Egocentric Survival

"You" are an ego-self and the ego defines itself so profoundly by what it suffers through that to be absent of suffering is to be absent of identity.

However, for an ego not to identify with its experience of itself is not to exist and therefore, suffering emphasizes your “survival” and hence, continued existence. The main purpose of egocentricity is to “survive” (or remain centric or ‘centered’ in a ‘self’) and inherent to that survival is suffering. Therefore, an ego must seek out suffering as a means of identifying its main purpose of survival and, thereby, self-actualize. Your survival is the prime objective of egocentric identification and the more self-actualized and developed your ego is, the better your chances.

Simply look at your ‘self’ now, as you suffer through your days in the drive for momentary pleasures. You feel your pleasures indicate actual “living” but, make no mistake, it is your suffering that symbolizes your experience of being  “alive,” because the end of suffering would be the end of “you.” Without the suffering inherent to survival, who or what would you be?

You identify with a concept of self that does realize this, since it is associated with all the ego’s experiences. Yet, also inherent to that egocentric concept of ‘self’ is UNAWARENESS. Wrapped up in your egocentric identification is an unawareness that has become completely natural for you. This MUST remain “natural” as long as identification persists and there can be NO extraction from this predicament. The ego is what “you” believe you ARE and to terminate that belief requires the ego’s allegiance, which is impossible for an ego contingent on survival for self-actualization, although you may adopt a “non-dual” perspective and pretend that it doesn’t matter as a means of mitigating your pain. But then… every egocentrically adopted ‘perspective’ MATTERS, or why else would it be adopted and everything that matters must be suffered through.

Have you finally recognized that, in all your supreme and profound efforts to dissolve your egocentricity, amazingly it finds a way to remain INTACT and persist in suffering?

You could never escape your ‘self,’ since “you” require the participation of your ‘self’ to begin with. There is a part of your mind that is egoless, but in your belief that “you” are an egocentric, you have no way of communicating with that part and merely attach to egocentric concepts like “soul” or “spirit.” Although the ego-self can masquerade as “egoless,” by parroting the many ‘exalted’ in your world that make such claims, it could never adopt a belief that denies its egocentricity (exaltation is the height of egocentricity and that’s why you seek to emulate those models). This is contrary to the prime objective of “survival.” Thus, your only alternative is to dissociate from the prime objective.

Does this mean you should want to die?

It is your fear of death that makes the “idea” of death real for you, thus reinforcing and strengthening the ego’s appetite for survival. The ego has easily incorporated “wanting” death into its repertoire, since death reinforces its existence and facilitates “survival” as the chief means of self-actualizing in a “world” where death is treated as profoundly "real." Everything you do is in rebellion from death. But your rebellion inadvertently makes it real for you. Lay down your arms and embrace the enemy, for in your acceptance it easily dissolves, as you learn that it never existed in the first place. Some learn this only upon the moment of death.

So what’s the difference between wanting death and not wanting to survive?

You have NO personal experience of death, but you do experience your numerous means of survival. In fact, it takes up your mind and the whole of egocentric existence. Every day you seek to further actualize yourself in a world perceived as honoring DEATH and you demand your idea of a body conform to your idea of death. Every choice you make is made to further accentuate and improve your chances of survival based on your experience of a world that reflects these needs everywhere you look.

The objective of the ego is survival, but only because it has assured you of death. Survival opposes death, thereby, confirming the idea of death as real and unraveling the entire dualistic experience of ‘self’ and ‘world’ in chronic opposition in the battle to survive and maintain the idea of a 'life' prior to death.

If you wish to maintain the ego-self, then you must defend its experiences and that includes the numerous means of experiencing its ideas of death. The main method of defense is fear. You fear awakening to truth and thus, construct experiences to keep that fear alive and kicking. As long as you identify with these experiences, so long will survival be desired as a means to reinforce DEATH.

In the egos estimation the whole purpose behind the idea of your birth was to do battle with your idea of death and to the egocentric mind, there is no other reason to the inner experience you call 'life.' In identifying with the part of your mind that conceptualizes “death,” this delusion is camouflaged through ‘unawareness.' Simply look closely at your experience of a world and your complete indifference to the suffering and death of others (except for token efforts to appease egocentric guilt). Death is so absolutely REAL to you, that survival seems to be your only alternative.

Then why should you care about the death of others, when in fact their suffering and death merely reinforces the prime objective of SURVIVAL and, as we all know…

…only the fittest will survive and, thus, “life” becomes nothing more than vain and deluded attempts at reinforcing your survival needs.

Artwork by Jaroslaw Kukowski - "Poland"