CONVERSATIONS WITH EGO: You're Awakened, Dammit!

ego: Well Mike, I think it’s time we announce to the world that we're finally “awakened”!

Mike: Why would “we” do that, when obviously I'm NOT awakened?

ego: How do you know you’re NOT? If I say you are, shouldn’t that be enough? Just look at all the bloggers who say they are "awakened." Besides, I think we’ve had some really great ‘insights’ in the past several years. Doesn’t that count?

Mike: Yea, but that’s not “awakening.”

ego: Who says?

Mike: Uh…well…the “awakened masters,” I suppose.

ego: How do you know they’re "awakened"? Because they said so and everybody agrees with them? Or maybe their ego simply told them so.

Mike: Well…they were wise and they taught important insights. They also taught that to awaken we must transcend the ego.

ego: And what difference did all that make? Are we really any better off because of what they’ve said? I think it’s time you just admit to the world that you're “awakened” and that you are now an “enlightened” dude, like all the others.

Mike: But that would be a lie!

ego: Why? Why isn’t it true? Because you haven’t joined the Bodhisattva Breakfast club? Because you don’t call yourself a “non-dualist”? Because you have no practices? Because you don’t meditate for days on end or go to retreats or read the “Great Book”? Is that what “awakening” requires?

Mike: Yes…I mean no! Obviously, that stuff 's NOT at all necessary to be awakened. But you just can’t announce to the world that you’re awakened, without having followed the prescribed methods of awakening. Nobody would believe you!

ego: Oh, I get it! To be awakened, means your awakening must be “certified.” Why can’t you just accept that you’re awakened?

Mike: The fact is that I don’t feel awakened!

ego: Mike, if I say you’re hungry, you feel hungry and you eat and if I say you’re horny you certainly feel that, too and we don’t argue about that either. So if I say you’re “awakened” then, dammit, you’re awakened! So why aren’t you feeling what I tell you to feel? Because they’ve talked you out of it? Because you haven’t followed the prescribed plan? Because nobody else believes you? What exactly is “awakening” supposed to feel like, anyway?

Mike: It’s supposed to be like…divine bliss.

ego: What the hell is “divine bliss”?

Mike: Uh...I’m not sure…but that’s because I have gotten it yet. I suppose it’s kinda like, really, really happy.

ego: Well, aren’t you “really, really happy”?

Mike: Uh…no, I don’t think so.

ego: But if I say you are, then shouldn’t you be? You have followed my advice your whole life and now you decide that I’m not good enough, even though I’m the one arguing FOR your being “awakened” and being “really, really happy”!

Mike: But you’re not supposed to be involved in my awakening! You are what I’m awakening FROM, simply because you are the reason I'm NOT awakened..

ego: So let me get this straight. You’re trying to awaken to a “divine bliss” that does not include me, but when I tell you that you have it, you refuse to accept my judgment, even though it’s the goal you want to achieve? How’re you gonna know that you’re awakened if you refuse to accept what I tell you? “Who” will inform you of this, if not me?

Mike : I don’t know. All I know is that it can’t be you.

ego: But Mike, who do you think informs you that the awakened master IS “awakened”? Who advised you to study the non-dualists? Who is it that drops your butt on the cushion to meditate? You accepted my advice then, but when I tell you that you ARE an “awakened master” you refuse to accept it.

Mike: Because I’m not an awakened master!!

ego: (sigh) Okay, suit yourself. If you want to be an ordinary, ignorant nobody like all those other seekers, you go right ahead. But just look at all the fun we could be having as an “awakened master.” As far as I’m concerned we're awakened!

Mike: You’ve got to do it right or it just won’t count.

ego: Oh great! Now I’ve got years of self-denying sacrifice to look forward to before we die. Gee thanks!

Mike: It’s for your own good.