Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Curse of Egocentric “Care”

It is impossible to understand TRUTH while continuing to maintain goals for your world. The mind does not cease from making the dream ”real.” The “world” unravels within you even when you believe your thoughts are insubstantial and have NO effect. Seeking to quiet the mind through meditation, while still attached to the chief substance of your “reality,” only reinforces sacrifice and sacrifice must always entail suffering because you believe you will LOSE.

Deprivation is the substance that makes up the dream and deprivation can only enlist the fear that demands CONTROL.

When your “care” for another is a direct product of fear, it serves only to magnify that which spawned it. Fear always seeks to CONTROL what it “cares” for and your constant vigilance toward controlling your world is utterly exhausting you.

When egocentricity seeks to apply control to its experiences, this informs the mind that the threat of LOSS is “real,” insuring the result will be experienced as you ask and LOSS will be real, but only in your mind.

What you ask for, you always receive. Make no mistake, what you CONTROL, as a result of “care,” you will LOSE, because you have insured this FACT by the very nature of your control. This is exactly how the “world” you experience is constructed. It makes no difference if the world is real or illusion. The ‘experience’ is always a conceptual construct encountered only in your mind and no where else "in the world."

Seeking to CONTROL the concepts of experience, demands victimization to the experience itself. You are ruled by concepts, but the concepts you made up.

If you are not increased by a “desire,” know that you have limited yourself by applying conditions that only inhibit freedom. You know very well the feelings that come from fear. But you have no experience of the joy inherent to the complete absence of fear. As long as you seek to control your fears, your fears can only multiply.

What in your life do you NOT seek to control?

Fear and control are in DIRECT relationship with one another. There is NEVER the one without the other. The more fear you experience, the more control you apply and the more control applied the more fear must naturally increase. You cannot break this cycle by addressing FEAR, simply because you fear everything (apparent by all your attempts at control). But you can give up control. Until fear is banished from your mind, choices must be made to control the dream from within it.

Controlling your inner experiences from outside the mind, merely asserts the experience’s control of YOU. 

There has never been a moment from which you corresponded with your world completely absent fear and you struggle to let go of control because your fear makes it necessary. In the dream of “you,” nothing is made to last. Even that which makes you “happy” is rigidly encased in the fear of dissolution and deprivation. Therefore, surrendering control is tantamount to “death,” because you equate “life” with ever greater control of your experience of a “world.”

Control demands ‘meaning,’ since you care not for what is meaningless. Hence, everything MUST have a meaning and from that meaning an experience of a "world" unfolds within you and you seek to control that experience.

How else do you define your “happiness” if not the complete control of your environment and everyone in it? You demand the “world” conform to your expectations and concepts. Those you care for must attempt to conform to your expectations else you will extract your “care” in an attempt to make them meaningless. But a meaningless void can NOT be and so you simply change the meaning from love to hate. You invent concepts to rationalize exclusion and banishment.

But the experience is IN you and never leaves you. Hence, you always abandon only your "self."

Those you claim to love become victims of your control, just as you become victim to them in a symbiotic state of mutual victimization, because love without fear is completely unattainable to egocentricity. It makes lame and ridiculous attempts to establish a foundation of joy, only to allow fear to destabilize the foundation until the entire building must crumble of its own oppressive weight.

The infinite drive to love unconditionally must always exist because it’s a super-conscious motivation, which simply means it is not available to conscious or subconscious egocentricity, which thinks in finite conditioned terms. But you cannot deny the drive, because the super-conscious is always more powerful as your Prime Directive and is the original motivation for everything you do. Even though that motivation must be diluted and stifled by what “you” add to the mix, it never leaves you. What you add is fear and the subsequent need for control.

But you long for love from the very core of your being.

Can you love without expectation? Does your love require specific modes of reciprocation? Do you expect a return on your investment? What outcomes do you demand? Must you protect from rejection? Does the past inform all your decisions on how to "care”?

Even the purity of maternal love is momentarily withheld when violation occurs and expectations remain unmet. The only consideration is what to control and how much. But control is never absent from the “love” of the solitary egocentric “self,”seeking to pursue happiness through control.

Your love is a game with rules for controlling the desired outcomes. If the outcomes are absent, egocentric “love” becomes fear and all subsequent decisions must in some way involve attack. You have experienced abandonment before and so you believe your protective mechanisms are crucial.

The only way you will ever release from fear is by understanding there is nothing to fear. The only way you will realize this FACT is by surrendering your control. The only way to surrender control is to dissociate completely from egocentric “care.” Egocentric “care” is a vicarious means of self-actualizing through the control of another under the guise of “love.”

To care for another egocentrically is to commit another to a form of bondage, in which your care for me is a gift requiring my gratitude in return. Not to reciprocate is to expect condemnation or, at the least, complete withdrawal. My failure to reciprocate as expected makes me guilty and all guilt demands punishment.

The ego-self simply constructs religions to justify this kind of sacrificial persecution. If “God” condemns than so must egocentricity and such is the egocentric “Word of God.”

Increase awareness of your egocentric conditions by recognizing the pain experienced when those conditions are unmet by another. Egocentric “care” is devoid of equality and notes failures and imbalances in the caring of another. Give to me in the expectation of my reciprocating equally on a future date and you have cursed not only me, but yourself, to the suffering of egocentric “care.”

The ego is constantly differentiating levels and degrees through comparisons. This is a subconscious motivation not even known to super-conscious mind. But it is chief mechanism of egocentricity for self-actualizing through the love and care of others.

Egocentricity is merely a tool employed to maintain a “Dream of Existence” as separate from the dreamer. Although its purposes seem myriad, this is really its only objective. Egocentric “care” is nothing more than one aspect of this denial, but it is pervasive in maintaining effective distance between the concept of “you” and the concept of “them.”

Till death do you part…

Artwork by Ken Keirns - "Fishing"

3 comments:

  1. "The infinite drive to love unconditionally must always exist because it’s a super-conscious motivation, which simply means it is not available to conscious or subconscious egocentricity, which thinks in finite conditioned terms."

    Is super-conscious the pure-mind, do you think? The realm of insight and intuitions? Whereas the ego mind is the realm of instinct and habit, loss and control? The place that dwells in the fear of the past...ie: repetition of anguish or loss, or even the longing behind nostalgia of a perceived greater time?

    "Egocentricity is merely a tool employed to maintain a “Dream of Existence” as separate from the dreamer. Although its purposes seem myriad, this is really its only objective."

    Is ego the penalty, as it were, from the Fall from Grace in the proverbial Garden of Eden? Not even taken literally, humankind seems to have an innate propensity to believe in a more pure time in its own history of existence.

    Maybe that is the one thing you get when you come into Purgatory. The Ego. Ego-story-system...like that, somehow. Like most things, it is the luck of the draw whether one's ego is conditioned to the progression of things or the stagnant lack of movement.

    Anyway, another thought-provoking post.

    Blessings,
    Nahnni

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  2. Yes, the "dream" is just another story and I am nothing more than a storyteller. Just like the ego is nothing more than a story, telling stories about stories.

    Thanks,
    mikeS

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  3. I feel like I can see my egocentric care on sone level, but dissociating from it seems impossible, especially without engaging the world.

    kind of worrisome that you say you can't do it by addressing fear because you fear everything... like, i fear social interaction but also being alone so i guess in that case i do fear both sides, but the fear of social interaction/deep communication is more immediately frightening, so i feel like it could be important and beneficial to pursue that..

    on another note seeing people in their personal stories and dramas and lives and personalities and whatnot is terribly difficult to integrate with the idea that there is no external world. I just feel such a disconnect with some people like were on different levels and just fundamentally different. superiority and inferiority complexes run rampant and bringing them to the light of day is definitely frightening.

    You say 'give up control' to discover truth, but it seems like there must be something you actually have to do (possibly "deep" communication) to awaken. I say this because personal experience leads me to believe that you can't just snap your fingers and awaken/give up control/etc, you can't think yourself to enlightenment (unfortunately I also can't stop trying to think myself to enlightenment...) and you can't meditate to enlightenment either. So, engaging the world seems to be the only option left. although, I obviously have doubts about just how to engage the world and all that jazz...

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