The Curse of Egocentric “Care”

It is impossible to understand TRUTH while continuing to maintain goals for your world. The mind does not cease from making the dream ”real.” The “world” unravels within you even when you believe your thoughts are insubstantial and have NO effect. Seeking to quiet the mind through meditation, while still attached to the chief substance of your “reality,” only reinforces sacrifice and sacrifice must always entail suffering because you believe you will LOSE.

Deprivation is the substance that makes up the dream and deprivation can only enlist the fear that demands CONTROL.

When your “care” for another is a direct product of fear, it serves only to magnify that which spawned it. Fear always seeks to CONTROL what it “cares” for and your constant vigilance toward controlling your world is utterly exhausting you.

When egocentricity seeks to apply control to its experiences, this informs the mind that the threat of LOSS is “real,” insuring the result will be experienced as you ask and LOSS will be real, but only in your mind.

What you ask for, you always receive. Make no mistake, what you CONTROL, as a result of “care,” you will LOSE, because you have insured this FACT by the very nature of your control. This is exactly how the “world” you experience is constructed. It makes no difference if the world is real or illusion. The ‘experience’ is always a conceptual construct encountered only in your mind and no where else "in the world."

Seeking to CONTROL the concepts of experience, demands victimization to the experience itself. You are ruled by concepts, but the concepts you made up.

If you are not increased by a “desire,” know that you have limited yourself by applying conditions that only inhibit freedom. You know very well the feelings that come from fear. But you have no experience of the joy inherent to the complete absence of fear. As long as you seek to control your fears, your fears can only multiply.

What in your life do you NOT seek to control?

Fear and control are in DIRECT relationship with one another. There is NEVER the one without the other. The more fear you experience, the more control you apply and the more control applied the more fear must naturally increase. You cannot break this cycle by addressing FEAR, simply because you fear everything (apparent by all your attempts at control). But you can give up control. Until fear is banished from your mind, choices must be made to control the dream from within it.

Controlling your inner experiences from outside the mind, merely asserts the experience’s control of YOU. 

There has never been a moment from which you corresponded with your world completely absent fear and you struggle to let go of control because your fear makes it necessary. In the dream of “you,” nothing is made to last. Even that which makes you “happy” is rigidly encased in the fear of dissolution and deprivation. Therefore, surrendering control is tantamount to “death,” because you equate “life” with ever greater control of your experience of a “world.”

Control demands ‘meaning,’ since you care not for what is meaningless. Hence, everything MUST have a meaning and from that meaning an experience of a "world" unfolds within you and you seek to control that experience.

How else do you define your “happiness” if not the complete control of your environment and everyone in it? You demand the “world” conform to your expectations and concepts. Those you care for must attempt to conform to your expectations else you will extract your “care” in an attempt to make them meaningless. But a meaningless void can NOT be and so you simply change the meaning from love to hate. You invent concepts to rationalize exclusion and banishment.

But the experience is IN you and never leaves you. Hence, you always abandon only your "self."

Those you claim to love become victims of your control, just as you become victim to them in a symbiotic state of mutual victimization, because love without fear is completely unattainable to egocentricity. It makes lame and ridiculous attempts to establish a foundation of joy, only to allow fear to destabilize the foundation until the entire building must crumble of its own oppressive weight.

The infinite drive to love unconditionally must always exist because it’s a super-conscious motivation, which simply means it is not available to conscious or subconscious egocentricity, which thinks in finite conditioned terms. But you cannot deny the drive, because the super-conscious is always more powerful as your Prime Directive and is the original motivation for everything you do. Even though that motivation must be diluted and stifled by what “you” add to the mix, it never leaves you. What you add is fear and the subsequent need for control.

But you long for love from the very core of your being.

Can you love without expectation? Does your love require specific modes of reciprocation? Do you expect a return on your investment? What outcomes do you demand? Must you protect from rejection? Does the past inform all your decisions on how to "care”?

Even the purity of maternal love is momentarily withheld when violation occurs and expectations remain unmet. The only consideration is what to control and how much. But control is never absent from the “love” of the solitary egocentric “self,”seeking to pursue happiness through control.

Your love is a game with rules for controlling the desired outcomes. If the outcomes are absent, egocentric “love” becomes fear and all subsequent decisions must in some way involve attack. You have experienced abandonment before and so you believe your protective mechanisms are crucial.

The only way you will ever release from fear is by understanding there is nothing to fear. The only way you will realize this FACT is by surrendering your control. The only way to surrender control is to dissociate completely from egocentric “care.” Egocentric “care” is a vicarious means of self-actualizing through the control of another under the guise of “love.”

To care for another egocentrically is to commit another to a form of bondage, in which your care for me is a gift requiring my gratitude in return. Not to reciprocate is to expect condemnation or, at the least, complete withdrawal. My failure to reciprocate as expected makes me guilty and all guilt demands punishment.

The ego-self simply constructs religions to justify this kind of sacrificial persecution. If “God” condemns than so must egocentricity and such is the egocentric “Word of God.”

Increase awareness of your egocentric conditions by recognizing the pain experienced when those conditions are unmet by another. Egocentric “care” is devoid of equality and notes failures and imbalances in the caring of another. Give to me in the expectation of my reciprocating equally on a future date and you have cursed not only me, but yourself, to the suffering of egocentric “care.”

The ego is constantly differentiating levels and degrees through comparisons. This is a subconscious motivation not even known to super-conscious mind. But it is chief mechanism of egocentricity for self-actualizing through the love and care of others.

Egocentricity is merely a tool employed to maintain a “Dream of Existence” as separate from the dreamer. Although its purposes seem myriad, this is really its only objective. Egocentric “care” is nothing more than one aspect of this denial, but it is pervasive in maintaining effective distance between the concept of “you” and the concept of “them.”

Till death do you part…

Artwork by Ken Keirns - "Fishing"

The Unexamined Ego is not Worth Living

For those who read this blog thinking “this guy might have some truths,” I can positively dissuade you of that notion. I have NO idea what the truth is (or isn’t, for that matter).

This site specifically addresses ego dynamics and digging down into why it (“you”) behaves as it does. By understanding the underlying motivations, beyond the generally accepted Freudian unconscious/subconscious drives, there is a chance you may reach a clear “spiritual” center (for lack of a better descriptor). I have experienced such a “center,” but only through momentary glimpses that were immediately subsumed and incorporated into egocentric interpretations (as is usually the case).

In addition, it is my belief that you will not engage that center through pithy platitudes or repetitively lip-servicing the scripts and moral “truths” of antiquity (interpreted by other egos millions and millions of time over). Ego-self easily incorporates ALL that within its own grandiose schemes and this is why most modern spiritual masters often appear the most egotistically afflicted (downright sociopathic actually, but that stands to reason).

In addition, you probably won’t get there through meditative spiritual practices because of the subconscious aspirations and goals that you have for your ‘self’ that are not consciously accessible (even your "spirituality" is steeped in desired outcomes and goals). Any attempt to transcend egocentricity will naturally bend itself and conform to your deep-seated goals without your conscious intent. There are a whole sheitload of egocentric “transcenders” out there and the internet is a breeding ground for the “egocentrically enlightened.”

This type of ego exploration is not well-suited for the polite company of spiritual suburbanites seeking enlightenment through Eckart Tolle's next best seller. Lotsa good stuff said by these folks, but it's all been said before (so has it made any difference to "you"?).

Although, we can’t deny it is ego observing itself, so it’s often best to have a partner. It’s harder to deny your own ego dynamics when someone you trust is pointing it out. This level of understanding demands excruciating honesty and is dreadfully uncomfortable, even downright painful to egocentricity.

It simply means understanding why you do the things you do by understanding that every answer you come up with only demands you go deeper which may include more PAIN (unfortunately, seeking to experience invulnerability is initially wrought with experiences of intense vulnerability). You will know that you’re getting closer simply by the level of resistance you experience to understanding.

The world you experience is exquisitely formulated to deny understanding through normalizing (and ‘comfortizing’) what we refer to as “rational” complexity. Egocentricity worships the chaos of complexity simply by calling it “logic” but it is entirely contingent on sense data.

Yet, be aware that fear will dog your every step, because one thing is certain: NO one, in this experience of "existing," believes he is living authentically. 

Everyone recognizes, in some way and on some level, that they are living a lie. In fact, there are many out there who have come to the realization that it’s ALL a lie. But, as many ancient wise-guys have claimed, fear would be very useful if it wasn’t so damn frightening.

But how many really want to dig this deep? Who really wants to face the potential fact that everything they do, everything they think and feel, is nothing but a baseless fabrication? The egocentric mind is void of any Truth whatsoever, by nature of its egocentricity.

The egocentric fear is that by understanding what is or is NOT a lie one must then sacrifice or cut certain parts free. That one must cease from useless actions. This smacks of SACRIFICE and sacrifice only reinforces the experience of deprivation (most likely also a lie). This is an erroneous understanding if you start from the premise that it is ALL a fabrication and, hence, it matters not what you do, but only that you understand WHY.

In this way one can learn to play infinitely in the finite fabrications of “life” and not be bound to necessity, but enriched through free-will (besides, who can ever experience free-will without understanding embodied-ego dynamics?). It terminates the experience that there are things you NEED to do, in opposition to what you WANT to do, as one choice is as insignificant or significant as the other.

But your childhood moral indoctrination impedes this exploration because you believe your values matter. And so, the ego-self chronically perseverates over change and will desperately seek a way to achieve a sense of satisfaction within the nausea of its fabricated experiences. But it will not look too closely for it fears what it might see and merely looks at what it what was taught to look at. Freud called this “sublimation” and believed it necessary to sublimate primitive drives into socially acceptable channels as a means of maintain social cohesion. Unfortunately, this has the reverse affect of stifling any super-conscious motivations NOT contingent on egocentric identities.

As a result, egos are quite comfy in their chosen “lifestyles,” while at the same time, ferociously sickened by that comfort. 

Nevertheless, the ego will delude itself through socially conditioned values and morality, which aid in maintaining a framework that holds NO content, but is clearly quite strong in the weight of its vacuous and superficial presence. Like a rugged and reinforced foundation that holds up absolutely NOTHING. This is how egos live and it’s what they come to expect.

It is not the depth of content the ego seeks, but an ever more elaborate framework for which to drape around itself as a means of self-actualizing it existence as “real.” 

It collects and controls to assist in reinforcing this foundation. It will accumulate people within specific parameters and in all types of combinations and relationships. It will construct communities, towns, societies marriages, families, etc, etc, not for the depth that could be engaged in these relationships but for which to assert itself in the world.

And then it will naturally complain of the failure inherent in relying on such meaningless surface engagements.

Yet, deep down “you” cannot deny the exhaustion experienced through the failure of the props to provide fulfillment. Egocentricity will inevitably blame the props, while denying that what it propped up to actualize itself can only diminish it. Hence, it may seek out other props, different people, new experiences, accumulate more things. But eventually even that will fail to fulfill.

But NEVER will it look deeply into its own dynamics and, if it does, the pain of what it sees will only drive it back into its experience of a "world" and what the world provides for its self-actualizing and meaningless sustenance.

“I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss.” (The Matrix)

It will become fanatically involved in a “cause” and will take up “spiritual practices,” and burn through numerous "purposes," all the while, deluding itself that it is consciously “evolving.” Egocentricity has no capacity to consciously evolve. It can only turn to the past as the means of knowing itself as a fabricated concept and all future concepts it tacks on are only the residue of that past experience.

For the ego-self, there is simply "nothing new under the sun."

There is no reason to change what you do. No reason to leave your marriage or to stay. No reason to sell your house and move to Big Sur or not to. There is no reason to take up a spiritual practice or zealously adhere to some religio-spiritual ideology that will only further aggrandize your egocentricity (egos are always looking for new and wonderful things to believe). Although you certainly can have a good time doing that. There is no reason to quit your job and become an organic gardener, but that could be an exciting experience for a little while. No reason to read Eckart Tolle or attend the new age seminar. However, there’s no reason NOT to do those things either.

Go ahead and do whatever you wish. But, sometimes, you may have to do some things that you fear doing just to see how it feels so that you can use that fear as a starting point. But don’t sweat it. Eventually it all comes up as it needs to, sooner or later (there is an odd certainty to your always getting what you need when you need it no matter how fooked up it may seem in the moment).

Don’t be shy. It’s only “you.” Swim in the depths of your egocentricity and learn what it is. Discover the reasons for your motivations and closely observe your fears. You will know you are onto something big by the intensity of your discomfort. Take that as a positive and don’t struggle too hard to run away from your mind.

Yet, one day all this might be over (before the reaper appears!). One day there may no longer be anything left to learn. Might be a load of “lifetimes” before that happens. Nevertheless, until then…

…an unexamined ego is not worth living.

Artwork by Anton Semenov - "Auschwitz"

Going South in a Quantum Nano-Second

It's always amazing how your whole world can go south in a quantum nano-second.

Your best, most well laid plans can be instantly shattered by the smashing of a teacup. Chaos awaits all your aspirations and the ripples of chance will eventually overtake you, completely unaware, disturbing the placid waters of your comfortable life-stream without a moments notice.

And you will make choices that, inevitably, will dash you to pieces against the rocks. Puzzled, you vigorously shake your head, attempting to clear the smoke between your ears to attain some clarity as to "why." But to no avail.

What you thought was right is now suddenly dead wrong.

But your stuck with it. There’s no rewind.

Yet, you thought you knew! You had evaluated the situation with pinpoint precision and, after much thoughtful consideration, made your decision and in that moment it felt so right.

But now its suddenly so wrong.

Emotion restricts and limits the happy horse sheit you call “logic” and your rational judgments are nothing more than a paper wall as emotion crashes through and rips it all to shreds.

Man does not live by thought alone, but is ultimately driven by how he feels about what he thinks.

When will you learn that you cannot KNOW? When will you give up deciding? When will you let it be?

When will you allow CERTAINTY to decide for you?

Make no mistake, that choice you made the other day…

…had to be made and exactly as you made it.

There is either certainty or uncertainty. Both cannot exist simultaneously and, because you can attain to NO accuracy in your judgments, certainty MUST predominate over all judgments in "reality." The appearance of uncertainty is delusional.

This is so excruciatingly hard for egocentricity to roll with, because ego wants to WIN. Ego demands “success” as the means of defining itself as opposing "failure." The ego-self  seeks to accurately predict so that it can diligently plan and prepare for the outcome it desires for its future.

And in that suffocating box of predictable preparation, nothing else can be seen and awareness is stifled into complete ignorance. Everything you are preparing for is predicated on what came before. You know nothing else but what came before. All your dreams are entirely contingent on the past, (even though it is the past you run from in predicting your “better future").

This is always a recipe for disaster and it’s why disaster lurks around the corner of every choice you make, waiting to pounce on you with the unbearable weight of uncertainty and doubt. 

But that choice you made, that decision you worked so hard on, is just as certain as what comes to you without your egocentric preparation planned from predictions based on the past.

So why bother at all? Why are you working so hard? Why not ease up a little? Why not accept the CERTAINTY of every choice you make?

Your only hope is CERTAINTY. But will you allow it?

Or will you decide you know what’s best? Will you rest upon the accurate predictability of your coveted choices? Will you perseverate upon what is right and wrong? Why do you think you know what the fook you need? Because the past has predicted it?

And when you take your final breathe, will you realize only then that it was all for naught? Will you finally resign yourself to fate?

Can you find comfort in the realization that you have made no “mistakes"? Can you live the rest of your days knowing you have not “succeeded” nor have you ever “failed” and neither assessment can ever again matter? What would happen to your precious values? Do you think God gives a sheit about your made up delusional morality?

Your revel in your egocentric individuality as if “you” meant something.

I would suggest you let it all go south and free yourself of the grinding bondage of your precious beliefs.

One day you will come to the realization that your beliefs don’t make a spit of difference to CERTAINTY.

It remains as CERTAIN today as it was yesterday and will be tomorrow…


 Photo by Erik Johansson - "Melting Point"

Cosmic Mojo vs Mojo Hijacking (part 2 of infinite)

When you were “born,” you were vibrating with intense levels of high Mojo juice. You were so high Mojo, you were buzzin’ and even low Mojo couldn’t help smiling and feeling they’re own Mojo poppin’ whenever they looked at you.

But then low Mojo started cutting off your circuits and hijacking your Mojo Juice. As if your Mojo needed protectin.’ As if too high Mojo might kill yo arse! And you thought, “but why no Mojo, ma, pa?” (well maybe not those exact words). But they insisted that your Mojo go low whenever they said NO. And that’s just plain stoopid, cause high Mojo is how you know you’re ALIVE.  It’s low Mojo that finally kills ya.

Look around at all the low Mojo draggin’ they’re feet and plodding through their mundane and dreary lives like a bunch of low Mojo zombies. It’s as if they was just waiting for the Mojo to go…POOF! into thin air.

You probably don’t remember how shocked and confused you were that anyone would want to take away what made you shimmer and shine? You cried and bawled, but to no avail. They wanted your Mojo low and no matter how much you tried to jack it back up they kept draining it.

Sometimes they beat it outa you, claimin' that it hurt their Mojo more than yours. But low Mojo was persistent and demanded high Mojo always do what low Mojo wanted. Soon, low Mojo became the only way to gogo (which ain’t no way at all) and being ALIVE started to get all heavy and oppressive. High Mojo is what you’re “here” for.

But you really can’t blame low Mojo, cause they been taught that Mojo is sometimes “inappropriate;” sometimes “wrong.” They learned that there is “normal” and not “normal” Mojo, good and bad Mojo, when really there is only high and low Mojo. They think that Mojo is a product of what you DO, when really what you DO is a product of Mojo (and how they got that sheit ass backwards is beyond me, but it’s pretty epidemic at this point).

And then they forced you to get an  “education.” They dumbed down your Mojo so you could get a low Mojo “job” and idolize low Mojo “money.” Believe it or not, your stress is actually a product of your life-long struggle to keep Mojo low.

Have you ever noticed that whenever you jump into a moment of high Mojo, amazingly, you wind up shutting it down as if Mojo Joy was some kinda disease? This is how you learned to fear your own Mojo and this is why you often hate your life, cause a life without Mojo Joy ain’t really livin.’

Low Mojo taught you how to compete with other low Mojos by sapping their Mojo and takin’ it for yourself. You actually learned that the best way to get high Mojo was to hijack somebody else’s Mojo and give none back. You learned that the best way to get Mojo Risin,’ was to take it from somebody else. Can you believe that sheit??? But it’s true! Just look at all your relationships.

Now you spend your life trying to get back your high Mojo (that low Mojo stifled) by making other Mojos low. We're all nothing but a mob of Mojo Hijackers. And sure, you take their Mojo and ya get what SEEMS like a quick high, but it ain’t real Mojo. It’s an egocentric Mojo mirage, which is just low Mojo in disguise, and that never lasts and only causes real Mojo to evaporate. This is why the ego’s Mojo feels good at first, but eventually it just makes real Mojo dissolve cause it just ain’t real Mojo, it’s pretend Mojo. Pretending to be high Mojo, when you’re really low Mojo, is just low Mojo posing as something it’s NOT.

Making Mojo low ain’t the way to get Mojo Joy. Giving Mojo is the only way to get it up!

The only way to get Mojo Joy is by jackin’ up somebody else’s Mojo, creating a free-flowing Mojo circuit that naturally multiplies and gives back double what you put in. But be careful. Mojo don’t do well with your low Mojo  “rules” and once you start tellin’ it when and how to rise, it fades fast, cause Mojo that ain’t natural, is just low Mojo.

Low Mojo gets so used to taking Mojo (they don't know any better!) and having their own Mojo drained, that they completely forgot how to jump-start Mojo circuits (as simple as hooking up two car batteries). Whenever an opportunity comes up, they get all scared and start taking Mojo instead of giving it. They hold back Mojo fearing somebody’s gonna swipe it and it just stagnates, eventually dissolving into a stinky low mojo mess.

That’s called Mojo Rigor Mortis.

But then, low Mojo just wanders around always grittin’ and grindin’ over why their Mojo’s so low, when any damn fool could figger it out if he just looked at what he was doing. If he could only give up the ego’s Mojo for the real thing.

Stop protectin’ your Mojo and give it away now. Don’t pretend high Mojo when you’re low, just hook up with high Mojo and start risin.’

I know this lady who’s a Mojo Queen and her's is so incredibly high that everybody wants it. But instead of giving to get, they keep taking and give nothing back. Why can’t they understand that if they just give Mojo, they’re gonna get it right back at ‘em, times ten thousand? But she’s still really high Mojo cause, once you get filled up to a certain level, nobody can drain ya anymore.

That’s called Cosmic Mojo and it’s pretty rare to find someone at that level, but they’re out there.

Maybe you’re one of ‘em?

Artwork by Yue Minjun - "untitled"

Is Your Mojo Rising (part 1 of infinite)

The Dream of “You”

Good thing you haven’t been left to your “self” to correct the chaotic bullsheit you make “real.” Now your life is nothing more than constructing ever better fantasies for which to find comfort.

There is really only one way to salvation and that is through the recognition that there is nothing “there.”

Otherwise, “you” will simply repeat the same games over and over again, relying exclusively on the same rules to achieve the same rewards that have never sustained “you.”

But what other choice do you have? The stories and fantasies are always the same (even the story of being a story).

The chief story of egocentricity is "The Fearful Fixation." Look at what you rely on to “save” you, to bring you “happiness.” Nothing lasts and everything fades, but the fear of deprivation quickly grasps for compromise through its pleasurable fixations, which it calls its "saving grace." But a fixation is uncompromising because no matter how many times you fail to succeed, the ego returns once again to repeat the pattern.

Egocentric Enlightenment is composed of nothing more than this: “I would give up everything…except that!”

Thus begins a cascade of fixations all contingent on being “real.” Look deeply into the eyes of every “enlightened master” and discover what they will NEVER sacrifice no matter what. Always a strand, a tiny thread of “reality” holds the ENTIRE edifice firmly in place.

There are parts of your dream you will not surrender, else it will be a “sacrifice” and sacrifice only reinforces the egocentric deprivation that makes up the whole of your dream. Only deprivation dreams of “success” and “failure.” Only deprivation sees a need for “enlightenment.” These are the concepts from which “reality” unfolds before your “eyes."

As you ask, so shall you receive. Time and time again.

Fixation on parts of “reality” reinforce the whole and thus superimpose meaning where none before existed. It MUST be patently meaningless in its entirety, else your meanings will continue to give it life. But why does the meaningless cause you so much fear?

The egocentric self fears the meaningless and cannot exist in a meaningless “world.”  Imagine if nothing meant anything. If a “chair” did not conform to what it has always meant for you? If the “person” you know as “Bill” no longer conformed to your concepts? If your “pleasures” could no longer hold out the promise of meaning what you require?

Could you exist in such a wasteland? What would you fixate on as “real”? How would you respond to perception that only reflected an absence of mental constructs or concepts? What would you “love” and what would you “hate”? What would you ever have to fear if “death” had no conceptual basis in your egocentric thought system? Could you “die,” if death had NO meaning? Could you "live" if there were no "death"? Would you be “alive” if there were no concepts in your mind to represent “living”?

The ego-self will never surrender its conceptual anchor points. Primarily because its concepts define IT. Was there a chair before a concept of a chair? Was there a “chair” before there was an “ego” to interpret it as it was meant to be? The ego-self claims, “of course!” Everything must have existed before it could be perceived, because if the concept made it real then the ego has more power than it could ever admit to and egos must be powerless to remain egocentric.

Egocentricity is contingent on complete powerlessness.

Hence, a powerless “world” conforms to what you interpret your “self” to be and not what the world determines you ARE. You interpret the world as oppositional to you when, in fact, you only oppose your “self.” You hate what you are, but seek a way to “love” yourself and this “loving hatred” is reflected back to you. Everywhere you look you perceive a world of other minds hating what the mind seems to show them, but desperately seeking for a way to love what they fear. This is how you conceptually interpret your “self” and, thus, it stands to reason that you would SEE your world this same way.

The dream unfolds as nothing more than an interpretation on "you."

Artwork by 'gnato - "f f"

The Egocentric Observer is Biased

Why would you think that you can know your ‘self,’ or even parts of the self, simply by self-observation or the use of introspective or meditative techniques?

The observer is biased and will tend to completely miss, or even deny awareness of aspects that cause discomfort.

However, others see what you cannot, because it is through others that you have defined your ‘self.’ We do not define and give meaning to our 'self' alone or in isolation from others, but through engagement with a world of others because 'they' are your world.

In fact, the deeper our engagement with that 'world,' the more 'defined' we become.

The ego-self is entirely other-referencing and is always in the process of defining itself, or 'becoming,' through others and the world. This is particularly true of the relationships that we choose for which to deeply engage with another, because it is through these 'intimate partnerships' that we define our deepest layers of the 'self.' We engage with others to intimately share our 'self' so that the 'self' can evolve.

Yet, why is it that we so frequently fail to create and maintain intimacy in our most significant relationships? Why is it that so many relationships fail to engage the depth between them and either remain hopelessly stuck on the surface or disengage entirely?

Individualized ego goals often impede Deep Spirit intimacy, since they reinforce separation and division resulting in chronic conflict from frequent interpersonal competition. The ego idealizes the love of another, not for how it can reinforce the others self-development, but for what it expects others will do to reinforce its own self-construct (you). The egocentric self-concept is an inner-absorbed belief 'package' whose sole function is self-preservation through pressing itself into and against a world of conflicting opposites. It perceives others as naturally opposing its projects and goals. Nevertheless, the ego believes that completion of its goals and projects will eventually provide fulfillment by firmly asserting it into its experience of a 'world.' Therefore, it picks and chooses significant 'others’ to join with in carrying out its plans of self-actualization. These are the 'loving' relationships or mutual alliances we attribute the most significance and expect will add to our individual self-fulfillment.

Yet, these significant relationships may be stifled and paralyzed by chronic conflict, simply because the embodied egos we choose to join with (in 'love') have self-actualizing goals of their own to give meaning and define their own individual self-defining. They expect you will comply with their plans, while you expect compliance with your own.

Chronic conflict with 'loved ones' is often the most severe, because your ego-self expects to negotiate a world of other egos it has NOT chosen to "love", all perceived as strangers, yet each applying meaning to their lives and often in opposition to you. However, in contrast, you expect that those you have chosen to join with 'in-love' will support your individual egocentric self-actualization and when that is not forthcoming the ego experiences betrayal.

Although the ego expects opposition from the world, it will not easily tolerate opposition from those it chooses to collude with in preserving and actualizing itself. Hence, inherent within all relationships are the conditions of betrayal.

The ego-self wants to experience the fullness of its existence based on what the world teaches it must experience in order to be "happy." Conforming to the world is how the ego-self realizes its existence as significant and not merely a made up fantasy of the mind's imagination. It must build and develop itself for fear of being swallowed up and nullified by the world it experiences as outside and separate from it. Therefore, the ego adopts projects and goals that the world teaches will result in an actualized 'self' and, as the world teaches, an actualized self is a "happy" self.

Intimate relationships are considered important, but subsidiary and subordinate to individual egoic actualization. This makes them reversible with substitutes easily available.

The problem is that most of the projects we engage in to achieve this ever allusive "happiness" are projects that promote egocentric self-absorption and reduce the importance of relationship as primary means to self-actualization. Intimate relationships are downsized and minimized as the means of self-realization and they can easily be discarded and tossed aside and substitute participants elected to ally with.

We can collude with another in achieving ego goals, however, they too seek egoic self-actualization in agreement with the world's definition of a self-actualized 'individual.' These egocentric pursuits, although not detrimental from an individual standpoint, are the antithesis of Deep Spirit intimacy in the creation and discovery of the deeper motives that join individuals. When ego goals of self actualization dominate the mind, relationships must suffer and often may expire simply for lack of attention.

Egocentric self-actualization that supersedes or takes priority over Deep Spirit intimacy, creates tension and conflict between loved ones who feel betrayed by one another. The 'chosen one' was not supposed to become a stranger in opposition but, instead, an ally in the self actualization and egocentric search for "happiness." But the allegiance was lost and now, instead of sharing your 'self' in the desire to self-actualize through union, you withhold your 'self' and gradually begin to hold the other in contempt as they also withhold from you.

Eventually the ego will experience increased anxiety in relation to the chronic stress of this constant withholding, or stifled extension, since our Deep Spirit inclination is to naturally extend to others. This anxiety will only increase, particularly if the ego's demand for control in asserting itself against the other is consistently thwarted by the significant others own self-assertion. No matter how hard you try to control external circumstances, another ego is thwarting your efforts in their attempt at control. These are the daily "control dramas" that are played out in millions of "loving" relationships, so much so, that it is often 'normalized' as typical of all intimate relationships.

When separation-anxiety increases to a boiling point, the ego then avoids conflict altogether by slowly disengaging from the relationship. Now there are only bodies in proximity, providing only surface communication in the performance of routine, superficial menial tasks, while the self is locked away in avoidance of seeking any depth. Adverse alienation sets in and we find we can no longer collaborate on even the smallest things. Eventually, the pattern becomes rigidly predictable, with no 'surprise' in the interactions, as engagement gradually becomes monotonous and mundane.

Yet, we will not disengage from our individual self-actualizing pursuits and in fact, the ego intensifies its efforts in the direction of individualized self-actualization, since the relationship no longer holds out the promise of "happiness."

Eventually, the ego may cut itself off completely from what it sees as the source of its betrayal, resulting in physical separation and eventually the severing of all ties.The ego then seeks out another for which to collude in its individual plans of self-actualization. It has no desire to realize its role in the circular nature of the conflict and denies the fact that it's as guilty as the one it blames. Therefore, it will reconstruct the same patterns of conflict in every relationship it engages with in the future.

Yet, if it can come to realize its role in the pattern of betrayal, it can then gradually begin to alter its perspective enough to engage the other toward resolution. Resolution is always assured through increased understanding, because seeking to deeply understand another is to automatically correspond with Deep Spirit. When you correspond with Deep Spirit, the ego recedes in silence, thereby ending its incessant chatter originating from its need to control reality (others). Now both can listen deeply to one another, easily redirecting patterns to allow an intimate center through which communication can naturally occur.

It only takes one to extend from this Deep Spirit, because such extension has the miraculous tendency to evoke the same extension from others and this is because it is as natural as breathing. Yet, we have lost touch with this deep inner nature, because we have become hypnotized by what society teaches will lead to fulfillment and self-actualization, rather than the intimacy with another we know will energize and bring joy into our lives. Joy is only available when shared.

To extend from Deep Spirit is the path to dissolving alienation. This is because you are no longer strangers to one another and embark in the infinite process of intimate awakening together.

To remain strangers is to give up all hope of understanding and thus, all hope of love. To correspond from Deep Spirit 'within' is to find yourself through engaging to deeply understand another. It is the spiritual ground of all relationships and, although few ever reach that level, the path is available to everyone.

Artwork by Kelly Hutchison - "The Secret Ingredient"