Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The Generic Futility of Blue Goo



Ahhhh…waking up to another day of ‘doing’ things and getting things ‘done.’ Not just things, but fooking important things that give a sense of self-actualizing grandiosity in the battle against the deeper sense of your abject insignificance. Sliding down the smoothly polished pipeline of productive people participating in perfectly normal pastimes and polite dinner parties. As Bill Hicks so accurately stated “it’s only a ride.”

It’s a “normal” ride though.

You find it normal negotiating through traffic to arrive at a place where you’ll perform pointless tasks to secure your daily bread and you will do this until the years long burden of earth gravity and brain senility accelerates your physical and mental feebleness demanding an exit affording you the opportunity to make countless trips to the doctor to remind you of the fact that, not only are you physically dying but, more importantly, you’ve have been psychologically dead for years.

You believe it normal to sculpt your delightful little progeny into socialized little lambs, institutionally educated to memorize the required scripts and engage in the same weary roles so that they too can be constructive members of a bipolar communalism and "work" at insipid, vacuous tasks, feeding their faces with chemicalized faux-foods to eventually copulate their way to the formation of new herd members. You believe that working hard to contrive “rest and relaxation” through sporadic episodes  of “vacation” as symbolic of a well rounded “lifestyle.” You participate in various causes in defense of your values, but in the black of night when you’re most alone, the angst of your actual condition permeates your every pore and so pills are eventually a precondition to slumber.

But most of all, you believe it “normal” to live a “meaningful life,” denying that every tiny scrap of meaning you have ever held onto for dear life was handed to you from the moment of birth and even now you can’t remember the last time you had a unique and exciting idea that did not come directly from the socio-cultural lexicon of herd grazing normalcy…. baa, baa, baaaaaaa…

Do you even know why you chose marriage, career and children? Nah, you really have NO clue, other than the fact that everyone else was doing it and still is. Essentially we all do what we believe we’re supposed to do. Nothing more, nothing less.

But what do you do when one day you awake and realize it’s all a sham and you’ve been duped from the start. That somebody else wrote the lyrics to your song and that every choice you’ve made was weaved into your cranial neurocircuitry. Will you have the wherewithal to cut yourself free from it? Will you have the courage and fortitude to self-lobotomize your own habitualized thought patterns?

What happens when getting outa bed to start your glorious, awesome “day,” is a test of mental endurance never before experienced. When all the things that you must do, you have not a shred of desire or even the slightest drop of willpower to get done and all you can do is stare into the abyss of nothingness and perseverate on how you must be mentally ill not to want to play the games and follow the rules as you’ve always done, like everybody else does through the assistance of diversified distractions.

This is a level of ‘awake’ that absolutely no one would choose to engage, because it’s so damn fooking inconvenient. The problem with that “Dark Night of the Soul” is that it can last years.

When you understand that all the things you have done are as utterly pointless and banal as the things you will do and you become completely drenched in the Generic Futility of your entire life project, you can then consider yourself ‘spiritually evolved' or, in other words, 'fucked.'

If reading this post offends or disgusts you then, rest assured, you’re about ready to pop. If this post makes you depressed, angry, anxious or guilty, then brace yourself for impact. It may still be a ways off, but you’re racing to the wall. A wall of complete and total despair.

But be of good cheer! Buddhism will save you or maybe the No-Mind of Zen. Or maybe years of diligent meditation or adopting the precepts of Advaita, the Power of Positive Thinking or the Law of Attraction. There are plenty of drugs to aid in abstaining from your deepest dread.

But if you’re here, then make no mistake, you’ve been traveling to this point all your live long days. and there are very few who ever make it this far with any regular consistency to their despair, because egocentricity will play with you like a fish on a hook, reeling you in and letting you out, reeling you in and letting you out. The rule is that despair MUST be sporadic and inconsistent to avoid the potential that you might wish to exit the herd.

This is why your life themes are so dualistically repetitive and it seems no matter how much progress you ‘believe’ you’ve made in your spiritual practices and life goals, here you are once again playing out the same old patterns, conforming to the same rules, playing the same weary games, on an on, ad nauseam.

Egocentricity is essentially defined by keeping all your tenuous and fragile beliefs delicately interwoven to support the routine drudgery you define as “life.” Yet, like a cloth weaved out of Silly String, one wrong move, or even the slightest contradictory thought carried to its obvious conclusion, could rip it all asunder leaving you in a mess of blue goo.

Such is the nature of your “stress.” Day in and day out egocentrics must senselessly struggle to make it all seem “sensible.” Common sense and wisdom are merely egocentric mental farts that seek to make meaningful the generic futility of blue goo.

Forget the wise masters and go for the goo!

One must do this, one should do that and never must/should one do this. For egocentricity to survive, and keep on popping out humanoid-like mimeographed copies, it must have a hierarchical belief system of prioritized fears and worries for which to pass on to its progeny as a means of positive reinforcement for itself. Maslow unintentionally proved this through his “Hierarchy of Needs” and the higher up the scale you go, the more entrenched “you” become in mundane mental constructs and whimsical psychological abstractions that reinforce the egocentric self as real and, more importantly, true. The concepts that you believe give life meaning, i.e., good and bad, right and wrong, beauty and ugly, honesty, truth, pride, fidelity, etc, etc, are so muddled and complex that they tend to loose all differentiating boundaries, only to merge into one cacophonous concerto of dissonant noise.

The only way to maintain this pathetic structured existence is to see it mirrored through other bodies that seem to have minds of their own and who also believe in the same vacuous values you claim to own and that you must defend through your choice of “lifestyle.” It’s all about the car you drive, the clothes you wear, the school you send your kids to and the square feet of your living space. It's about the causes you support and the political parties you cheer for.

It's all about blue goo...

This begs the question, if it’s all a dream, an hallucination, an illusion, an atomic mirage, an apparition, a shape shifting fog, a mass of undulating dualistic energy, then who gives a sheit? If everything is a “lie,” why worry about telling the truth? If everything is true, then you can’t tell a lie. Why care about “honesty” in your dreams, if dreams are false? If it’s all bullsheit who cares about values or morals? If it’s all illusion, why concern yourself with working for a “living” and paying your bills? Why even concern yourself with your next meal?

Why not let it all crumble to pieces around you? Let it all fucking die and take “you” with it? Because without the pieces that make up this delusional puzzle, all you have is an empty box and nobody wants to hold onto an empty box (even though that’s exactly what they do).

Egocentrics have “responsibilities,” because without pieces to fit together what the fook would you do with yourself? They have ego-centered structures to maintain. So rather than nothing, egocentric mammalia must not evolve beyond it’s confinement to normalcy, allowing the dream to incorporate every thought in your head, while you claim it real and true by simply not looking close enough.

But one day, when you SEE it for what it is, you will recognize a generic quality to EVERYTHING, so it all becomes nothing, lending a dazzling sense of utter futility to doing anything at all.

Once you dive into the Blue Goo of Generic Futility, you will likely swim in it for many years, completely and totally…alone.

But no worries, I'm here. Come in and join me for a spell.

The Blue Goo is always warm….

Artwork by Illathias - "Blue Goo"

10 comments:

  1. I feel right on the edge of this abyss of futility and emptiness. I see the inherent falseness in all my notions of self-image and spiritual progress. I even have moments of emptiness daily.

    But I just can't seem to make that jump into it[or is it a fall?]

    Is the part of my that wants to fall in keeping me clinging to the edge?

    Or am I just blabbing about my [spiritual] ego again

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  2. For me it was a "fall" (so to speak).

    Or, in other words, I had nothing to do with it. I chose not one aspect of how this has transpired. I've had nothing to do with any of it.

    But indeed, how I did "cling."

    Every post is write is spiritual blabbing...
    Mike

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  3. Somewhere on internet I saw the picture of kamikazes pilots in the second world war. They all had helmets. Why would kamikaze wear helmet? or Why we live as we do?

    I do examination of my life and I see it for what it is - a mere pre-programmed life of ups and downs, chronic unhappiness, always dissatisfied, always pretending I am happy and successful, and all because I am so eager to please everyone around myself.

    Mike, I slip into this life that is laid out for me the way a foot slip in the shoe. I decide nothing, I don't live my life by choice, but by default. I play the roles I am born to. I don't know any better, and I don't know the reason why I don't know any better.

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  4. Zee,

    Kamikazes with helmets....excellent!

    "I decide nothing"

    There it is abridged, condensed and in a nutshell. What more need be said?

    However, it does seem that once one 'pops' with this realization it takes a few yrs to acclimate or allow it to percolate (at least that has been my experience). I really think that there are numerous minds out there who are currently...percolating...

    Thank you!
    Mike

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  5. I've had similar thoughts about life since late-high school. Accidently opened up to spiritual stuff because of depression, became more interested in that direction..

    Then I had some experiences of no-self and love, also ended up in a psychiatric hospital a few times.

    Now I feel like an outcast of society, not willing to join the game most people seem to play (although I did go to work a few years before my illness and I'm currently volunteering).

    Feel like it's more useful for me to just join a buddhist-like monastery somewhere. Thing is, I still kind of want that "dream life": have a girlfriend, get a parttime job.

    Thing is, getting a girlfriend usually requires a fulltime job and a "normal" thinking brain.


    Only thing that makes sense right now is meditation.

    Mike, what do you do, jobwise?



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  6. Eventually, even the meditation dies...

    But I get the grasping for something...

    It may take some time...
    Mike

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  7. Well, when you realize no self eventually, there's nothing to cling or grasp to anymore as now you're one of the walking dead (you and everyone else always were, but never knew) and what's experienced internally is also reflected on the external.

    You sound like you already got there Mike, or at least a few times on/off!? Must be nice, to say the least. How did you get there?

    I don't see another way to similar freedom besides meditation (and alchemy) and trying my best to see all things experienced (positive and negative) as just an image in a mind, all the time. Easier said than done! BUT "I" am getting some minor results this way for now and that should be good enough.

    Will read some more articles here.. Which ones would you recommend or did you write something about how you made the transition, what triggered things for you?

    Thanks

    Regards
    Y

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  8. You could read some of the posts labeled "finite and infinite players," but best to read "Neuro-self" articles which make the claim that it makes no difference what one "does," since there is no free-will anyway.
    But also, this blog is about 8 yrs old I think and I have yet to weed out the crap.
    It's taken awhile to adjust...
    Mike

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  9. Being lazy by nature, I'm too vacuous to concern myself too much with the vacuousness of the world around me; however, I do become inflicted with a worried and restless mind about things like milkweeds disappearing from farm fields.

    This is a thought-provoking post you have written, Mike, and it appears to be so that each of us is merely the product of import and export in brain space. As is well known, it is almost impossible to get off a psychological track once accustomed to over a lifespan or a generation et al. That is the sorrow and the pity of this handed-down world one finds oneself thrust into. Meditation seems to work by creating a resistance to the nonsense, assists the insight; but then again, I've met those who claim to or, even appear to, involve themselves in a meditation practice, whose egos could suffocate you out of breathing space.

    The Dark Night of the Soul is not easy. The trick is, to understand that it is bullshit down to the very core of one's being and still find joy in Summer peaches. This way, one may enjoy the peaches as long as the season lasts.

    I do think it is the perception of life that is the dream, not life, itself. Life surely exists, but as you say, again, it is in the import and export that trips the whole thing up and makes the already savage garden a surrealistic cesspool.

    Blessings, my Friend. In Purgatory, I have found there are blessings, mercies and the occasional Grace. Like cigarettes, smoke 'em if you got 'em. Just don't butt them out on the grass.

    :)

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  10. "...but then again, I've met those who claim to or, even appear to, involve themselves in a meditation practice, whose egos could suffocate you out of breathing space."

    Ha! Hahaa! Your way with words, very adept descriptives, has always been amazing (which is why you're an author). You should be aware that, mostly, the "enlightened" are exclusively identified through their skilled use of the cultural idiom. In fact, they have little else to serve as identifiers.

    Hence, have you ever considered yourself "enlightened"?

    I am beginning to sense this as factual.

    Always good to hear from you...

    "The trick is, to understand that it is bullshit down to the very core of one's being and still find joy in Summer peaches."

    Again...Bulls eye!

    Thanks!
    Mike

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