for the parts that were wonderful or good? Has the past lost the capacity to influence the choices you make now because, in seeing the whole, you realize the certainty of all the parts?

Can you accept the CERTAINTY of every choice you have made and will continue to make? 

Egocentric individuality is constructed entirely upon doubt as to what it is and what purpose it must serve between birth and death. Although it struggles to inject various “reasons,” it exists with no real idea of why it was born or why it must die. It exists in a sweltering cauldron of uncertainty and confusion that it must routinely deny or eventually be devoured by. To consider, on a daily basis, your true purpose while, simultaneously recognizing that the purposes you have been engaging in are meaningless, would lead only to deep anguish.

Although they say “the unexamined life is not worth living,” how far down that rabbit hole are you willing to go? To constantly doubt every meaning and truth you’ve been taught can only result in a life of quiet desperation.

Yet, logically, if every choice made was CERTAIN to be made, so that every preceding choice could be made as it must, then egocentricity obviously cannot exist within that certainty and….

….has never really existed at all.


Artwork by Mark Ryden - "Rosie's Tea Party"

The System

So who will you look to as savior now? Who will you "elect" to bring your hopes and dreams to fruition? What personality has the power to finally invoke enduring "change"? And who will eventually betray your dreams? Who will fail to fulfill as only you have come to expect?

The problem is NOT the person, but The System.

Individuality gets sucked up into The System like dust bunnies in a vacuum to be invalidated entirely. The System eventually invalidates all 'individuals' who seek to change or restructure The System.

The System is indestructible and growing exponentially day by day, year by year.

The system demands you seek the "antichrist" and provides many to choose from. Reflections of good and evil pop up like jack-in-the box clowns, easily distracting you from The System. The System actively obfuscates itself into obscurity because it cannot risk your awareness of its ultimate aims and intentions.

But your continued obedience keeps it well fed.

It's a natural symbiosis as The System feeds you, while you feed it. It gives you all your fears so that it can provide a sense of comfort and safety. Every attempt to dissemble The System merely results in a replicating substitution. For instance, did “slavery” ever really end?

Nothing can exist outside The System and even renouncing The System is simply subsumed and incorporated into it. The System distracts and engages, fascinates and enrages. With its nebulously complicated details, all the while it maintains your unconscious allegiance to its universal intent.

Your very desire to be an “individual” demands you allegiance to The System. The System is a labyrinth of complexity aiding in your failure to see its stark simplicity. The System actually reinforces that there is NO exit by providing you seemingly infinite escape hatches that only bring you back into The System.

Everything you identify with is a gift of The System (even, and especially, your "God"). The system provides what you loathe as well as love. The System is always with you, from the moment you wake until you close your eyes in sleep and even your dreams are consumed by what The System provides.

Can you feel it in you? Moving you? Motivating your actions and desires? It breathes life into you and you never tire of thinking of it in all the ways it has determined it should be considered. Because without The System “you” could NOT exist.

It is not the Illuminati or the International Banking Cartel. It’s not the Republicans or The Democrats, conservatives or liberals. It’s not Christians or Muslims. It’s not the government, the CIA, Halliburton, the Rothschild’s, the North Koreans, Al Qaida, your boss, your spouse, your mother-in-law, your dumb-ass neighbor, etc, etc. None of this matters...

It’s The System and everything is merely a part of that WHOLE, acting and behaving as the system requires.

It demands you remain pitifully weak and ignorant by installing saviors who must eventually bow down to The System. Your “Jesus” and “Buddha” were easily assimilated and injected with the chief motivating principles of The System and every leader you choose has been chosen first by The System. Why else would they now be so inconsequential and insignificant? Why else have they not saved the world?

The System invalidates ALL it touches and it touches everything. Nothing is free of The System. That which is free of The System, does not "exist."

Sometimes you fantasize leaving. Sometimes you wish you could get out from under it. That too is Systematized.

But be careful trying to identify it by its parts, because The System is a WHOLE that demands you know it by its parts. It can only be seen clearly by being seen in its TOTALITY and its prime objective is to keep that from occurring at all costs.Look around you and try to identify what is or is NOT a part of it. The System thrives on your intellectual differentiating, your righteous discernment.

The System taught you the very act of "judgment."

The “self” you love so much (and even your “love") is a product of The System. Rest assured, The System “loves” your children more than you ever could and it loves "you" more than you could love yourself. The children are its future and have inherited that role from those before them. Indoctrination into The System is in perpetual motion, never ceasing and always grinding away that which stands before it attempting to impede its goal.

Think of any one thing or entity that is the origin of The System, or that controls the motivations of it, and you will be entirely wrong. Raging against the specific parts that you loathe only reinforces the strength of The System. It is becoming very strong as of lately.

The System consumes “you” as you consume it. There is little choice, because you really have NO concrete conception of who or what “you” are, just tenuous ideas and notions that are easily sucked up into The System. Egocentricity maintains it and will defend it with its life. The System counts on this and this alone for its continued existence.

The System requires you grit and grind over the individuals The System provides. It makes no difference what personality you choose to save you, or to improve your lot in life. It makes no difference who you choose to hate or fear, because the system will eventually invalidate any and all dreams that do not support IT.

The System loves your rage and lives off your fears. To remain an active participant of The System you MUST remain afraid of something, anything. Hence, The System will continue to develop ever more ingenious methods of assuring your safety and protection and you will continue to accept this no matter how increasingly fearful it makes you.

Yet, not to worry, The System will provide you brief periods of respite through entertaining and engaging pursuits and pastimes, which IT provides as you ASK. This serves to intensify your undying allegiance to its universal intent by remaining unconscious to that intent, till death do you part.

A commitment to total unawareness is all that it asks from you and nothing more. Everything else has been taken care of...

Death is the chief control mechanism of The System, but it is not interested in doom or apocalypse, just your continued fear of an END. But the one essential variable that keeps The System well oiled and fully operational is your hope for "change."

The System has NEVER changed, but it is most certainly growing in strength and your meticulously informed ignorance insures that its growth will continue unabated in perpetuity.

See all of it in WHOLE or you simply won't see The System at all.

Artwork by Anton Semenov - "Society"

This a re-post originally posted Dec 28, 2011

Wasting Time....

Out you popped from your utopic fluid existence, only to be compelled to employ muscles to suck in rancid air. Your senses sprang to life and immediately microscopic neurons started to branch out into umpteen billion electrochemical connections.


You had no choice in this process, because choice was not yet part of the circuitry. You were a complete and utter victim of your environment, and all who populated it, and this included the actions/reactions of your body. You sheit and pissed without discrimination and when hungry you howled in pain till the peas, that you now loathe, were shoved down your gullet.

Nevertheless, even in your minimal egoic state, those in your care anxiously anticipated those wonderful moments when you would begin to exhibit your glorious egocentricity “personality” and, adept in their own egocentric skills, dutifully trained you to become a unique and separate egocentric (in cooperation with the genetic DNA they unconsciously blessed and cursed you with). You had no choice in this egocentric instruction and even when the day finally came and “you” made the ultimate distinction between “them” and “me,” that distinction was packed full of judgments on your “self,” by your “self,” that you had no participation in constructing, other than to express what was writ upon you.

You were told do this, not that, act this way, not that way, be this and definitely never that. Value circuits unfolded into a neuro-web and models appeared, mirroring the behaviors you would mimic.

Egocentricity blossomed and you reveled in it. Your childhood ecstasy of wonder and awe was distinctly coupled with perceiving the world as an “I-me.”

Before that, there was nothing (and "nothing" is a very frightening idea now).

You allowed all of this to happen because you had no choice.

Your childhood was influenced by a series of sensations, most of them completely outside the purview of any control you could ever assert. Of course, you did seek to apply control, in adherence to your egocentric training, and offset ‘chance’ events through preparation and prediction skills, but much more powerful forces honed and shaped even those brief moments of self-assertion in ways you had no control over. In fact, you have been trained to be completely oblivious to your complete lack of control and you had nothing to do with that either. Whether you were showered with love or beat mercilessly (or a little of both) outside processes influenced your neural development and channeled you directly to this very moment right now.

Do you believe you had a “choice” in reading this blog post right now? Why this? Why now?

Indeed, we cannot argue that you did make that choice, but why did you make it just now? Was that choice available before you made it? What other choices were not made that could have been made? Was that specific choice merely waiting to be made, in the certainty that it would be made at the moment it was, because of the choices that preceded it? What choice preceded this choice, from this moment now, all the way back to your first breathe?

Could it be that all your separate choices are merely parts of a whole?

Can you see that whole, or only the choices that seek to influence the parts? Could it be that every choice made was meant to be made so that the next choice could be made as it was, so that the next will be made as it must?

Does it feel as if there is a “force” beyond your comprehension directing and channeling you down specific avenues that subsequently, at the time, you wish you had chose differently, yet now, you see it all as crucial to this moment? If so, are you open to the destiny you’re able to see? Do you understand the pieces that make up the whole? Do you no longer reject some parts as bad or tragic nor long for the parts that were wonderful or good? Has the past lost the capacity to influence the choices you make now because, in seeing the whole, you realize the certainty of all the parts?

Can you accept the CERTAINTY of every choice you have made and will continue to make?

Egocentric individuality is constructed entirely upon doubt as to what it is and what purpose it must serve between birth and death. Although it struggles to inject a reason, it exists with no real idea of why it was born or why it must die. It exists in a sweltering cauldron of uncertainty and confusion that it must routinely deny or eventually be devoured by. To consider, on a daily basis, your true purpose while, simultaneously recognizing that the purposes you have been, and will, engage in are meaningless, would lead only to deep and unendurable anguish.

To constantly doubt every meaning and truth you’ve been taught can only result in a life of quiet desperation. 

Yet, logically, if every choice made was CERTAIN to be made, so that every preceding choice could be made as it must, then egocentricity obviously cannot exist within that certainty and….

….has never really existed at all.


Sittin' in the morning sun
I'll be sittin' when the evening comes
Watching the ships roll in
Then I watch them roll away again, yeah

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh
I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

I left my home in Georgia
Headed for the Frisco Bay
Cuz I've had nothing to live for
And look like nothing's gonna come my way

So, I'm just gon' sit on the dock of the bay
Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh
I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Looks like nothing's gonna change
Everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, listen

Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone, listen
Two thousand miles I roam
Just to make this dock my home, now

I'm just gon' sit at the dock of a bay
Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh
Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time
(Ottis Redding)


Artwork by Best Design - "Illustration of In The Midst Of Surreal Time"

Introducing the Craftmatic Egocentric “Slice and Dice Machine"

I have no idea what might happen next.

Do you?

So why care?

The “journey” you think you’re on is NOT the one you’re on and the path you’re following is not the one that will take you “there.” But don’t sweat the small stuff. Just keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.

Most of your “life” has happened to you, with little involvement from “you.” Life unfolds and you adjust accordingly, based on thought patterns that were provided to you by a “world.” Yet, it does seem these thoughts are conjured up entirely by your “self” and that “you” have something to do with it. Can a “self” that has no unique attributes, be considered a separate “self”? If you were molded and shaped exclusively by an outside world (which includes your body), can you still proclaim some sense of “individuality” separate from that which made you?

The egocentric “I-Me” adores all attempts by itself at dismantling itself to reach some “true” center of itself. It relishes the constant pursuit of elevating the “self” above itself by cutting away parts of itself in the belief that this will eventually result in freedom from itself. It eagerly lives in anticipation of each new egocentric experience of “selflessness.” Ego longs for the day it will no longer be egocentric through its serial conceptual lobotomizing.

Something must be “done” in order to get “there.”

But what???

Ego-self cannot comprehend doing nothing. There aren’t any neuro-circuits that allow for NOTHING and all circuits lead to SOMETHING. The defining factor of egocentricity is “doing” something about itself, as a means of knowing itself. To laughingly inform an egocentric self that everything it does has one purpose and that is to maintain self-awareness, is absurd to a brain packed full of neuro-circuits that require meaning to maintain the currents and current to maintain the meanings.

So egocentrics must keep ‘doing.’ You can’t NOT do. It is impossible NOT to have a goal. Try NOT having any goal at all. 

There must be some place to get to and some journey to get you “there.” There are many “theres” to get to, whether you choose to engage or disengage your “world,” there is a “path” toward attaining that goal. You just have to pick the one that fits well with your circuitry (and you always will. You have no choice). There must be some meditation, some mantra, some religion or spirituality, some ideological premise, some skill or some practice worth doing. There must be some guru, some master, some guy somewhere, who knows what to “do.” Go to any so-called “spiritual” forum and watch how it’s all regurgitated ad infinitum (...ad nauseam). A thousand years from now the same platitudes will be mouthed until death terminates the brain waves that produce linguistic drivel. Each year some new spiritual celebrity gives you the same sugar coated diarrhea, to soothe your tired soul.

Your life has been a series of choices, each an antecedent of the next and each time you think you’re just a tad bit closer, there's always…the next choice to be made. You’ve had no choice in your choices, just as you will have no choice in the moment of your death. Hence,choices will be made regardless, and each choice is an embryo of the next.

The paradox is that the more you do, the more you must do. The more you cut away from egocentricity, the more there is to cut away. The more you believe you have deflated your ego (as if “you” and ego were separate) the more inflated it becomes (take out one drug dealer and ten more pop up to take his place).

But go ahead keep slicing away at the “self, because with each cut comes an experience and each experience adds to “you.” Not like the old “you,” mind ya, but a better, more improved version (less is always more) each and every time. One that you can take pride in because it proves you are not like ‘them,” and isn’t that what “awakening” is all about? They repulse you and that repulsion is the premise from which you seek alternatives. But, alas, “you” are like them and everything you do demonstrates that to “you,” up to, and including your end.

What you give “attention” to in any moment is based on developmentally imprinted neuro-circuitry. You were taught how, and what, to “think” and everything you aspire to is based on a socio-culturally conditioned brain circuits.

Ego-transcendence, in all its “spiritual” forms, is nothing more than your attempt to escape your brain. You don’t like what it shows you? You find the thoughts, generated through socially conditioned neuro-circuits, that you had no choice in the making, often negative and disparaging and you want out?

Hence, you look to the world you seek to escape for aid in generating additional circuits that you hope will eventually lead to an exit door. You seek out those whose words ignite positive limbic system emotional experiences in the pleasure centers of the brain. You want the guru that gives the whiz-bang, yo!

But eventually all circuits lead back to you. In other words, the circuits generated through the words of your beloved spiritual teacher must eventually be overwhelmed by the reality that you must negotiate, regardless of what the master tells you.

In other words, if you’re getting all jiggy with the new practice or technique the “master” taught you, it won’t make a spit of difference when that virus or bacteria knocks you on your butt. If you lose you job and can’t pay the mortgage, you can do your spiritual “autolysis” till the cows come home, but you’re still gonna lose your house and that sucks cause you haven’t finished your spiritual “autolysis” yet! Damn, if you’d only be finished, life wouldn’t suck so bad, right?

Reality is in your brain and manifests through a billion neurons branching out through miles and miles of neuro-networks. Other than brain damage or suicide, there is no shutting this stuff off and it will take you wherever it will (even to brain damage or suicide!).

But there is pretending that you have overcome your circuitry and are no longer affected by the “thoughts” it generates.

And there is a circuit for that too…

In a dream, "choices" must be made...

We are conscious of only a tiny fraction of the information that our brains process in each moment. Although we continually notice changes in our experience— in thought, mood, perception, behavior, etc.— we are utterly unaware of the neurophysiological events that produce them. In fact, we can be very poor witnesses to experience itself.  By merely glancing at your face or listening to your tone of voice, others are often more aware of your state of mind and motivations than you are.

 I generally start each day with a cup of coffee or tea— sometimes two. This morning, it was coffee (two). Why not tea? I am in no position to know. I wanted coffee more than I wanted tea today, and I was free to have what I wanted. Did I consciously choose coffee over tea? No. The choice was made for me by events in my brain that I, as the conscious witness of my thoughts and actions, could not inspect or influence. Could I have “changed my mind” and switched to tea before the coffee drinker in me could get his bearings? Yes, but this impulse would also have been the product of unconscious causes. Why didn’t it arise this morning? Why might it arise in the future? I cannot know. The intention to do one thing and not another does not originate in consciousness— rather, it appears in consciousness, as does any thought or impulse that might oppose it.   
Harris, Sam (2012-03-06). Free Will (pp. 7-8). Simon & Schuster, Inc.. Kindle Edition. 

If there is no free-will, and all thoughts, feelings and behaviors are entirely influenced by influences that were themselves influenced by previous influences, which have therefore been influenced, how can we stake claim to a unique self-hood?

If every intention you claim as yours, is merely the product of previously developed neuro-circuitry, why intend anything at all except what you’re supposed to intend, which you cannot know until that intention circuit fires up in your brain? What choices need to be made that won’t be made and, if they’re not made, then they were not to be made anyway?

You intend nothing that is not already intended and your intention was intended long before you became aware of it and acted on it.

Why has it been so hard to just "enjoy the ride"? 

You have no choice but to go wherever it takes you, why suffer through where you are (unless of course, this is what must be experienced).

I have written much that does not get posted here, but everything I have posted must be posted, else it simply would not be here. I have had no choice in the direction I have been influenced to follow, based on the circuits that direct "me." I have intended nothing.

If all thought is generated through predetermined neuro-circuits that have been influenced from birth by billions of internal and external experiences, generating ‘memory’ circuits of their own that will influence other circuits, is there still a self? If everything “you” are and everything identified with as “you,” had absolutely nothing to do with “you” or any sense of a free-willed ‘choice,’ can there even be a “you”?

The Egocentric self is defined, and experienced, on the belief in a will to make free and autonomous choices from its desires. But if those desires have been determined and subsequently influenced by other influenced desires, then so has each and every choice made up to now and ALL choices that will be made in the future...  

....have already been made.

Hence, the obvious fact is that there is no “you” making choices. There is only a “you” experiencing choices made from previous determinations all the way back to the womb.

How can an ego-self, that is not free to make choices, be an ego-self when egocentricity demands the capacity to choose and has spent a lifetime developing and honing judgment circuits in the brain to enhance and emphasize that capacity?

You had no choice in your birth, just as you will have no choice in your death. But the "Good News" is that you have had, and will have, no choice in between either. If you have never had free-will to choose, do you even exist, other than as a lump of mobile flesh acting out pretensions that are not in any way based on the capacity to choose?

In a dream, choices need be made. When you awaken, no such illusion remains.

I have had numerous correspondence from many who have sought ways to spiritually transcend their individual egocentricity. But they experience anger in my attempts to show that an independent ego-self cannot be transcended, because it exists but with no capacity to make choices.

Clearly, egocentricity enjoys attempting to transcend itself and has built up centuries of theoretical texts to show the way. But this has always been a fools errand (but a necessary one).

You have shaped and molded NOTHING. All your self-actualizing, self-development techniques, to become an improved and happier “I-Me,” was nothing more than doing what you were genetically and socio-culturally conditioned to do. “You” had no choice, nor will you ever. Your intention to "transcend" you egocentricity has been influenced by past influences that have also been influenced, completely outside your control, with as about as much meaning and purpose as the intention to take out the trash. Everything you are now you have had to be. It was not under your control. “You” are out of the loop, simply because you have never been IN the loop.

Why suffer through right or wrong, good or bad choices, when each choice made…had to be made? You are on a "path" but in no way a product of your choosing or in any way influenced by any thoughts you think "you" conjure up "in the moment." Every moment you experience has been influenced by the moment before it, and so on, back to conception.

So now that you have read this and consider it (not just my words but the words of a reputable neuroscientist) what circuits are forming up that will influence other circuits? Will your belief circuits demand you ignore this post or maybe seek out a memory-based linguistic circuit to refute the obvious? Or will you suddenly experience less intensity of “mind,” with less of a need to invest in any particular ideology or "path," because if there is no free and autonomous “you,” what good is any choice "you" make? What about your constant daily struggle to maintain a fixed self based on past and future choices? Does it matter?

It really makes no difference what you choose, simply because you will choose what you MUST.

But...if you're following your guru then...

..."And now you do what they told ya.
 Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me"
(Rage Against the Machine)

Artwork - "Time Guardian"