Leggo My Ego

Your belief in your “self” determines a great deal about how you interact in relationship with others, particularly significant others.

The belief system through which you define yourself is called your “ego” and we all have one.

In fact, that’s exactly what YOU are, merely a system or package of beliefs (beliefs are merely thoughts that you allow to be true).

Many of your beliefs are subconscious and although you believe strongly in certain ideas or values, you don’t go around town everyday loudly proclaiming “I believe this.. or “I believe that..”

Actually your actions tend to reveal what you believe subconsciously. The important point is that beliefs are simply thoughts that you give power through injecting them with belief.

We use this objective psychological term “ego” to define the composite package of thoughts that you BELIEVE defines you and that you adhere to and exhibit in your daily living. The basic beliefs about yourself were formed primarily in childhood, however, through many years of experiencing your 'self,' others and the world, you have refined and tailored your ego to certain specifications (some rational, some absurd).

Essentially, through various levels of social conditioning and free-will, you formulated an 'ego' (“package of beliefs”) and basically assert, through the choices you make (often quite unconsciously) “This is me and I am!”

Therefore, every 'person' is actually a bodily contained package of beliefs or, as Freud referred to it, we are all “skin encapsulated egos.”

In fact, it is through your ego that you have determined your choice in a specific spouse or partner. In addition, your ego has determined what you expect from that spouse or partner relative to your beliefs about a “committed relationship.” We choose life partners based on “ego agreements.”

Your ego and your partner’s ego have concurred on the basic rules and limits of the relationship and how it is to be conducted. I say “basic” because, “the devil is always in the details.”

Most likely, when the honeymoon ended, and the infatuation psychosis" began to fade (which we often mistake for love) “real life” then tends to accentuate the things that you may not have agreed on, or even paid any attention to, but maybe now wish you had.

The reason I am addressing you objectively as an ego is so that you can begin to examine your own belief system about yourself and your relationships and, most importantly, your expectations of yourself and those you closely engage with. IF you believe that, in order to show devotion to you and to the relationship, your partner MUST conform to your beliefs about your NEEDS and your partner disagrees, your “ego” will experience fear in the form of resentment.

The ego tends to believe that fear in any form is a clear indication that you must have been attacked at some point in time and it will often ignore whether or not you were actually attacked in making this determination.

The ego negates the statement "seeing is believing" and instead sees what it believes.

Therefore when you believe you are attacked you will naturally see it and counter attack. (what actually happened is often not important). If you are attacking a 'loved' one for failing to meet your needs then it is important that you are clear on two chief issues. Do you really need what you believe you need and what level of priority have you determined that the need must be met.

Close examination of your belief system is important because you may come to realize that this "need" that you have always upheld as crucial is, in fact, unnecessary to your "happiness." Or you may come to find that a “need” or expectation that once held top priority may be less important at this point in your life. Therefore, you may experience less ego conflict in your relationship simply through an honest assessment of your beliefs about what you need in a relationship.In this evaluation you discard beliefs that are no longer needed (since egos change over time).

I recommend this ego evaluation simply because over the years we tend to become dependent on beliefs to define us, depending on how long we have been attached to certain ways of thinking. And since we often go through life essentially on "auto pilot" it is important to recognize that conflicts in your relationships may be significantly reduced simply through your own honest evaluation of your own ego. However, many often ignore this evaluation and choose to evaluate and judge everyone else's ego which makes no sense at all since you can only evaluate your own EXPERIENCES.

The important point is that if someone you claim to care for is not conforming to your beliefs about your "happiness," you may conclude that he or she does not care when in fact they may simply feel that your definition of happiness is irrational or even skewed. If you rigidly adhere to what you believe, simply because it’s what you’ve always believed, then you will fail to notice flaws in your belief system or ego and, in fact, become victim to your own egocentric self-concept.

Ego attacks can be very vicious and result in "ego wars" that feel like a virtual hell. Individuals locked in long drawn out ego wars (and make no mistake all relationship battles are between egos) will eventually seek to WIN. This is because in the heat of battle both feel it imperative to close in their ranks and faithfully defend their belief system with no thought to whether a particular belief should even be defended. This is what defines ego wars and some often report that they cannot remember why they were actually fighting or that they realized that the battle was over petty issues. But make no mistake, when the ego is being defended, every battle is crucial. Defending the ego often demands that we ignore why we're fighting.

So how does one escape an "ego war." Go inside and evaluate your ego and stop using blame to distract from your own discordant and unidentified belief system. Seek and find that which may serve only to aggrandize your ego and identify beliefs that serve to heal and accentuate the love between people who have come together for that purpose and that purpose only.

Simply let go of their ego and deeply explore your own.

Artwork by Jaroslaw Kukowski - "Praying mantis"

Kid Guru

Ahhhh....are you experiencing a deep sense of self-contentment in your spiritual practices? Do you consider yourself consciously evolved? Do you swoon at the feet of your beloved master? Are you forever drawn to your guru’s words of wisdom in a never-ending need to absorb his every divine word? Do you idolize the immortals? Do your meditation practices take you to magical worlds of "pure consciousness"? Do you believe you’ve experienced the absolute oneness of non-duality, the direct experience of Buddha No-Mind, the Unconditional Infinite of Christ Consciousness?

Well, you might as well forget about all that, because until you meet KID GURU, all your spiritual hocus pocus is nothing but cheap baloney between two pieces of stale Wonder bread. Until you meet Kid Guru, you’ll continue to think your progressing to advanced stages of enlightenment….

...Ha! What a maroon!

Make no mistake, Kid Guru will show you how your only marking time, spinning rhymes of conceptual drivel that you idolize as “truth,” but that he laughs at.  You will be literally shocked at how Kid Guru will immediately demonstrate that your as enlightened as a baloney sandwich (in fact, the baloney sandwich is light years ahead of you). I'll bet you actually think you're parenting them...LOL! Now that's fookin' funny!

If you haven’t yet met Kid Guru, then I suggest you do so. I dare you to discover a more competent teacher for showing you the shit you don’t WANT to see.

Kid Guru will help you burn through layers and layers of even the most ridiculously reinforced egocentric bullshit. Go ahead, try to fool The Kid with your righteous platitudes, your "life-experiences," your silly vacuous value system, your asinine life goals and your petty meanings. You’ll be burned like toast, because nobody knows you like the Kid. You can hide all up in your egocentricity with the "beloved master," safe and sound. But the Kid will rapidly flush out ALL your fears for you to SEE... in vivid technicolor.


I'll bet you thought you were "done" with that...Ha! Nope...not quite yet...

Have you experienced “non-duality”? Well, the Kid will show you what your little head trip is really all about and psychologically slice you to ribbons with the greatest Koan of all time...

“yeah right... you’re an asshole!” 

Hmmm... now what Mr. Enlightened Non-duality? Are you gonna dazzle ‘em with your “No-Mind” persuasions, while he/she looks at you like you got two heads and both are plumb stupid?

Or are you gonna send him to his room?

Yep, works all the time, right? Now you can meditate in peace, God dammit!

I wonder…did anyone ever roll their eyes at Osho? Did Nisargadatta ever change fouled diapers? Did Ramakrishna ever get obnoxious back talk? Did Maharshi ever have to negotiate stubborn teenage defiance? Was Ken Wilber ever told to “shutup, asshole”?

Amatuers...all amateurs...

The “real” world awaits you and Kid Guru will bring it on home in all its existential majesty. So go ahead…go off and learn from the devout and venerable “master.” But make no mistake, when you’re finally done all that, the teacher awaits you and no amount of preparation can prepare you for what you will learn. 

But you will advance…

...light years.


Artwork by Heather Nevay - "The Visit"

Egocentric "Needs"

It's fascinating how you have invented umpteen "rational" reasons for quitting a relationship, but usually only one irrational reason for staying..."love."

Unfortunately, there are 6 billion relative conceptual renditions of "love," indicative of the fact that we don't have a clue as to what "love" is or if it can even be defined absolutely or merely remain as relative as anything else that eventually fades away and dies. Make no mistake, your experience of  any "awakened" non-duality depends more on how you see him/her than on how you see your 'self.' The proof is in the pudding.

Your job is to screw up the conventional coordinates that chain you to your conceptual past. Because, if you 'think' you KNOW, then clearly you can only continue to see what you've always seen and this delays learning what IS. The ego sees what it 'knows' and nothing more is available.

How can we go in search of love, when we have nothing but a trail of abstract platitudes for which to follow?

Many often jump from one body to another in hopes of finally discovering that elusive experience called "love." At first, it seems to magically appear causing a psychological swoon of temporary insanity. The ego-self seems to recede back upon itself and is no longer as demanding or grasping. In the initial stages, the egocentric goal of self-preservation/actualization seems to evaporate, if only for a time. The fear of self-annihilation is suddenly overcome by the natural drive to fully engage in unification. The world slowly dissolves into invisibility, as you make contact with your non-conceptual and unconditional Deeper Spirit.

Nevertheless, eventually you resume your usual egocentric orientation to reality and gradually come to the realization (after days, months, years) that his/her love is not equivalent to yours. You have now come face to face with the absurd myth of incompatibility, as if any egocentric 'self' can truly be compatible with another. Subsequently, you come to realize that your “needs” are not being met and, as every ego-self knows, not to have needs met is not to self-actualize and egos must always self-actualize or die. In your world experience, there is either growth or death. The ego-self is a mass of conflicting desires, each negating or canceling out the other, as the ego-self struggles to maintain some enduring sense of itself. It's no wonder you need sleep, since you spend everyday in the exhausting task of holding your fragmented 'self' together and rigidly maintaining that fragile and tenuous thread to the "I" that is daily confronted with actualizing itself against other egocentric identities.

So, how rigidly are you attached to your “I"? How important are its "needs"?

Since that may become the deciding factor on whether you stay or you go. On whether you extend or contract. On whether you will or will not tolerate the intensity of their identity in conflict with yours. This is because egocentric “love” is a business exchange and to invest, demands a return on that investment. Make no mistake, every ego gives... to take. What the ego-self wants in return is that its “needs” are met. Unmet needs mean a non-actualized ego-self and an ego-self blocked from actualizing is a betrayed ego-self and a betrayed ego-self can become very vicious, indeed.

Yet, maybe you can agree to acknowledge that you have different renditions of love and discard them completely. This leaves you both open to discover the Deeper Spirit of each other, that can only be discovered together, and allow it to take you by 'surprise.' It may actually be something you’ve never contemplated (agree to discard your love concepts and this is guaranteed).

In fact, love may not have a damn thing to do with your getting your needs met, which means it doesn't have a damn thing to do with you, or that identified package of beliefs you unconsciously refer to as "you," over and over again, everyday, ad nauseam. Wouldn't it be a real humdinger if all your so-called 'unmet' needs were no longer the reason to quit and, instead, discovering what love really is becomes a reason to stay. To explore and discover together the non-duality of Christ Consciousness. To play infinitely in the world's finite games.

Nevertheless, make no mistake, every relationship you quit is an assertion that you KNOW what love is and the person you’re quitting doesn't…

…and that’s pretty damn arrogant of you, don’t you think?


 Artwork by Michael Hussar - "Daddy's Girl"

GUILT: The Death of Intimacy

Of all your fear-induced symptoms (anxiety, depression, anger, etc, etc, etc) guilt is the most deep-seated and often the hardest to penetrate and SEE. As opposed to other undesired emotions, it is entirely interior with little exterior manifestation and, as such, it is very difficult to observe within oneself. In fact, many claim guilt to be the origin of all your negative emotions and many have also claimed that it is NOT an emotion at all, but more endemic and defining to the whole personality or ‘self.’

Guilt is the darkest shadow of all the shadow-zones you seek to eradicate in order to further your evolving consciousness. Therefore, a total all-encompassing ‘innocence’ is seen as the final point of all spiritual pathways. Yet, how many could claim such complete innocence or even claim it for another? Maybe, this is why “sorry, seems to be the hardest word” (Elton John). 

We hurriedly plod through our meaningful, but absurd, “lifestyles,” acutely aware of all the misfortune and suffering that surrounds us, feeling helpless to stem the tide of that suffering. But what can we do? Oh sure, we give to our favorite charities, maybe volunteer our time and even become activists. But, alas, suffering continues unabated and deep within the contours of your mind, beyond all your comforting rationalizations, how can you NOT experience guilt? So how do you minimize the guilt of your helplessness that leads to inaction and indifference? How do you accept that you can only provide so much; that you have only so much to give? What rationale do you think up to assuage your guilt and comfort your ‘self’ as you walk on by the pain of others arm-in-arm with your own suffering?

There is a poignant discomfort to our individual and collective guilt that sinks even deeper than our normal everyday lies, deceptions and self-protective strategies. On the deepest level, guilt pervades your very BEING simply because you realize (but deny) that you are NOT BEING as you were meant to BE. Whereas, you might cognitively extinguish your anger and medicate your depression, guilt is impervious to such methods due to its primordial nature.

It’s as if we were all impostors living in ways NOT reflective of our a deeper WILL. Deep down you recognize that, in some strange sense, you are not ‘real’ and all your  entertaining endeavors and productive projects only magnify this sense of unreality and fraud. This ‘unreality’ is exhibited more in your relationships with others than in any other function you assign your ‘self.’ (Thus, you have “small talk” to aid in remaining in the shallows of deep interpersonal understanding and intimacy, for fear of the 'exposure' that might reveal your guilt).

You can easily blame the world and others in dealing with your anxieties, what depresses you, and even all the things that make you angry. But guilt is completely intrinsic to the belief in an exclusive, autonomous 'self' and often makes you very, very 'bad' in your own eyes, more so than any attempts by others to devalue your ‘self.’ It may take you many years and much excruciatingly painful honesty, to even start the process of facing your guilt and this is primarily due to the layers of guilt that serve as foundation for future guilt-building.

From childhood lies to adult deceptions, you seem unable to shake free of this self-constructed mass of guilt that tends to weigh you down and make progress through life so difficult and often wrought with suffering. Each idea of progress you rejoice in often seems blunted by an inner core of pervasive guilt, in the realization that all your worldly and spiritual ‘successes” may never be enough to assuage your guilt.

With the oppressive weight of guilt bearing down on us all, is it any wonder that free-floating, non-situational depression is becoming the most diagnosed mental illness. But does the treatment only provide minimal comfort from our symptomatic inner suffering, while the disease of guilt only continues to fester, eating away at the core of ‘self,’ thereby impeding access to Deeper Spirit?

INTERPERSONAL GUILT PROJECTION 


In your conflicts, you are always prepared for my indictment because guilt is the one thing you must avoid at all costs, since it only activates your deeper self-guilt. In the name of self-protection, your defenses are sharpened to perfection, as you cut me to pieces before I have the chance to defend my ‘self.’ However, I am acutely aware, often even more than you, of your weaknesses or, more specifically, that for which you claim guilt (those parts of ‘self,’ which you would like to change, deny or are ashamed of).

Therefore, our mutual attacks draw deep emotional blood. Each combative episode, like each puff of the cigarette slowly subtracting from the quantity of our lives,  dissolves away life-giving intimacy and deep understanding, never to return. I find it interesting that people are often more ‘intimate’ with their pets then with the people whom they profess to “love.” This clearly reflects the lack of guilt transference with animals and nature, since no matter how many times Fido soils the carpet, innocence is retained forever to that living ‘being’ that has no ‘self’ except that which we project onto it.

The problem is that guilt is so utterly inherent to egocentricity, that we tend NOT to engage with it, but simply deny, allowing it to fester and grow into the ‘stress’ that saps life and eventually results in all sorts of internal ailments, disorders and diseases. The medical establishment informs us that stress is the number one killer and this is because stress is nothing more than years of impacted guilt for every decision you ever made that impeded your desire for the perfection of that Deeper Spirit within. In every period of your life, what you did to impede evolution (and what you failed to do to consciously evolve) follows and defines your 'self.'

You seem unable to shake free of your guilt or that deep sense of somehow being wholly unworthy of your very ‘existence.’ The body is target to unending layers of guilt since it can never meet your concepts of perfection. You indict your body as easily as you indict the body of others. Too fat, too skinny, tall, short, ugly, deformed, defective, etc, etc, etc. Your demand for the perfection of Source/God (your choice) is erroneously transferred to the body in denial that Deeper Spirit or Infinite Mind is not limited by such form and that the body can never be more than a symbol of imperfection.

You sense an ‘ideal’ of perfection (Plato's "Forms"), and in contrast to that ideal you recognize how radically defective you really are, with all the body’s obscene functions, diseases, disorders and absurd self-constructed purposes and actions. You are virtually incarcerated in your concepts of imperfection and "guilty as charged." No matter how spiritually driven you are to offset such awareness through worldly distractions, deep meditation and continuing your absurd functional busyness, you live with your imperfection through a deep-seated guilt. Guilt rides piggy-back upon the ‘self’ and it seems your only option for shedding this heavy burden, that “old, rugged cross” of sin pressed into your mind, is to project that guilt onto others. In this way, by projecting your guilt onto me, you thereby enhance your innocence. Of course, this means you must deny your undifferentiated unity, oneness and almost absolute sameness with me. The world is a reflection of such collective denial.

There are spiritual "masters" who teach that your guilt is the origin of all your emotional suffering and since you indict your self as guilty, you indict others as "guilty by association." This is an aspect of our unified “oneness,” that does not escape you no matter how hard you judge others in order to reinforce your own innocence. If you are dripping with guilt, since you and I are the same in our humanity, I must be just as guilty. However, you delude yourself into belief that I am not aware of your guilt, since you keep it tucked up in the inner folds of your 'self,' and so even your own awareness of it is rare.

But, I am distinctly aware of your guilt because it is mine, although I too believe my indictment of your many transgressions allows me a facade of innocence. Thus, we can blast away at each other and demand justice for violations of ‘self,’ while claiming innocence through secrecy of mind. This is why the contents of your mind must remain sealed, for if I were to learn the full truth of all your guilt, you believe I could destroy you. We both MUST protect against such exposure and it would seem as though our very life depends upon it. Such is the often precarious 'dance of intimacy,’ which is really nothing but the dance of war.

Guilt is the death of intimacy.

Guilt impedes intimacy and demands your defenses be forever at the ready. I must NOT expose you, else your righteousness would be ineffective in offsetting your guilt. My identifying your guilt means you must face what I SEE and this you cannot allow. So you will crush me and I know you can, as you know I can wound you, and this locks us into the brutality and unpredictability of emotional combat. You may lose a round, but in recognition of the ongoing never-ending war, you will rejoin the battle with ever more destructive conceptual armaments.

Like storm clouds gathering on the horizon, our conceptual combat is barely perceptible except to the most astute outside observer. In fact, we have become so adept and skillful in our psychic battles that, to the uninitiated, your attacks seem almost charitable. But you are conditioned to my subtle attacks and prepared to perpetuate your own, in awareness of my subterfuge. So utterly instantaneous and barely perceptible will be our mutual attacks, that often none but the actual combatants will perceive the parameters of “another battle in our dirty little war” (Springsteen). This does not matter though, because we are always prepared and ready simply because I know your past and you know mine. The past is that aspect of ‘self’ we seek desperately to escape and is the one thing you recognize could destroy me and reduce me to inadequacy and impotency. But, I know your past and in recognition of your attacks on my past, I make note of those aspects of your past ‘self’ that will deeply wound you.

In fact, many teach that our guilt holds us securely in the past, since guilt is always in reference to a past ‘self’ and is never NOW. They say that our little 'guilt trips' are nothing compared to the guilt we experience in our failure to correspond with Deeper Spirit which is always NOW and never THEN. Not to live from that unconditional awareness seems to make us very guilty indeed and we then simply add to it. 

If your declaration of war against me, made secretly to yourself, is based on my past attacks, will you recognize that my attack of you is no different than your emotional assaults on me? Which came first, the chicken or the egg, is an analogy relevant to our circular, "loving" warfare. This is because in your eyes I am the ‘original sin,’ which is my 'loss of grace' and is the origin of your need for self-protection. But, in my eyes, you are the origin of my suffering and make no mistake, you will pay, as "vengeance is mine sayeth the lord."

In fact, I’ve even met those who, after years of conflict and attack, in which each mutually pound blame upon the other, will actually reference perceived attacks that occurred even before the marriage vows were taken. The tally was begun long before the union was officially sanctioned. Was this preparation for battle in order to shake free of guilt, a lesson of childhood? Are we so afraid to look at our guilt that we learn from our parents the most effective means of guilt projection as the only way to achieve innocence and grace?

FORGIVE TO FORGET

There is only one way out of this virtual self-created hell and that is to NOT TO SEE IT, because it does NOT exist. However, as opposed to the world’s repetitive renditions of egocentric guilt and punishment, Deeper Spirit forgives… ONLY to forget. 

This is because, if you are NOT living from Spirit you are essentially NOT living or at the least, mimicking 'life.' Therefore, contrary to your experience of ‘real,’ how can what is NOT living be ‘real'? In such a world of ‘unreality,’ who is victim and who is victimizer? Who is guilty and who innocent? (Perfect non-dualism makes no such distinctions, but we do and punish those who are guilty, including and most especially our own‘self’).

In the ‘real’ world’s value system, your forgiving me my transgressions exalts you above me and clearly constructs a hierarchy of value between us. Although you may grant me reprieve from your judgment, neither you nor I have forgotten my guilt and therefore, it remains to eat at the core of intimacy. Thus, I will not lose sight of what your forgiveness really means. In fact, the moment I lose sight of the fact that YOU are the exalted one who has forgiven ME, you will immediately resume your indictment with all the vengeance at your disposal. In this sense, forgiveness is simply another subtle form of victimization.

Even those who profess to “love” one another, perform this mirage of forgiveness quite often, depending on how many years of living separately-together has transpired. However, if forgiveness does NOT forget, then, although your forgiveness seems authentic, based on what the world teaches, your progression to Deeper Spirit is significantly delayed and obstructed. Deep down, in our moments of clarity, we all realize this fact.

But egocentricity MUST resist even...WHAT IS NOT THERE.

Nevertheless, eventually, guilt is reestablished intrinsically in you and therefore, sooner or later, you will extrinsically indict them once again. Unless my transgression is completely absolved from memory, as yours is absolved from my mind, we cannot go further together and, although we may remain together as bodies, we will die apart in Spirit since the Union with Spirit was never realized.

Spirit is NOT offered alone and cannot be discovered in solitude. This is because only TWO or more, engaged in that pursuit together, can make such a profound discovery.

What Do I Do When Lightning Strikes Me…

The air seems different lately or maybe it’s the light. Something has changed. The ego senses it. But a deeper part of you has known all along and it waits patiently. It has always known what you needed. But you don’t know that…yet.


The ego, however, is busy connecting dots, sniffing out trails, dusting for prints.

Then…the lightening strikes.

Long phone calls. Text messages passed between them, sometimes late into the night.

There’s no mistaking…

…the ego has been betrayed.

It feels like a swift and penetrating prize fighter punch to the gut. The chest is crushed, the throat constricts as your breathing becomes rapid, it’s hard to talk and…

…what’s that ringing in the ears?

As the blackness descends, you can’t breathe and the mind is racing ever more rapidly…

…over the cliff.

You were expecting economic collapse, a Great Depression, WWIII, explosive packages, errant missiles, electromagnetic pulses, even asteroids. But now Armageddon has finally arrived…and it’s ALL for you and you alone.

Did you not see it coming? How could you have missed the signs?

That doesn’t matter now. Now, the ego demands its pound of flesh, because guilt has ALWAYS required punishment…and you ARE the executioner.

The attack is swift and chaotic. The ego thrashes about like a hot wire in a hurricane.

“You fucking bitch….who is he…did you fuck him….oh God….how could you do this to me…why!”

But deep down under all your desperate fear is the voice that softly whispers…..

…“you know why.” 

But you refuse to listen and instead, the ego loudly stakes its claim…”But I loved you!”

The next day, after almost no sleep, you’re numb and exhausted. You go to work and marvel at how you could have possibly made it through this day so well. But, the drive home is ALL ego and it calls upon the demons of hell to come to your aid in demanding she be nailed to the cross and then burned at the stake. You see images of your own personal apocalypse and in your rage, it seems you’re only just one thought away… from actual murder.

That night, in a darkened room, completely immersed in your suffering….your mind goes to an even darker place.

Make no mistake…you are in HELL.

What else could this place be?

However, gradually, after many hours, you begin to get quiet. Very… very quiet. Again, there’s that other voice in your head. But this voice ignores your suffering. This voice denies you your pain. It whispers something much different than the ego… completely opposite, in fact.

This voice says…”do you really think you known what love is?” 

And very slowly, painfully slow… it comes to you… that, no…you really don’t….and you never did.

…and maybe that's been the problem all along.

But the ego, ever quick to nurture condemnation, screams at you… “but how can you blame yourself, she’s the one that broke the rules…

…she cheated!”

Then that voice again, unperturbed and very quiet…

“love does not require rules…only you do.”

And when you finally realize you have no clue how to go about it, you then become willing to learn and invite instruction…

…from that which knows.

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word 

(Elton John)                                      

                                                                                               

The WILL of Christ Consciousness

A mind that acts against its WILL is a mind in conflict. When you do something that is against your WILL, you suffer from the stress of misalignment and disunity.

When THOUGHT and WILL are in accord, all fear is dissolved and a mind, absent fear, sees the world much differently.

The collective consciousness is deluded, not by individuality, but by the desire to separate itself from its own collective WILL. Individuality was never the reason you felt alienated from others and your world, but an individualized WILL must fear its disengagement, while still WILLING to disengage.

Every whole contains parts and when those parts are aligned with the WILL of the whole they experience harmony, diversified as ONE. When the parts are aligned against the WILL of the whole, the whole experiences chaos and confusion. NOT one part of the whole consciousness that we share, realizes that consciousness is shared and therefore, WE share nothing.

Consciousness is a shared field of awareness, shared by ALL minds that experience a ‘world.’ All experiences derive from a deep well of ALL THAT CAN BE EXPERIENCED. Collective WILL determines the purpose of ALL experience. When you are detached from that WILL, you experience NO purpose and thus, lose your way. The lost must always experience fear, until they find their way again.

Although we ALL share in the objects of consciousness, and its changing multiplicities, we resist sharing ONE WILL. Such is the delusion of the collective mind, in which parts are dissociated from the WILL of the whole. Its not drops in the ocean that suffer by denying they are part of the ocean, but the drops in the ocean fighting against the current of that ocean. We ALL fight that current.

Look outside your eyeballs and you will see billions of unaligned parts, each asserting an individual WILL against the whole. Does your lifestyle cause you to feel disengaged and lost? Are you exhausted by all your efforts at finding and sustaining happiness? Do you often feel that your life is a sham, without purpose or direction? Do you often feel as if you do NOT belong ‘here’?

Christ consciousness is nothing more than the thoughts and feelings of individuals aligned with the collective WILL. This does NOT negate or nullify individuality, but joins and unifies individuals under ONE WILL. We move equally as ONE without losing our individuality and your individuality is enhanced and magnified beyond the suffering of divided egocentricity.

The modern masters who pontificate on their precious concepts of “oneness,” fail to realize the full implications of what they teach and so the teachings are deluded. Oneness does not destroy or dissolve individual minds in one blob of undifferentiated consciousness, but simply unifies ALL minds under one TRUTH. But that truth can NOT be experienced in a world of disengaged and alienated ‘individuals’ each asserting a WILL opposed to truth.

Do you believe you are special? That your thoughts are unique and your feelings are your own? And does this belief aid you in disengaging from the world you experience? Does you mind show you a world disjointed, deluded and confused? A world of chaos and contradiction, in which hypocrisy is valued as a crucial component of survival? Are you on a path that seeks to transcend this world you experience?

You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave (not even the dead are really ‘gone,’ since we do not WILL to be concerned with bodies).

Make no mistake, it is your desperate attempts to disengage from what you see, that demands you see it in the first place, because not one experience that enters your mind is free of the collective MIND. Your thoughts and feelings are NOT your own, but the extracted experiences of a collective consciousness. The ‘self’ is not constructed in isolation. ALL Experience is available to ALL minds, if they so choose. No matter how we all seek to assert are own experiences as unique and exclusive, even the experience of “uniqueness” is an extracted construct of a collective mind deluded into believing individuals can WILL SEPARATELY from one another. That parts can be dissociated from the whole.

You certainly can conjure up thoughts that have yet to be experienced by anyone else, but this does not make you a magical mystic, because we all pull our rabbits out of the same hat. The definition of individual ego is a mind that believes that its magic is unique and available only to itself. Thus, an ego suffers in resistance to the WILL of a collective mind. Egos resist joining with other parts under one harmonious whole, because loss of individuality is a negation of egocentricity.  You only lose your suffering, because the WILL of consciousness demands freedom from the objects of egocentricity, which you have always felt victimized by.

The collective consciousness allows for your individuality. We all engage that paradigm and there is NO escape. However, if we continue to thwart, resist and remain unaligned with the very WILL that is meant to steer that consciousness, we must all suffer chaos and confusion.  How can you transcend delusion, while still seeing it in others? How can you overcome the dream while others remain dreaming?

This is what the infinite player has experienced. Nothing more than the complete absence of all fear and conflict between what is thought and what is WILLED. Total and complete alignment leads to infinite harmony.

You are not unaware of that infinite WILL, because no matter what you possess or own, no matter how far your feet can take you, no matter what thoughts your mind can invent, you still seek freedom, because you still feel chained.

The infinite player merely plays in Christ Consciousness and experiences total alignment to a WILL invisible to those who WILL to be alone and separate. You can think individual thoughts and feel your individual emotions. But to deviate from the collective WILL asserts that there is NO purpose to your thinking and feeling. You are alone in everything and this is the current from which all thoughts and feelings are derived.

Consciousness does not determine purpose. Only the WILL of consciousness reveals your purpose and it is beyond anything you could imagine or contemplate, while you still fight against your WILL.

The holy refrain was never meant to be “I AM,” but…

“I WILL.”


Artwork by Martin George Oscity - "Expansion of Love"