Everybody’s Talking at Me...But I Can’t Hear a Word They’re Sayin’

I must admit to feeling a little paranoid recently. It's as if I was being surrounded by some invisible force, trying to engulf me, take over my mind, lead me to the conceptual "promise land."

So in my paranoia, I thought I'd let my ego get all jiggy with it. 

Yet, that paranoid feeling never lasts. I have two daughters who’ve been trying to take over my mind for the past 15 yrs. Believe me, I am well insulated from the mind robbers. They're always tellin' me "I know, dad, I know, I know, I know." Of course, they never do, and so, you can understand how I've become wholly impervious to all the "knowers" around this place.

But nope….I’m not a witch. Nor am I a “mystic” with secret magical powers. I am NOT “enlightened” or “awakened” and I don’t speak to people from outer space or channel spirits from other dimensions. I have NO psychic abilities whatsoever. I am NOT "special" in any way, shape or form. I am NOT a guru or yogi and I am "master" of nothing. I have NOT attained Satori, Samadhi or Nirvana and I wouldn’t know a chakra from an okra. I am not a "knower" and know nothing. However, one thing is for sure…

I am an ego.

A skin-encapsulated ego or, to be more precise, an identified self-construct that I believe is “I." And sometimes it really shows (but folks don't like it when your ego's showin'). Around here, it seems regular ole’ egos are not very welcome. Around here, egos must be 'special' and work hard to display their 'individual' uniqueness. You often see really cool people getting sucked into this game all the time. It's as if ya can't have a conversation without them somehow informing you of their 'special' powers (resulting from their having transcended big bad ego). This seems to be the in-thing these days and it's on the rise. Nowadays you gotta have special powers or recount "mystical" experiences of higher consciousness. You've got to apply grand titles to your 'self' in the attempt to present your 'self' as above and beyond your own ego-self.

Around here, egos must try and be as little of an ego as possible. It’s like they’re fighting against they’re own egocentricity. Even though being "special" is the 'spiritual' consensus, I have yet to join the grandiosity club.

I often wonder if they realize just how egocentric their attempted escape from egocentricity really is. They certainly spend a great deal of time identifying my ego.

But why bother... I know what I am.

I'm a bona fide ego, with all the piss and vinegar, love and hate, good and bad, smart and stupid,etc, etc, etc, that comes with it. But this bothers some folks, which leads me to believe they're seeking an escape.

But, there really is no way out.

The dynamic is rather simple. First, the egocentric self-construct informs you of your inadequacies and weaknesses and then it tells you that, if you just follow its sage advice, you can overcome your weaknesses and be better, bigger, stronger, more powerful, more ‘special.’ In other words, that which teaches you that “you” are inadequate from the start, demands that you believe it now knows the way to a better "you."

And that seems to make total sense to "you"!

Therefore, the ego has you turn to your "inner" egocentric experience, of an "outer" egocentric world, in order to find that special ‘curriculum’ that will help you transcend  (READ: 'escape') your own egocentricity. Obviously, what you find is a world full of inadequate egos all teaching you how to overcome your inadequacies and the ego, which first helped you identify your inadequacies, helps you pick out the one “true path” that fits just right for you. Ha!

So... you study the ‘metaphysics,' practice long and hard (many years of 'sacrifice') to pass the test of mystical transcendence. Of course, you already know what to expect and the ego always gets what it trains you for (because it's "you"). But what good is it and who, or what, is IT that wants it? Who or what is doing ALL that training to get “it”? Could it be that all you're doing is marking time or running in place?

“Nah,” says your ego, “this is serious stuff, yo! …and you gotta play by the rules if you want the coveted cookie."

Nevertheless, the game is infinite and if you want to play the game of witch or mystic, enlightened or awakened master, etc, etc, etc, well you go right ahead. Have a ball! But when you start demanding that others play by your rules, else they can't get the prize, don't be surprised when they don't hear a word you're saying.

"Everybody's talking at me

I don't hear a word they're saying

Only the echoes of my mind

People stopping staring 

I can't see their faces

Only the shadows of their eyes 

I'm going where the sun keeps shining

Thru' the pouring rain

Going where the weather suits my clothes

Backing off of the North East wind

Sailing on summer breeze

And skipping over the ocean, like a stone."

Artwork by Robert Craig - "Creepy Pee Wee"